Rule 5 Sunday: Away From Home

— compiled by Wombat-socho


Having wasted most of my Sunday (listening to baseball and slaving over the hot pixels of wargame software), it is now time to consider the handiwork of God, as Lewis Grizzard once said before heading down for a tour of Atlanta’s strip clubs.
I am. as usual, obliged to remind the Loyal Readers that while most of the links to follow are quite tasteful and artistic, others are Not Safe For Work, and clicking on them could lead to a serious contamination of your purity of essence, among other unfortunate eventualities. On with the linkagery!


Milking her recent triumph on the FMJRA for all it’s worth, EBL now engages in an udderly fantastic debut on Rule 5 Sunday by sending us a link to 21 pics of Kate Upton, Not content with that, she exhorts us to learn Chinese the sexy way, but overcome with her success, falls headlong into the trap of (classical Japanese) tentacle porn, which in some way is conflated with the equally creepy Obama Wedding Registry thing. Thank God there were no fursuits involved, that’s all I have to say.


The Rio Norte Line has a more attractive alternative to Hope and Change as well as some Cheryl Cole; the POH Diaries has S.E. Cupp, and Laughing Conservatie goes with Danielle Lloyd. Randy’s Roundtable midweek break has Lisa Cazzulimi and another backer of the Eater of Dogs.
Zion’s Trumpet narrows its focus to Raquel Pomplun this week, and Reaganite Republican spotlights Katie Pavlich. First Street Journal has more women with weapons (as opposed to girls with guns), while from Fishersville Mike comes the depressing reminder that football season is not far off.


Soylent Green kicks off early with a Sunday Snoochita, followed by a Monday Motivationer, Tuesday Titillation, Humpday Hawt, Solstice Snooch, Beach Breakfast, some driftwood, and wraps up with some overnight awesome.


A View From The Beach checks in with a Vanilla Ice reference suitable for last week’s heat wave, follows with a cheap shot at Liz Warren, zombies, the obligatory cave girls, and some dating advice involving dogs.


El Opinador Compulsivo goes with the Steampunk Dozen (which kinda makes up for the lack of Corset Friday at Soylent Green) and Jessica Jane Clement. Proof Positive has Marilia Moreno, vintage babe Susan Sarandon, and in the Sex In Advertising segment, it’s “You’re Not The First”. Three Beers Later provides fresh Juliana Moreira, and Dustbury has Condola Rashad, Tristan Prettyman. and Zooey without the palooza.


We end this Rule 5 Sunday as we end all our Rule 5 Sundays, with the Daley Gator’s Daleybabes: Misa Campo, Chili, Rutina Wesley, Ashanti, Kim Delaney, Saiyuki Matsumoto, Jennifer Nicole Lee, and a Rule 5 Tour with Megumi Fukushita.


Thanks to everyone for their linkagery! Deadline for next Sunday’s Rule 5 roundup with be Saturday, June 30; please be sure your links go to the Rule 5 Wombat mailbox.

Troglopundit Is Not Only an Acromegalic Sideshow Freak, But Is Also Wrong

My friend Lance Burri was once famous as the second ugliest conservative blogger in Wisconsin. That was before Sean Hackbarth and his ludicrous hipster soul-patch moved to Washington, D.C., however, and the Towering Man-Mountain of Cheeseland has since ascended to the pinnacle. But I digress . . .

Troglopundit has wasted several thousand pixels in defending the folly known as The Rick Perry “Only Conservative Who Can Beat Mitt” Bandwagon and, because his wrongness is so transcendently self-evident, I thought I’d link it, denouncing the Trog as a worthless varmint.

Just because he is my friend.

If Lance were my enemy, I’d praise him, and then he would be added to the Official Tabitha Hale List of Unimportant Bloggers™ on which list my own name is permanently foremost.

FMJRA 2.0: This Is Your Life…

— compiled by Wombat-socho

Death Toll Now Reported at 91 in Norway ‘Christian Fundamentalist’ Terror Attack UPDATE: Video Added; Gunman Posed as Policeman and Boasted, ‘I’ll Kill You All’

A One-Way Ticket to Des Moines …

LATEST: BOEHNER CANCELS VOTE! EARLIER: Pizza Delivery to Boehner’s Office Could Signal an All-Nighter UPDATE: Boehner Yanks Debt-Ceiling Bill at Last Minute! Vote Postponed UPDATE: Sarah Palin Sends Cryptic Message to Republican Freshmen UPDATE: Boehner Now 2 Votes Short?

