Dear Rachel Maddow: How Often Should We Shake Hands With Mister Happy?

Posted on | September 15, 2010 | 96 Comments

Professor William Jacobson has accused you, Miss Maddow, of “sexualizing” Christine O’Donnell, which may elicit some unfortunate mental images, so let’s not go there, OK?

However, reasonable people of goodwill might wonder what political advantage you hoped to gain for the Progressive Wanker Community by calling attention to Miss O’Donnell’s youthful career as an advocate of sexual purity, to wit:

“We need to address sexuality with young people, and masturbation is part of sexuality, but it is important to discuss this from a moral point of view. . . . The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery so — you can’t masturbate without lust.”
— Christine O’Donnell, 1996

Is there anything controversial about this? Do you, Miss Maddow, find anything factually wrong about Miss O’Donnell’s assertions? Perhaps you believe that we should not discuss sexuality “from a moral point of view.” Perhaps you think that masturbation without lust is possible. Do you think Americans don’t masturbate enough? Do they masturbate too much? Are we just not doing it the right way? Or is it possible that you think we have arrived at the Golden Age of Onanistic Indulgence?

Inquiring minds want to know, Miss Maddow, and you have a nightly television show where you are free to share your own views on the subject, given your evident interest in the Science of Self-Pleasure.

You should discuss this idea with your producers at MSNBC, as I’m sure that the Rachel Maddow Spank the Monkey Special would draw much higher ratings than anything Chris Matthews might say about his Obama-inspired leg thrills.

America awaits your helpful advice and thoughtful insights on the proper method and optimal frequency for pounding our puds or, as the case may be, buffing your muff.

You’ll have to excuse me now, Miss Maddow. As the AOSHQ gang would say, “I’ll be in my bunk.”

Category: MSNBC, Sex

Comments

96 Responses to “Dear Rachel Maddow: How Often Should We Shake Hands With Mister Happy?”

Senator Harry Reid
September 15th, 2010 @ 8:23 pm

You may not know this but every time Rachel Maddow mentions Christine O’Donnell, God kills a kitten.

Did I mention Chris Cooms is my pet. I just love him so much!
Senator Harry Reid
September 15th, 2010 @ 8:23 pm

Please Rachel, think of the kittens.
Adobe Walls
September 15th, 2010 @ 8:55 pm

Sarcasm is truly an art form.
Live Free Or Die
September 15th, 2010 @ 8:57 pm

Jocelyn Elders agrees with Rachel Maddcow’s sexualizing Christina O’Donnell.

Bill Clinton thinks Christine O’Donnell looks like an intern he once did not have sex with.
sidney funck
September 15th, 2010 @ 9:14 pm

go christine o’donnell you nor rachel?
Alec Leamas
September 15th, 2010 @ 9:14 pm

I really want to hear from Pro-Masturbation Candidate Chris Coons.
Carl
September 15th, 2010 @ 9:19 pm

I don’t know why the left is trying to make this into a big issue, as O’Donnell can easily turn it around on them. In 1994 Bill Clinton had to demand Jocelyn Elders’ (Surgeon General) resignation after she stated children should be encouraged to masturbate to prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancies. The blowback didn’t just come from conservatives either; a large block of Catholic Democrats were outraged with her statement.

As I understand it, Delaware has a huge Catholic population and if Democrats say O’Donnell’s position on masturbation is extreme, all she has to say is that Democrats must also think Catholic teachings are extreme. People on the far left like Maddow continually forget what a large voting block conservative Catholics are in the Democratic Party. My bet is Coons is smart enough not to go anywhere near this issue.

By the way, Bill Clinto would have avoided a lot of headaches had he taken Elders’ advice.
Matthew
September 15th, 2010 @ 9:19 pm

What? This is kinda weird, actually
William
September 15th, 2010 @ 9:20 pm

Given that the entire Democrat platform has become economic, moral, and environmental masturbation, I’m glad Maddow’s finally focusing again on the issues.
jefferson101
September 15th, 2010 @ 9:22 pm

@ Alec Lemas:

No, you don’t. He’ll dress it up in the Flag and his Mom’s Apple Pie, and it’ll come out looking like a bad old movie.

But he’s apparently the only jerk-off approved candidate in this particular race.

I can’t believe I said that. I don’t get that gross on the net, ever. Oh, well. Some subjects just require that I go back to my roots. I was raised by and around WWII veteran lifer Noncoms, and sometimes I can’t help myself.

