Here It Is: #ClintonJennerDolezal2016

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by Smitty

In this blog’s relentless quest to immanentize the Next Big Thing, we proudly proffer the Tres Bimbos ticket.

That it’s Her Majesty’s turn, and we [nsfw] must not jack this up for her, goes without saying. And we’re supposed to feel vaguely positive about the “courage” inherent in an intensely personal decision that not everyone fully agrees with. Finally, we should offer three cheers to Rachel Dolezal, whose approach to fabulism is only exceeded by that of #OccupyResoluteDesk, as far as I can tell.

Thus, by the Power of Common Core, we humbly announce that three (3) is just a large value of two (2). We adjure you to vote for Clinton/Jenner/Dolezal in 2016, by write-in, if those odious, pedantic conservatives somehow infringe on your right to feel however you want about that age-old tool of patriarchal oppression, integers.

As the Really Hip Individual Currently Choosing to Retain a Male Sexual Identity Ezra Klein noted, the Constitution is, like, really old, or something. What better way to fight that Ancient Screed of Cisgender, Euro-Masculine Domination than to vote in a First Trimulierate in 2016? Progress is predicated upon the idea that anything conservatives esteem is on the target list for rhetorical saturation bombing. Progress takes a village, and rubs the lotion on.


Why not put another nail in the coffin of the idea of the Rule of Law by supporting the Tres Bimbos ticket? How about it?

22 comments

  1. TresBimbos makes sense. In the event that one, or even two of them are off getting hormone shots or electroshock therapy, there’s somebody else there to cover.

    Here…somebody read this thing I wrote and give me feedback please. I’m looking at some places to publish it, but would like to correct anything stupid before I do. Trigger warning: longer than a tweet – 5 pages.
    https://www.dropbox.com/s/7zsapjzq98yihej/rationalization%20and%20the%20death%20of%20conscience.pdf?dl=0

  4. Why are we not surprised a cult of race and gender which comes up with transgender also comes up with transnativeamericans and transblack? We have warned for years about the slippery slope and the reality of this cult outruns even our Onion-like sarcasm. That is almost by definition a culture of insanity. Anything is anything in this nutty world. Even we couldn’t predict men posing as women would launch ideological attacks at the ideology which bore them and get a 40 yr. old lesbian music festival shut down and feminist plays canceled. Now just saying you’re a women qualifies you for a female-only college. What nuttery will this cult come up with next? How crazy does our satire have to get to outrun the actual insanity of a thing which could produce Rachel Dolezal? These idiots have produced an actual transworld, and yes I am transphobic.

  13. I don’t have a twitter account thanks to false reports of “targeted abuse” form my deranged cyber-stalker @NicloeBonnet1 and that creep “She is mentioning my name again” Thomas A Mix of Vero Beach

  16. I think he’s referring to things like my consistent assertion that I’m actually a cobalt-blue dragon, and Earth’s only avatar of the star/demigod Zeta Puppis.

    It’s terrible, really. I get dizzy sometimes from trying to breathe lightning at insolent mortals, which of course I can’t do while trapped in this human form.

    You may refer to me as “Your Majesty.”

    #WrongSkin #OtherKin #Draconic #Stellar #GoBigOrGoHome #AddictedToHashtags

  21. I was kidding – I know The Onion well. One year my brother gave me the book version for Christmas.
    He gave it to me again the following year. Ha!
    Thing is that we can just about take The Onion as seriously as most of the MSM these days.

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