Democrat Sex Scandal: Teen Accuses Oregon Congressman David Wu

MSM Goes LGF: Media Trying to Blame Norway Massacre on Pamela Geller?

CAIR Loves ‘Em Some LGF: ‘Glad to See That Chaz Is Now Marketing the Caliphate’

Obama’s Foreign Policy Is About as Successful as Obama’s Domestic Policy

Holy Freaking Crap: White House Spokesman Admits It’s Just Kabuki? UPDATED: Now With Video

BLACK MONDAY? Obama’s Debt-Ceiling Crisis Strategy Could Sink Wall Street

I Have, In Fact, Fathered One Ridiculously Handsome Fellow

Bad News, America: NASCAR Is Now Allowing French-Canadian Drivers …

A: Have You Considered Tendering Your Resignation, Sir?

FAA Shutdown Goes Mostly Unnoticed; Really Futile And Stupid Gesture Required

Obligatory Hollywood Teen Bride and ‘OMG! Bristol Palin! Scandal!’ Blogging

Possible T-Shirt Slogan?

Don’t Mess With the Zilla!

‘Notification of Donation Received’

FMJRA 2.0: Steam

Rule 5 Sunday: Too Fast For Love

LIVE AT FIVE – 07.25.11

HuffPo Blogger Talks About Liberty Like It’s A Bad Thing

The Economic Kabuki Is A Bigger Problem Than The Political

Bogus ‘Facts’? Twisted Logic? Raw Hate? Of Course: It’s Democratic Underground!

Terrorists for Tax Increases

Spooky Kabuki: More Free Primetime TV for the Summer Bummer Obama Drama

More Honest and Interesting Than Whatever Obama’s Gonna Say on TV

Zilla Wins the Internet

A Democrat Admits the Truth

LIVE AT FIVE – 07.26.11

Going-In Position: The Opposite Of Jim Moran’s Ideas Are Good Ones

Obama Kabuki Wrecking Your 401(k)

Nancy Pelosi’s Class-Warfare Rant: ‘We Get the Sacrifice, They Share the Wealth’

LIVE AT FIVE – 07.27.11

‘F*** JOHN McCAIN!’

VIDEO: Dick Morris Interview With Herman Cain: ‘What an Impressive Guy!’

Hey, If You Listened to Glenn Beck …

Hmmmm …

Pamela Geller Vindicated, Again, While the LGF Auto-Beclownment Continues

LIVE AT FIVE – 07.28.11

House Will Vote Today on Revamped Debt-Ceiling Bill; Senate Dems Say ‘No’

Wow. Just … Wow.

BLACK FRIDAY? Betting Market Reaction to Failure of Boehner’s Debt-Ceiling Bill

LIVE AT FIVE – 07.29.11

Obama Speaks, Markets Fall

Pete Wins the $10. I Blame Soros.

Top linkers this week:

  1. The Pro From Poca (21)
  2. (tied) The Lonely Conservative and The Camp Of The Saints (12)
  3. Da Tech Guy (7)
  4. (tied) Zilla Of The Resistance  and Conservative Commune (6)
  5. (tied) Rhetorican and That Mr. G Guy

Want to be included in next week’s FMJRA festival of linkagery, but WordPress rejects your unworthy Blogspot links? Send your links (along with The Other McCain post you linked) to Wombat-socho with “FMJRA” or “Shameless Blogwhoring” in the subject line by midnight August 5, and you too will be numbered among the worthy!

…and it’s ending one minute at a time.

Stupid Google Tricks

“Being ranked in the top 5 for something on Google and being ranked 25th or 125th can be the difference between selling your crappy website to AOL for $315 million and going out of business.”
— James Joyner, Outside the Beltway

The fact that a major corporation like J.C. Penney was willing to pay money for Web geeks to make sure they were the top Google result for phrases like “grommet top curtains” ought to tell you how important the Internet has become to commerce. Reverse-engineering the Google algorithm is the sort of knowledge-is-power formula that any student of human nature might have predicted would swiftly be hijacked to serve selfish and/or malevolent purposes.

