Cops probing the deaths of a couple pulled from a river found a purple sex toy, duct tape, a computer hard drive and cable ties on their hired boat, it emerged yesterday.
Officers also retrieved a blood-stained sheet stuffed into a carrier bag, a laptop, screws, brackets, lengths of cable and two tubes of lubricant gel.
Last night police said the woman had been strangled and was dead before hitting the water. Her death was being treated as suspicious.
You don’t say. Laura W. at AOSHQ comments:
Also Sun reporter, why do I need to know the color of the sex toy? Really? Is this the important detail here?
But Laura, this could be a telltale clue! “Sherlock Holmes and the Mystery of the Purple Dildo.”
Well, it is probably the Purple Dildo Gang at it again.
That purple dildo was taken from Biden’s U-Haul.
That particular shade of purple only comes from dye made from the crushed shells of the Manchester limpet. That dye is sold to three adult toy manufacturers, none of which sells through a distributor in the couple’s area. Knowing this and examining the other tell-tale signs, it’s obvious, Watson, that the couple was murdered by a left-handed Apple Genius with a limp and a drinking problem. Elementary!
“Her death was being treated as suspicious.” Given everything that we were told before this, I pity the people who needed to be told this last detail.
Smitty is in Germany, barely a day trip from England. Is he available for some on the scene reporting, ably assisted by the WYB?
‘Cuz I’m pretty sure the Kia isn’t up to a cross-Atlantic trip.
JeffS, I’m pretty sure Smitty doesn’t want the WYB to even know things like this exist for at least another 18 years……
True, but this is an excellent chance for the WYB to work the seedier side of blogging.
Who knows? Maybe the WYB will credit Stacy as the inspiration for that Pulitzer he’ll win in 30 or 40 years.
It’s sooooo obvious:
Professor Plumb on the pinnace with the purple plastic penis.
Is it coincidental that your Open Sky interactive widget ad has “Little Chroma Personal Massager” for sale? There is even a purple one.
Talking about monetizing your blog and strategic product placement!
Brain bleach, please.
In this day and age, it’s better not to know.
They weren’t just dead, they were dil-dead.
I denounce myself.
Whatever may have happened, all we know is that that girl…
*shades*
…really got the shaft.
*Won’t Get Fooled Again @ 7:44*
It will be known as the Obama Pulitzer in 30 to 40 years.
I denounce myself for laughing out loud at what you wrote. Bad Bobby…bad, bad, bad Bobby.
Horatio lives!
Heh. If it weren’t for Lurid Details, this story would have none at all. Lara W.’s post was so loaded with wry humor, I felt that a little pastrami and mustard would go well.
We’re not awful people, we just see the humor
isin awful things. I hope everyone gets a good laff when I kick the bucket.(personally, I hope for an explosion of some sort; passing away peacefully seems like a waste of a good death)