I haven’t learned a new profanity or obscenity since I was about 11 years old. I try to overcome my upbringing in that regard, but those guys were all absolute professionals at every euphemism ever invented for any of them, too. And that was my training ground.

Please don’t get me started.
Alec Leamas
September 15th, 2010 @ 9:28 pm

I’ve said it before and I think that Carl is on to something – any Democratic candidate who professes to be a Roman Catholic must share O’Donnell’s personal moral belief about masturbation.
Robert Stacy McCain
September 15th, 2010 @ 9:43 pm

I really want to hear from Pro-Masturbation Candidate Chris Coons.

Workers of the World, Unite! You have nothing to lose but your jism!

Too much wanking can lead to Marxism, they say.
young4eyes
September 15th, 2010 @ 10:07 pm

Why masturbate when you can tea-bag?
young4eyes
September 15th, 2010 @ 10:16 pm

Stacy, why don’t we step it up a notch:
Ms. O’Donnel is not married.She is said to be dating her campaign manager.Is she saving herself for marriage? Is she currently having pre-marital relations?
It would say an awful lot about a candidate that wants to dictate to others about her ideas of proper sexual behaviors if she herself doesn’t abide by them, wouldn’t it???
malclave
September 15th, 2010 @ 10:21 pm

“Dictate to others”?

Did O’Donnell propose making premarital sex illegal or something?
Wondering Jew
September 15th, 2010 @ 10:23 pm

A little political Akido against Rachel Maddow . . . very nice.
waylay
September 15th, 2010 @ 10:35 pm

O’Donnell is just another Republican party “Family Values” hypocrite. That’s all. And a nut.

Because everyone knows men like to have something to look at?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzHcqcXo_NA

I really like that last line of hers. This is why she doesn’t like masturbation.

“If he already knows what pleases him and can please himself, then why am I in the picture?”

Because, apparently, her only purpose in the relationship is to provide a little friction, and the only way she can improve on her man’s experience is by keeping him ignorant. So yes, why is she in the picture?
waylay
September 15th, 2010 @ 10:56 pm

Hey RSM, are you going to bend over backwards to defend O’Donnell’s other views like her statements on co-ed or-gy rooms…

http://bit.ly/aTjV3E

and her rabid young earth creationism as well?

http://www.tnr.com/blog/the-vine/77707/odonnell-carbon-dating-bogus

She is an out and out nut. Accept that and it will save you some grief. And an anticlimax to your mental masturbation.
waylay
September 15th, 2010 @ 10:56 pm

Hey RSM, are you going to bend over backwards to defend O’Donnell’s other views like her statements on co-ed or-gy rooms…

http://bit.ly/aTjV3E
waylay
September 15th, 2010 @ 10:57 pm

…and her rabid young earth creationism as well?

http://www.tnr.com/blog/the-vine/77707/odonnell-carbon-dating-bogus

She is an out and out nut. Accept that and it will save you some grief. And an anti-climax to your mental mastur-bation.
Adobe Walls
September 15th, 2010 @ 11:17 pm

And why would we not want a few nuts in the Senate? Or better yet a few Wingnuts. Yesterday Cavuto had a couple Tea Party organizers on. Was on my computer and didn’t pay all that much attention. But my ears did perk up when I heard the guy say he only wanted his Representative or Senator reaching across the isle to grab an opponents throat. Now that’s political discourse.
Robert Stacy McCain
September 15th, 2010 @ 11:42 pm

She is said to be dating her campaign manager

Said by whom? If such an assertion has been made, who made it?
Rachel Maddow
September 15th, 2010 @ 11:57 pm

I have a secret. I find Christine hawt! I hope Stacy is correct that she is not dating her campaign manager.
Senator Harry Reid
September 16th, 2010 @ 12:12 am

Five reasons you should not take your kids to the Senate Democrat Caucus Room.
scotch43
September 16th, 2010 @ 1:15 am

mccain, how do you justify using the term, “progressive WANKER community” being any different than Dr. Maddow critizing O’donnell’s anti masturbation stance..anti masturbation being the least of odonnell’s wacky ideas…she also believes condoms spreads aids, sex education is nothing more than pornography, and the best one is odonnell is 100% anti abortion even in the case of RAPE AND INCEST…how about posters…you want your women forced to carry their rapist’s babies…odonnell is a 41 yr old religious republican SINGLE woman…now that’s just unheard of…now that’s just weird…
btw mccain…it’s Dr.Maddow to you, via a Rhodes scholar can you claim the same….
Carl
September 16th, 2010 @ 1:59 am

Again, I would point out that O’Donnell’s views on sexual morality and creationism are identical to those held by the Catholic Church. So all of you who are calling her a kook and nutty are also calling the Catholic Church kooky and nutty. Are you sure you really want these views associated with the Democratic Party in Delaware?