The whole point of “How to Get a Million Hits” was to demonstrate that blogging isn’t rocket science, and to share a few simple ideas from my Underpants Gnome Theory of how it works.

That’s why, as Rule 3, I recommended Memeorandum as a source for political blog fodder. (Which is where I found Joyner’s post.) Memeorandum is an exceptional tool if the question you’re trying to answer is, “What are other bloggers are blogging about?”

They’ve got an algorithm over there, and one of the ways you make it onto the Memeorandum aggregation is by acknowledging them as a source. Because their choices are determined by an algorithm, you’re not at the mercy of some human “decided” who might play favorites.

You can use Memeorandum as a guide to where the blog conversation is heading, and also to find other bloggers you might want to link and quote. A relatively small group of bloggers who are (a) all getting blog fodder from a common source, (b) frequently linking to each other, and (c) collectively directing a fair amount of traffic to Memeorandum, can thereby become a sort of “center of gravity” in the blogosphere.

Jimmie Bise once dubbed this concept The Million Hit Squad. It is sort of a “gaming the algorithm” trick, except that it isn’t a secret and is intended to produce a kind of win-win result: Memeorandum gets more traffic, and the bloggers who use The Rules get more linkage, because they are engaged in mutually aggregating each other’s commentary. If enough bloggers follow that method, it would also give conservative sites more weight in the Memeorandum algorithm which currently tends to show more Left-leaning blogs (and their pet topics), for reasons that need not be discussed here.

Of course, to succeed with that concept, you still have to bring some element of skill and knowledge to the ‘sphere, and be able to contribute new information to the conversation. Here I would recommend a simple idea: Use Google News searches to expand your aggregation.

For example, I used Google News to find this relevant New York Times story from last week:

[A]n art and science at which The Huffington Post excels [is] search engine optimization, or S.E.O. The term covers a wide range of behind-the-scenes tactics for getting search engine users to visit a Web site, like choosing story topics based on popular searches.
Because Google is many Internet users’ front door to the Web, S.E.O. has become an obsession for many Web publishers, and successful ones use the strategies to varying degrees. But as newspapers, magazines, blogs and online-only news sites increasingly compete for readers, they are making it more of a priority than ever and adopting new techniques, like trying to maximize pass-alongs on social networks.

That article offers a revealing insight into how people who are in the business of generating page-views — whose jobs are dependent on success in that endeavor — do what they do. Even if you’re a dinky new blogger nobody ever heard of, you can adapt such advanced methods to a small scale.

Note that I have now, in a single post, combined multiple elements:

  1. James Joyner’s quote.
  2. Link to the article Joyner was commenting on.
  3. Link to Memeorandum.
  4. Link to a related news article.
  5. My own original contributions to the conversation.

It’s the value-added concept of customer service, applied to New Media. And it’s not rocket science. You can become your own traffic-enhancement expert.


She’s More Catholic Than the Pope

Lisa Graas wants to update the “about” page on her blog, and is looking for commendations from other bloggers, so there’s mine.

Lisa always kids me about the fact that among the top referrers to her blog, it’s a bunch of hardcore Catholics and me. Being a pro-life Protestant (and father of six) probably explains that. Anyway . . .

Lisa is not afraid to stand up for her beliefs, whatever the cost. She was leading the PalinTwibe — the Twitter posse for Sarah Palin — and advocating for Bill Johnson in the Kentucky GOP Senate primary. With Rand Paul also in the primary, her advocacy made Graas an especial target of the Paulistas, and if you’ve ever seen those guys go to work on somebody . . . well, they never heard of a “fair fight.” It got rough.

But then it got rougher: When Sarah Palin endorsed Rand Paul, Lisa had to make a choice and she decided to resign from the PalinTwibe rather than to back down from her opposition to Paul.

However much you may disagree with Lisa’s stance (and personally, I’m OK with the Paulistas, even if their online fanatics are cruel and obnoxious), you have to admire Lisa’s commitment to principle. In a political environment where “go-along-to-get-along” is the prevailing ethos, Lisa Graas stands firmly for her principles.

You don’t have to agree with her. But you’ve got to respect her.

