The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

The Joy of Schadenfreude as Nick Wright Cries the Tears of Unfathomable Sadness

Posted on | January 31, 2022 | Comments Off on The Joy of Schadenfreude as Nick Wright Cries the Tears of Unfathomable Sadness

When my team loses a football game, I have the luxury of being silent, pretending that nothing happened. The incident on January 10?

Nope. No comment. Movin’ on.

Nick Wright of Fox Sports does not have that luxury. He gets paid to talk about football, which is galling to fans of other teams who must listen to this Kansas City native rave about his man-crush, Patrick Mahomes.

Until this past season, I had never paid any attention to Nick Wright, and had no real opinion about Mahomes. But then the New England Patriots drafted Mac Jones from Alabama, and I became a Patriots fan — and quickly learned to hate Nick Wright like God hates sin. Because he is convinced that Mahomes is destined to be the greatest quarterback in NFL history, Wright habitually slanders any potential rival.

Honestly, I had almost completely ignored the NFL for a couple of decades before the Patriots drafted Mac Jones, which was why I had no idea who Nick Wright was when I first started seeing YouTube clips of him slagging Mac Jones. At that point, I was unaware that Wright was a Kansas City native, but once I figured out his motive for being anti-Mac, it made me furious — how dare Fox Sports employ this commentator who was so obviously biased in favor of one team that he made a habit of dissing other teams (especially the Chiefs’ AFC rivals)?

My hatred of Nick Wright led me to start cheering against the Chiefs, the same way, as an Alabama fan, I cheer for whoever’s playing Auburn.

And this was frustrating, because the Chiefs are a very good football team and Mahomes really does have wizard-like football skills. While I’m not a fan of the run-and-gun, shake-and-bake, razzle-dazzle style of football that Mahomes plays, he is unquestionably the best at that style of play. Last week’s division playoff game between Kansas City and the Buffalo Bills was one of the greatest games in NFL history, and the performance by Mahomes was absolutely electric.

He completed 33 of 44 passes for 378 yards and 3 touchdowns, and was also the Chiefs’ leading rusher, with 7 carries for 69 yards and another TD, but the numbers don’t capture just how magical he was against the Bills. Just watch the video of these two plays:

How do you defend against a player like that? It’s perfectly understandable why opposing defenses would get demoralized against Mahomes, and also understandable why a Kansas City native like Nick Wright would be a fan. But having to listen to Wright drool over Mahomes is so annoying that, as a freshly minted Patriots fan, I have come to hate Nick Wright so much that I hate Mahomes, too.

Therefore on Sunday, I was cheering for the Cincinnati Bengals against the Chiefs in the AFC championship game, but during the first half, it seemed like all hope was lost for an upset that would break Nick Wright’s heart. The Bengals were trailing 14-3 with about 10 minutes left in the half when, on third and 6, Cincinnati quarterback Joe Burrow threw an incomplete pass, and the Bengals were forced to punt. Kansas City took over at their own 28, and Mahomes led his team down the field on a drive that ended with a touchdown pass, to put the Chiefs up 21-3 with five minutes left in the half. Trailing by 18 points, it seemed the Bengals were doomed, and Kansas City was on their way to the Super Bowl.

And then Patrick Mahomes choked like a loser.

Mahomes choked so bad, even Nick Wright couldn’t deny he’d choked.

It was a choke of world-historic importance, a performance destined for a place of honor in the Choking Hall of Fame. So every NFL fan who isn’t from Kansas City set their alarms this morning to wake up and watch Nick Wright writhe in agony about how bad Mahomes choked:

Oh, the salt just burns in that open wound, doesn’t it, Nick? And trust me, there are millions of people laughing at your misery.



Comments are closed.