A lot of voters there, who usually vote Democratic, are blue collar, traditional, conservative Catholics. I’ll take you back to the VP debates where Joe Biden said that personally he believes that life begins at conception and that he could not personally support any abortion – but he separates his personal views from state policy. Joe Biden also said that he supports only traditional marriage. Joe Biden understands the traditional values of the voters of Delaware. Delaware is not California.

So go ahead and attack O’Donnell on her views. If she counter attacks properly, she will end up winning by 10 points!
Rachel Maddow
September 16th, 2010 @ 2:09 am

Thanks for watching my back scotch43. I like my scotch 43 years old and I like my women around the same age, if you catch my drift.

Christine, if you ever need a shoulder to cry on after the election, give me a call.
Charles Johnson
September 16th, 2010 @ 2:25 am

It’s a teabag world. We’re all just steeping in it.

As you can guess, I am against Chrstine O’Donnell. From all that guitar playing, well I am a master…well you get the idea.
Estragon
September 16th, 2010 @ 3:23 am

I find it mildly amusing that Y4E just can’t even post a short message without factual errors. The reports were that O’Donnell had dated her campaign LAWYER from the 2008 campaign.

And I’m sure it will come to a surprise to the young wanton creatures among us, but people have been known to date without having sex. I know it’s hard to understand for someone who “hooks up” by text message and has more “friends with benefits” than a San Francisco bath house.
wombat-socho
September 16th, 2010 @ 9:26 am

scotch 43: You really ought to get out of your basement once in a while and actually hang out with some Republicans, because it’s pretty obvious from your comment that you don’t actually know any in real life.
Bob Belvedere
September 16th, 2010 @ 10:16 am

Somebody should start-up
ONANISTS FOR O’DONNELL.
Joe
September 16th, 2010 @ 10:43 am

This is one of those polls Stacy will say he hates. So ignore it.
Red
September 16th, 2010 @ 10:53 am

You had me at “Onanistic”.
molonlabe28
September 16th, 2010 @ 10:53 am

The reality is that these people absolutely hate Christians and Christianity.

They cannot square the notion of following God-given commandments with their situational ethics and moral relativism.
Joe
September 16th, 2010 @ 11:18 am

molonlabe28, to be fair, some of them cannot square the notion of you imposing God given commandments on them. They are paranoid about that.

Christine O’Donnell reminds me of certain girls I went to parochial school with. I do not fear her. I hope she is smart enough to focus on the fiscal issues and not the social ones (because social cons can sometimes become disturbingly similar to secular nannycon Bloombergs). Santorum lost in Pennsylvania over stuff like that.

But her stance on abortion is one of conviction. Now I do not go as far as her in opposing the practice, but is a pro life Senator such a threat to liberty? I do not think so. Shouldn’t the not yet born have a voice of advocacy too?
layaway
September 16th, 2010 @ 11:42 am

What could Christine O’Donnell possibly say — or vote on — that’s nuttier than “Obamacare will lower healthcare costs and you’ll get to keep your current insurance” or “We have to spend our way out of debt”?
Senator Harry Reid
September 16th, 2010 @ 11:45 am

She can’t out nut me layaway, that is for sure!
DaveP.
September 16th, 2010 @ 12:46 pm

For thirty years now, Liberals and Libertarians have been warning about the Great Christian Takeover that is due Any Time Now if anyone dares vote for someone who actually professes a belief in God or to have religous convictions.

So far, hasn’t happened.

Didn’t happen in the previous two-hundred-odd years, either.

So… displacement? Psychosis? or class-based horsecrap?
Bob Belvedere
September 16th, 2010 @ 1:30 pm

DaveP asked: So… displacement? Psychosis? or class-based horsecrap?

