Alyssa Milano Is Reese Witherspoon’s Slutty Best Friend and . . .

. . . Mark Wahlberg is disturbingly good as the sociopathic boyfriend in Fear (1996), which was on AMC this afternoon.

It was about 3 o’clock and I figured it was time for a nap so I could be fresh for the runoff election results tonight in Georgia, where my buddy Ali Akbar should be celebrating a hard-fought victory for Ray McKinney. So I laid down with a book and flipped on the TV and . . .

Wow, it’s Reese Witherspoon as a naive 16-year-old and, hey, she’s making eyes at Mark Wahlberg.

And whoa! Unbelievable! Reese just let him get to third base with her on a roller coaster to the tune of “Wild Horses”!

What the heck was this movie? I recognized William Petersen (Dr. Gil Grissom from “CSI”) as the father, but because I was trying to read a book, I kept missing the ID points before and after the commercial breaks. As the foreshadowing began to become more and more suggestive of a tense psychodrama, I gave up on the nap, jumped on the computer and Googled “Witherspoon + Wahlberg” and . . .

Whoa, dude! The slutty best friend is Alyssa Milano? My all-time Twitter quest, Alyssa Milano? So, yeah, I had to Tweet it:

Did Alyssa re-Tweet me to her 980,000+ Twitter followers? Not yet. But then again, you haven’t signed the petition, have you?

Oh, and be sure to buy the DVD of Fear (only $9.49 via Amazon) if you haven’t seen it yet. It’s 31 flavors of awesome.