The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

A Career Opportunity My Guidance Counselor Never Bothered to Mention

Posted on | July 3, 2013 | 43 Comments

Who was ever more qualified for this job than me? If I had only known there was a need for courageous public servants to perform body-cavity searches on bikini-clad women, certainly I would have been willing to serve — courageously, I might add — performing this duty to protect my fellow citizens from the menace of unlicensed vaginas.

Indeed, for many years, I provided this service on a volunteer basis, as a sort of vagina vigilante. But for some reason, no one ever told me that people get paid to do that kind of work in Texas, and so instead I pursued a career in journalism. Alas, what might have been . . .

 

Category: Crime, Texas

Comments

43 Responses to “A Career Opportunity My Guidance Counselor Never Bothered to Mention”

  1. MrEvilMatt
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 10:11 pm

    A Career Opportunity My Guidance Counselor Never Bothered to Mention.: It could have been an awesome career: D… http://t.co/4iXWqp3HMT

  2. Lockestep1776
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 10:11 pm

    A Career Opportunity My Guidance Counselor Never Bothered to Mention.: It could have been an awesome career: D… http://t.co/tUXMx4hWiS

  3. Citzcom
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 10:11 pm

    A Career Opportunity My Guidance Counselor Never Bothered to Mention.: It could have been an awesome career: D… http://t.co/BTM7AqW1eo

  4. jwbrown1969
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 10:11 pm

    A Career Opportunity My Guidance Counselor Never Bothered to Mention.: It could have been an awesome career: D… http://t.co/tcYWfWwyRd

  5. rsmccain
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 10:15 pm

    A Career Opportunity My Guidance Counselor Never Bothered to Mention.http://t.co/uyl4HPjdDC | @instapundit

  6. AmPowerBlog
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 10:15 pm

    RT @rsmccain: A Career Opportunity My Guidance Counselor Never Bothered to Mention.http://t.co/uyl4HPjdDC | @instapundit

  7. rsmccain
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 10:18 pm

    “What’s that smell coming from your vagina? Marijuana, I’m sure — and I’m a trained professional, y’know …” http://t.co/uyl4HPjdDC

  8. rsmccain
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 10:20 pm

    “Attention: Be on the lookout for two women in bikinis, armed with vaginas and extremely dangerous …” http://t.co/uyl4HPjdDC

  9. preciseBlogs
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 10:20 pm

    A Career Opportunity My Guidance Counselor Never Bothered to Mention. http://t.co/jt5HyzxyjD #news #conservative #texas #crime

  10. thatMrGguy
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 10:22 pm

    A Career Opportunity My Guidance Counselor Never Bothered to Mention. http://t.co/zdZD1UkKdc

  11. Mike G.
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 10:23 pm

    Dunno…you would have to take the good with the bad. IYKWIMAITYD

  12. rsmccain
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 10:25 pm

    “Ma’am, you’re probably wondering why I pulled you over and why I’m putting on these latex gloves …” http://t.co/uyl4HPjdDC

  13. JadedByPolitics
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 10:26 pm

    RT @rsmccain: “Ma’am, you’re probably wondering why I pulled you over and why I’m putting on these latex gloves …” http://t.co/uyl4HPjdDC

  14. robertstacymccain
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 10:28 pm

    You obviously don’t understand the concept of “probable cause.” See, a trained law enforcement professional knows — instinctively — which vaginas need a thorough inspection.

  15. Mike G.
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 10:31 pm

    You do know that as a male officer, you would not be permitted to do the searches yourself? But I reckon one can dream, eh?

  16. robertstacymccain
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 10:36 pm

    But … public safety! And also, equality! Are you saying that Texas engages in discrimination in the hiring of Vagina Inspectors?

    Call the ACLU! Alan Dershowitz! Gloria Allred! We’ll appeal to the Supreme Court, if we have to, but this kind of sexist discrimination must end immediately!

    NO JUSTICE, NO PEACE!

  17. preciseBlogs
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 10:37 pm

    A Career Opportunity My Guidance Counselor Never Bothered to Mention http://t.co/WFNWpGVTGg #news #conservative #texas #crime

  18. Mike G.
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 10:38 pm

    Dunno if you want to be the inspector anyway…isn’t everything bigger in Texas? NTTAWWT

  19. Mike G.
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 10:40 pm

    I’m sure you’ve heard the old expression about strapping a 2×4 to your ass…amirite?

  20. Evi L. Bloggerlady
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 10:49 pm

    You would probably not be driving a KIA if you chose that alternate career path.

