The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Dear Rachel Maddow: How Often Should We Shake Hands With Mister Happy?

Posted on | September 15, 2010 | 96 Comments

Professor William Jacobson has accused you, Miss Maddow, of “sexualizing” Christine O’Donnell, which may elicit some unfortunate mental images, so let’s not go there, OK?

However, reasonable people of goodwill might wonder what political advantage you hoped to gain for the Progressive Wanker Community by calling attention to Miss O’Donnell’s youthful career as an advocate of sexual purity, to wit:

“We need to address sexuality with young people, and masturbation is part of sexuality, but it is important to discuss this from a moral point of view. . . . The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery so — you can’t masturbate without lust.”
Christine O’Donnell, 1996

Is there anything controversial about this? Do you, Miss Maddow, find anything factually wrong about Miss O’Donnell’s assertions? Perhaps you believe that we should not discuss sexuality “from a moral point of view.” Perhaps you think that masturbation without lust is possible. Do you think Americans don’t masturbate enough? Do they masturbate too much? Are we just not doing it the right way? Or is it possible that you think we have arrived at the Golden Age of Onanistic Indulgence?

Inquiring minds want to know, Miss Maddow, and you have a nightly television show where you are free to share your own views on the subject, given your evident interest in the Science of Self-Pleasure.

You should discuss this idea with your producers at MSNBC, as I’m sure that the Rachel Maddow Spank the Monkey Special would draw much higher ratings than anything Chris Matthews might say about his Obama-inspired leg thrills.

America awaits your helpful advice and thoughtful insights on the proper method and optimal frequency for pounding our puds or, as the case may be, buffing your muff.

You’ll have to excuse me now, Miss Maddow. As the AOSHQ gang would say, “I’ll be in my bunk.”

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Comments

  • Carl

    Again, I would point out that O’Donnell’s views on sexual morality and creationism are identical to those held by the Catholic Church. So all of you who are calling her a kook and nutty are also calling the Catholic Church kooky and nutty. Are you sure you really want these views associated with the Democratic Party in Delaware?

    A lot of voters there, who usually vote Democratic, are blue collar, traditional, conservative Catholics. I’ll take you back to the VP debates where Joe Biden said that personally he believes that life begins at conception and that he could not personally support any abortion – but he separates his personal views from state policy. Joe Biden also said that he supports only traditional marriage. Joe Biden understands the traditional values of the voters of Delaware. Delaware is not California.

    So go ahead and attack O’Donnell on her views. If she counter attacks properly, she will end up winning by 10 points!

  • Carl

    Again, I would point out that O’Donnell’s views on sexual morality and creationism are identical to those held by the Catholic Church. So all of you who are calling her a kook and nutty are also calling the Catholic Church kooky and nutty. Are you sure you really want these views associated with the Democratic Party in Delaware?

    A lot of voters there, who usually vote Democratic, are blue collar, traditional, conservative Catholics. I’ll take you back to the VP debates where Joe Biden said that personally he believes that life begins at conception and that he could not personally support any abortion – but he separates his personal views from state policy. Joe Biden also said that he supports only traditional marriage. Joe Biden understands the traditional values of the voters of Delaware. Delaware is not California.

    So go ahead and attack O’Donnell on her views. If she counter attacks properly, she will end up winning by 10 points!

  • http://www.rachelmaddow.com/ Rachel Maddow

    Thanks for watching my back scotch43. I like my scotch 43 years old and I like my women around the same age, if you catch my drift.

    Christine, if you ever need a shoulder to cry on after the election, give me a call.

  • http://www.rachelmaddow.com/ Rachel Maddow

    Thanks for watching my back scotch43. I like my scotch 43 years old and I like my women around the same age, if you catch my drift.

    Christine, if you ever need a shoulder to cry on after the election, give me a call.

  • http://www.littlegreenfootballs.com Charles Johnson

    It’s a teabag world. We’re all just steeping in it.

    As you can guess, I am against Chrstine O’Donnell. From all that guitar playing, well I am a master…well you get the idea.

  • http://www.littlegreenfootballs.com Charles Johnson

    It’s a teabag world. We’re all just steeping in it.

    As you can guess, I am against Chrstine O’Donnell. From all that guitar playing, well I am a master…well you get the idea.

  • Estragon

    I find it mildly amusing that Y4E just can’t even post a short message without factual errors. The reports were that O’Donnell had dated her campaign LAWYER from the 2008 campaign.

    And I’m sure it will come to a surprise to the young wanton creatures among us, but people have been known to date without having sex. I know it’s hard to understand for someone who “hooks up” by text message and has more “friends with benefits” than a San Francisco bath house.

  • Estragon

    I find it mildly amusing that Y4E just can’t even post a short message without factual errors. The reports were that O’Donnell had dated her campaign LAWYER from the 2008 campaign.

    And I’m sure it will come to a surprise to the young wanton creatures among us, but people have been known to date without having sex. I know it’s hard to understand for someone who “hooks up” by text message and has more “friends with benefits” than a San Francisco bath house.