I vote (d) All of the above.
lin sim
September 16th, 2010 @ 1:39 pm

The Maddowites’ fascination with O’Donnell’s fifteen year old views on masturbation reveals that they are, at heart, prudishly unfulfilled spinsters.
Once Again, Christine O’Donnell Is Right: Coed Dormitories Are a Very Bad Idea : The Other McCain
September 16th, 2010 @ 2:53 pm

[…] Right: Coed Dormitories Are a Very Bad IdeaPosted on | September 16, 2010 | No CommentsYesterday, I took notice of Rachel Maddow’s snide attack on Christine O’Donnell for having had the temerity to say, in 1996, that masturbation violates biblical injunctions […]
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September 16th, 2010 @ 5:33 pm

[…] words, wrenched them out of context and interpreted them in the worst possible light. Note that O’Donnell’s defense of traditional Christian moral beliefs have been given this “gotcha” treatment by the same progressives who scream bloody […]
scotch43
September 17th, 2010 @ 12:37 am

molonlabe28
thanks for the laugh..but I’m a bit confused, I thought it was the muslims we were hating on…these guys came to mind when I read your post…Sen. I like my prostitutes to diaper me, and Sen Ensign I like getting really close to my employees, or Sen. Sanford, lets go hiking, yeah the republican moral superiority,lets get back to those good ole christian values, just remember to do as I say not as I do, and you’ll be morally superior too.
Rachel Maddow…no problem, but alas, I created that screen name many years ago…but I’ll make you a promise, when Odonnell loses, and normal sex acts aren’t prohibited, I’ll teach you how to tweek that little button of yours…if you catch my drift…
wombat-socho…I allow young kids of republican parents who have been throw out after being caught doing what odonnell is so against to live in my finished basement. Back when I was in my 20’s, I was the republican committeeperson in my community…then I grew up, and realized there were others in the world, that the world didn’t revolve around me,me,me….
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September 18th, 2010 @ 5:34 pm

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September 19th, 2010 @ 1:30 am

[…] from the latest smears, and Carol at No Sheeples Here adds to the fun:Oh, look: That wacky witchy anti-wanking wingnut all the “experts” said could never beat Mike Castle has raised nearly $2 […]
Angry Geometer
September 19th, 2010 @ 10:00 pm

Do you, Mister McCain, really believe that masturbation is as big a sin as adultery?
libarbarian
September 20th, 2010 @ 1:57 pm

Touch your wiener = go to hell.

Plus, even if men abstain from Masturbation they just end up having periodic wet dreams – often about people other than their wives – which are also condemned, so it really turns out:

NOT touching your wiener = go to hell too.

Still, at least she was addressing a serious and pressing social problem. Most adolescent misbehavior stems from masturbating and/or not masturbating. One or the other. Either way, you’re going to hell.
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September 20th, 2010 @ 2:41 pm

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Sarcastro
September 20th, 2010 @ 4:52 pm

Again, I would point out that O’Donnell’s views on sexual morality and creationism are identical to those held by the Catholic Church.

So you’re saying to keep her away from children?

So all of you who are calling her a kook and nutty are also calling the Catholic Church kooky and nutty.

You wear a dress and speak Latin: you get called kooky and nutty.

Are you sure you really want these views associated with the Democratic Party in Delaware?

Sorry, I’m not a moral coward who is willing to subvert the truth for political gain.

A lot of voters there, who usually vote Democratic, are blue collar, traditional, conservative Catholics.

That means they aren’t fundy retards. They’ll still vote Democratic because it’s still preferable to fundy retards.

I’ll take you back to the VP debates where Joe Biden said that personally he believes that life begins at conception and that he could not personally support any abortion – but he separates his personal views from state policy.

Which this twit does not.

Joe Biden also said that he supports only traditional marriage. Joe Biden understands the traditional values of the voters of Delaware. Delaware is not California.

Joe Biden understands that personal values are not to be inflicted on others. So do most of the voters in CA and DE. Which is why they don’t vote for fundy retards.

So go ahead and attack O’Donnell on her views.

Done!

If she counter attacks properly, she will end up winning by 10 points!

If ifs and buts were candied nuts, you’d be a fatass.
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September 23rd, 2010 @ 11:45 am

[…] Christine O’Donnell has made in public.”Once again — as I first pointed out when Rachel Maddow was mocking O’Donnell’s statements about masturbation — liberals seem to believe that such statements are self-evidently absurd. All they have to […]

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Dear Rachel Maddow: How Often Should We Shake Hands With Mister Happy?

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