PREVIOUSLY: “Lisa Graas Takes on the Paulistas”

UPDATE: Also, she gives good FMRJA. Speaking of which, we’re way overdue for a few inspirational words from Gunnery Sergeant Hartman:

Welcome to the Parris Island of the blogosphere.

How to Do an Awesome Blog Post

Begin with an introductory sentence that ends with a link to your inspiration:

There will always be a fringe, living in its own private madhouse, that will never accept truth regardless of how it is presented.

As night follows day, the link is followed by a blockquote selection from the inspiration. Here, you have several options. You can just end it with some quick snark, or go on an extended rant.

Alternatively, you can try to relate the inspiration to something that’s trending on Memorandum. And what do I see linked here? It’s a headline:

Exclusive: Jimmy Carter headed to
North Korea on rescue mission
 

Notice that I’ve blockquoted that, in a large boldface font, so it actually looks like a headline. It helps if you include a photo of Jimmy Carter with a sarcastic caption.

One need not know anything about Jimmy Carter or North Korea, or the specific object of Carter’s Pyonyang misson, in order to make snarky comments about this headline. But let’s blockquote the story anyway:

His goal is to bring back Aijalon Mahli Gomes, a 30-year-old man from Boston who was sentenced to 8 years in prison in April, about three months after he was arrested crossing into North Korea via China.

Who in his right mind would try to sneak into North Korea? Aijalon Mahli Gomes is from Boston, so he’s used to living in a communist hellhole. Let the socialist scum rot in prison. But wait — there’s more:

Sen. John Kerry, D-MA, had offered to go to pick up Gomes and has been working on the case for months.

Yeah, it figures: This guy from Boston must be a Democratic voter, and Kerry wants to get him out of North Korea and back home before Nov. 2, so the guy can vote for Barney Frank. This shows Democrats must really be freaking out over the mid-term election, and are afraid that Republican challenger Sean Bielat is gaining momentum.

Let’s make a deal: If this Boston guy gets to come home, the North Koreans keep Jimmy Carter.

And that is how you do an awesome blog post. Please visit Jerry Wilson’s “Goldfish and Clowns” blog. He’s into NASCAR and Christine O’Donnell.

Kill Truck Informs Me She’s Now Reading ‘How to Get a Million Hits on Your Blog’

Looks like she’s got Rule 5 (“Everybody Loves a Pretty Girl“) nailed down cold, but she’s experiencing a problem I’ve experienced myself: Getting linked for the funny stuff, while more serious work gets overlooked:


Kill Truck’s “something real” was an analysis of Peter Schiff’s Senate campaign in Connecticut, which included some observations about the Tea Party movement.

Trying to get a good content mix — hard-core politics, media criticism, cultural commentary, silly fun stuff — is an experimental process and there’s no magic formula, but there is method to the madness. It ain’t all bikini pics and blogwhoring. 

Having a traffic-growth approach to blogging requires patience and a willingness to do some serious “eat your vegetables” stuff that doesn’t get a lot of traffic, but which functions as ballast to the more light-hearted material.

Also, try to get re-Tweeted by Alyssa Milano.

Meanwhile, everybody follow Kill Truck on Twitter and read her blog. She may post a bikini picture any day now.

UPDATE: Lest you think I’m merely joking about the bikini picture, I’ll include this screen-cap of conservative blogger Cassy Fiano’s sidebar. You’ll notice that, wedged between the cleavage shot and the bikini shot, is a link for her bridal registry. 

This is what we call marketing genius.

Cassy is an excellent blogger whose recent blog topics have included:

An interesting mix of topics, you see. And she doesn’t seem the least bit embarrassed about looking good in a bikini, which may help explain why she and her new husband, Matt, are now expecting their first child.

Congratulations, Cassy! And thanks for your shameless obedience to Rule 2.

Dan Riehl and the Zero Hour

 He now averages more than a quarter-million visitors per month, but when he started out blogging in 2004 . . . eh, not so much:

I remember trying to deduct my own visits from my sitemeter one day, figuring I had had about 17 actual visitors for 24 hrs.

Having the persistence to stick with it — to reach the milestone of 15,000 posts — is a tribute to Dan’s bulldog tenacity.

Or maybe he’s just freakin’ nuts, which is my excuse.