  • wombat-socho

    scotch 43: You really ought to get out of your basement once in a while and actually hang out with some Republicans, because it’s pretty obvious from your comment that you don’t actually know any in real life.

  • wombat-socho

    scotch 43: You really ought to get out of your basement once in a while and actually hang out with some Republicans, because it’s pretty obvious from your comment that you don’t actually know any in real life.

  • http://thecampofthesaints.wordpress.com Bob Belvedere

    Somebody should start-up
    ONANISTS FOR O’DONNELL.

  • http://thecampofthesaints.wordpress.com Bob Belvedere

    Somebody should start-up
    ONANISTS FOR O’DONNELL.

  • Joe
  • Joe
  • http://qwertyaltofuori.blogspot.com Red

    You had me at “Onanistic”.

  • molonlabe28

    The reality is that these people absolutely hate Christians and Christianity.

    They cannot square the notion of following God-given commandments with their situational ethics and moral relativism.

  • http://qwertyaltofuori.blogspot.com Red

    You had me at “Onanistic”.

  • molonlabe28

    The reality is that these people absolutely hate Christians and Christianity.

    They cannot square the notion of following God-given commandments with their situational ethics and moral relativism.

  • Joe

    molonlabe28, to be fair, some of them cannot square the notion of you imposing God given commandments on them. They are paranoid about that.

    Christine O’Donnell reminds me of certain girls I went to parochial school with. I do not fear her. I hope she is smart enough to focus on the fiscal issues and not the social ones (because social cons can sometimes become disturbingly similar to secular nannycon Bloombergs). Santorum lost in Pennsylvania over stuff like that.

    But her stance on abortion is one of conviction. Now I do not go as far as her in opposing the practice, but is a pro life Senator such a threat to liberty? I do not think so. Shouldn’t the not yet born have a voice of advocacy too?

  • Joe

    molonlabe28, to be fair, some of them cannot square the notion of you imposing God given commandments on them. They are paranoid about that.

    Christine O’Donnell reminds me of certain girls I went to parochial school with. I do not fear her. I hope she is smart enough to focus on the fiscal issues and not the social ones (because social cons can sometimes become disturbingly similar to secular nannycon Bloombergs). Santorum lost in Pennsylvania over stuff like that.

    But her stance on abortion is one of conviction. Now I do not go as far as her in opposing the practice, but is a pro life Senator such a threat to liberty? I do not think so. Shouldn’t the not yet born have a voice of advocacy too?

  • http://threebeerslater.blogspot.com layaway

    What could Christine O’Donnell possibly say — or vote on — that’s nuttier than “Obamacare will lower healthcare costs and you’ll get to keep your current insurance” or “We have to spend our way out of debt”?

  • http://threebeerslater.blogspot.com layaway

    What could Christine O’Donnell possibly say — or vote on — that’s nuttier than “Obamacare will lower healthcare costs and you’ll get to keep your current insurance” or “We have to spend our way out of debt”?

  • http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/119017-reid-coons-qmy-petq-will-win-de-senate-seat Senator Harry Reid

    She can’t out nut me layaway, that is for sure!

  • http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/119017-reid-coons-qmy-petq-will-win-de-senate-seat Senator Harry Reid

    She can’t out nut me layaway, that is for sure!

  • DaveP.

    For thirty years now, Liberals and Libertarians have been warning about the Great Christian Takeover that is due Any Time Now if anyone dares vote for someone who actually professes a belief in God or to have religous convictions.

    So far, hasn’t happened.

    Didn’t happen in the previous two-hundred-odd years, either.

    So… displacement? Psychosis? or class-based horsecrap?

  • DaveP.

    For thirty years now, Liberals and Libertarians have been warning about the Great Christian Takeover that is due Any Time Now if anyone dares vote for someone who actually professes a belief in God or to have religous convictions.

    So far, hasn’t happened.

    Didn’t happen in the previous two-hundred-odd years, either.

    So… displacement? Psychosis? or class-based horsecrap?

  • http://thecampofthesaints.wordpress.com Bob Belvedere

    DaveP asked: So… displacement? Psychosis? or class-based horsecrap?

    I vote (d) All of the above.

  • http://thecampofthesaints.wordpress.com Bob Belvedere

    DaveP asked: So… displacement? Psychosis? or class-based horsecrap?

    I vote (d) All of the above.

  • http://theempressisnaked.blogspot.com/ lin sim

    The Maddowites’ fascination with O’Donnell’s fifteen year old views on masturbation reveals that they are, at heart, prudishly unfulfilled spinsters.

  • http://theempressisnaked.blogspot.com/ lin sim

    The Maddowites’ fascination with O’Donnell’s fifteen year old views on masturbation reveals that they are, at heart, prudishly unfulfilled spinsters.

