The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Dave Barry Rocks

Posted on | December 30, 2014 | 14 Comments

by Smitty

Another righteous outing from the great humorist:

… President Obama, moving to fill the Cabinet vacancy created by the resignation of Chuck Hagel, announces — in what is seen as a major shift in military policy — that his new Secretary of Defense will be Chuck Norris. The nomination is swiftly approved by the Senate Armed Services Committee after Norris, in lieu of making an opening statement at his confirmation hearing, reduces the witness table to kindling with his forehead.

Read the whole, delightful thing.


14 Responses to “Dave Barry Rocks”

  1. Quartermaster
    December 30th, 2014 @ 12:50 pm

    In other news: China, Russia, North Korea and Kyrgyzstan disbanded their Armies upon receiving the news that Chuck Norris had been appointed as US Secretary of Defense. “There’s no sense in maintaining an Army anymore. Norris could disband the entire DOD and we’d still get our heads handed to us,” said Russian President Putin. “If he will allow me to keep my bad haircut, I’ll shut up and leave the US alone” said Kim Jong Un. There was no one available for comment in China. When we dialed the number for the defense minister we got a message the phone had been disconnected.

  2. Evi L. Bloggerlady
    December 30th, 2014 @ 1:13 pm
  3. RRG’s 75th Annual Lefty Awards | Regular Right Guy
    December 30th, 2014 @ 1:14 pm

    […] Dave Barry Rocks […]

  4. Dana
    December 30th, 2014 @ 1:27 pm

    I’m not sure why that would be humor; Mr Norris would probably make at least as good a Secretary of Defense as anyone else President Obama would nominate.

  5. Dana
    December 30th, 2014 @ 1:31 pm

    Seventh round draft choice, put on the practice squad by the Rams, then cut, picked up by the Cowgirls, and cut by them, too.

    Mr Sam’s story wouldn’t have merited more than a couple of lines if he was normal, but because he boinks a twink in the butt, he’s Headline News.

    The queers used to tell us that what they did in their bedrooms was none of our business, and I was fine with that. Now, Michael Sam is a story only because of what he does in his bedroom.

  6. Evi L. Bloggerlady
    December 30th, 2014 @ 2:28 pm

    It is a complete non story whipped into a chiffon of shit.

  7. smitty
    December 30th, 2014 @ 3:46 pm

    The imagery of CN breaking a table with his forehead at a Congressional hearing, in lieu of testimony–ain’t that kinda funny?

  8. M. Thompson
    December 30th, 2014 @ 4:00 pm

    What was once the love that dare not speak it’s name is now the lust that won’t shut the hell up.

  9. CrustyB
    December 30th, 2014 @ 9:36 pm

    Chuck Norris has no weaknesses. Rather, he possesses great strength and ability!
    -generic Chuck Norris joke

  10. Shawn Smith
    December 30th, 2014 @ 10:30 pm

    If only. Chuck Norris actually loves this country, which is probably not something you could say of whoever Obama finally does nominate.

  11. theoldsargesays
    December 31st, 2014 @ 7:05 pm

    I had to read your comment twice because the first time I saw chiffon suit.

    In either case, spot on.

  12. theoldsargesays
    December 31st, 2014 @ 7:07 pm

    Yeah as long as you’re watching it on TV.
    If present in the room, I’d start easing toward door immediately.

  13. cargosquid
    January 3rd, 2015 @ 3:20 pm

    It wouldn’t matter.

    If it is Chuck Norris, there is nowhere on the planet to hide…..

  14. theoldsargesays
    January 3rd, 2015 @ 7:22 pm

    You’ve got a point there.