  21. SallyAlbright
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 10:57 pm

    You are funny but situation is not. Yuck! RT @rsmccain: “Attention: Be on the lookout for two women in bikinis…” http://t.co/IaDNsZ24qZ

  22. Richard McEnroe
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 11:47 pm

    And the ugly…

  23. BobBelvedere
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 11:49 pm

    RT @rsmccain: “Ma’am, you’re probably wondering why I pulled you over and why I’m putting on these latex gloves …” http://t.co/uyl4HPjdDC

  24. BobBelvedere
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 11:49 pm

    RT @thatMrGguy: A Career Opportunity My Guidance Counselor Never Bothered to Mention. http://t.co/zdZD1UkKdc

  25. JeffS
    July 3rd, 2013 @ 11:55 pm

    This hearkens back to the old joke that “FBI” really meant “Female Body Inspector”.

    IYKWIMAITTYD.

  26. Bob Belvedere
    July 4th, 2013 @ 12:00 am

    NO JUSTICE, NO PIECE!
    FTFY

  27. Bob Belvedere
    July 4th, 2013 @ 12:01 am

    Ah…memories.

  28. Kevin Trainor Jr.
    July 4th, 2013 @ 12:13 am

    Kevin Trainor Jr. liked this on Facebook.

  29. Evi L. Bloggerlady
    July 4th, 2013 @ 12:25 am

    The stars at night are big and bright…

  30. Proof
    July 4th, 2013 @ 4:46 am

    Sorry, Stacy, but I’ve got to believe that if Rosie O’Donnell and a half a dozen of her Code Pink buddies came through your inspection station, you’d run so fast the hounds couldn’t catch you!

  31. bet0001970
    July 4th, 2013 @ 6:11 am

    This is just disgusting. And you realize DPS is gonna lose both the criminal and civil case, right?

  32. bet0001970
    July 4th, 2013 @ 6:20 am

    Well, he could always do them on the men…

    Dare to dream McCain, dare to dream.

  33. bet0001970
    July 4th, 2013 @ 6:21 am

    I understand the concept of “probable cause”. And there wasn’t any. Which is why the DPS officer who performed the body cavity search was fired and the DPS officer who ordered it was placed on suspension.

    You see, a trained law enforcement officer knows — instinctively — the difference between a lawful search and sexual assault.

  34. defendressofsan
    July 4th, 2013 @ 6:25 am

    A Career Opportunity My Guidance Counselor Never Bothered to Mention http://t.co/98012x0S2c

  35. Matthew W
    July 4th, 2013 @ 11:16 am

    What makes you think that Rosie has a vagina?

  36. WarEagle82
    July 4th, 2013 @ 11:47 am

    Disgusting? I’ll tell you what is disgusting. Did you read that Daily Mail article? Does anyone proofread their articles? Did anyone notice the numerous typographical errors in this brief article? Does anyone speak English in the UK any longer?

  37. Richard McEnroe
    July 4th, 2013 @ 7:33 pm

    Daily Mail thought Piers Morgan was qualified to be an editor. Any further questions?

  38. Stacy McCain: If only I were a Texan | The Daley Gator
    July 4th, 2013 @ 8:37 pm

    […] Stacy McCain has a post up about  his mis-guided, by his guidance counselor, youth, and a lawsuit over body cavity searches of women wearing bikinis. You really should read it, here is a teaser […]

  39. Doug Hgain
    July 4th, 2013 @ 8:39 pm

    Stacy, you are a selfless bastard, and if you think I would post about this, you are right

  40. RMNixonDeceased
    July 4th, 2013 @ 11:40 pm

    A Career Opportunity My Guidance Counselor Never Bothered to Mention http://t.co/rqZDiB7cJB

  41. Proof
    July 5th, 2013 @ 4:26 pm

    That would make Stacy have to look that much harder! Heh.

  42. George Pepper
    July 5th, 2013 @ 10:22 pm

    Yeah, this is the result of a steady decline in the quality of DPS officers over the past couple of decades. Don’t get me wrong, the majority of DPS officers are contentiously honorable men – to the point that I give to the TSTA (Texas State Trooper’s Association) every year – and it’s not an easy job at all.

    But an undesirable element has crept in, which was perfectly illustrated by a newly minted rookie who hassled me a few years back (I drive, uh, expensive vehicles). I had pulled my tricked out pickup into a gas station at the last second – you know how those decisions can be! – and so he decided to dress me down for entering the parking lot too fast (I broke no laws, I just made a last second decision). His forearms were completely covered in tattoos. It freaked me out! And, he wouldn’t make eye contact with me. Yeah, I laughed him off.

    But this is the ends that those beginnings get you.

  43. Patrick Carroll
    July 5th, 2013 @ 11:39 pm

    Brazoria County….. Brazoria County…..

    Oh, right.