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  • scotch43

    molonlabe28
    thanks for the laugh..but I’m a bit confused, I thought it was the muslims we were hating on…these guys came to mind when I read your post…Sen. I like my prostitutes to diaper me, and Sen Ensign I like getting really close to my employees, or Sen. Sanford, lets go hiking, yeah the republican moral superiority,lets get back to those good ole christian values, just remember to do as I say not as I do, and you’ll be morally superior too.
    Rachel Maddow…no problem, but alas, I created that screen name many years ago…but I’ll make you a promise, when Odonnell loses, and normal sex acts aren’t prohibited, I’ll teach you how to tweek that little button of yours…if you catch my drift…
    wombat-socho…I allow young kids of republican parents who have been throw out after being caught doing what odonnell is so against to live in my finished basement. Back when I was in my 20′s, I was the republican committeeperson in my community…then I grew up, and realized there were others in the world, that the world didn’t revolve around me,me,me….

  • scotch43

    molonlabe28
    thanks for the laugh..but I’m a bit confused, I thought it was the muslims we were hating on…these guys came to mind when I read your post…Sen. I like my prostitutes to diaper me, and Sen Ensign I like getting really close to my employees, or Sen. Sanford, lets go hiking, yeah the republican moral superiority,lets get back to those good ole christian values, just remember to do as I say not as I do, and you’ll be morally superior too.
    Rachel Maddow…no problem, but alas, I created that screen name many years ago…but I’ll make you a promise, when Odonnell loses, and normal sex acts aren’t prohibited, I’ll teach you how to tweek that little button of yours…if you catch my drift…
    wombat-socho…I allow young kids of republican parents who have been throw out after being caught doing what odonnell is so against to live in my finished basement. Back when I was in my 20′s, I was the republican committeeperson in my community…then I grew up, and realized there were others in the world, that the world didn’t revolve around me,me,me….

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  • Angry Geometer

    Do you, Mister McCain, really believe that masturbation is as big a sin as adultery?

  • Angry Geometer

    Do you, Mister McCain, really believe that masturbation is as big a sin as adultery?

  • libarbarian

    Touch your wiener = go to hell.

    Plus, even if men abstain from Masturbation they just end up having periodic wet dreams – often about people other than their wives – which are also condemned, so it really turns out:

    NOT touching your wiener = go to hell too.

    Still, at least she was addressing a serious and pressing social problem. Most adolescent misbehavior stems from masturbating and/or not masturbating. One or the other. Either way, you’re going to hell.

  • libarbarian

    Touch your wiener = go to hell.

    Plus, even if men abstain from Masturbation they just end up having periodic wet dreams – often about people other than their wives – which are also condemned, so it really turns out:

    NOT touching your wiener = go to hell too.

    Still, at least she was addressing a serious and pressing social problem. Most adolescent misbehavior stems from masturbating and/or not masturbating. One or the other. Either way, you’re going to hell.

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  • Sarcastro

    Again, I would point out that O’Donnell’s views on sexual morality and creationism are identical to those held by the Catholic Church.

    So you’re saying to keep her away from children?

    So all of you who are calling her a kook and nutty are also calling the Catholic Church kooky and nutty.

    You wear a dress and speak Latin: you get called kooky and nutty.

    Are you sure you really want these views associated with the Democratic Party in Delaware?

    Sorry, I’m not a moral coward who is willing to subvert the truth for political gain.

    A lot of voters there, who usually vote Democratic, are blue collar, traditional, conservative Catholics.

    That means they aren’t fundy retards. They’ll still vote Democratic because it’s still preferable to fundy retards.

    I’ll take you back to the VP debates where Joe Biden said that personally he believes that life begins at conception and that he could not personally support any abortion – but he separates his personal views from state policy.

    Which this twit does not.

    Joe Biden also said that he supports only traditional marriage. Joe Biden understands the traditional values of the voters of Delaware. Delaware is not California.

    Joe Biden understands that personal values are not to be inflicted on others. So do most of the voters in CA and DE. Which is why they don’t vote for fundy retards.

    So go ahead and attack O’Donnell on her views.

    Done!

    If she counter attacks properly, she will end up winning by 10 points!

    If ifs and buts were candied nuts, you’d be a fatass.

  • Sarcastro

    Again, I would point out that O’Donnell’s views on sexual morality and creationism are identical to those held by the Catholic Church.

    So you’re saying to keep her away from children?

    So all of you who are calling her a kook and nutty are also calling the Catholic Church kooky and nutty.

    You wear a dress and speak Latin: you get called kooky and nutty.

    Are you sure you really want these views associated with the Democratic Party in Delaware?

    Sorry, I’m not a moral coward who is willing to subvert the truth for political gain.

    A lot of voters there, who usually vote Democratic, are blue collar, traditional, conservative Catholics.

    That means they aren’t fundy retards. They’ll still vote Democratic because it’s still preferable to fundy retards.

    I’ll take you back to the VP debates where Joe Biden said that personally he believes that life begins at conception and that he could not personally support any abortion – but he separates his personal views from state policy.

    Which this twit does not.

    Joe Biden also said that he supports only traditional marriage. Joe Biden understands the traditional values of the voters of Delaware. Delaware is not California.

    Joe Biden understands that personal values are not to be inflicted on others. So do most of the voters in CA and DE. Which is why they don’t vote for fundy retards.

    So go ahead and attack O’Donnell on her views.

    Done!

    If she counter attacks properly, she will end up winning by 10 points!

    If ifs and buts were candied nuts, you’d be a fatass.

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