Posted on | December 15, 2011 | 24 Comments
Unattractive guys lacking social skills are — unexpectedly! — poor judges of women’s interest in them:
There are “tons” of studies that show men think women are interested when they’re not, says lead author Carin Perilloux, a visiting professor at Williams College. But her study, which will be published in an upcoming issue of Psychological Science, found that not all men do. And surprisingly, it appears that the dorky, less attractive guys are more likely to think they’re babe magnets than their more attractive counterparts. . . .
The more attractive the woman was to the guy, the more likely he was to overestimate her interest in him, researchers found. And it turns out, the less attractive men (who believed they were better looking than the women rated them) were more likely to think beautiful women were hot for them. But the more attractive guys tended to have a more realistic assessment.
Read the whole thing (hat-tip to Hot Air Headlines) but you don’t need psychological case studies to explain this phenomenon. The more success a guy has with women, the more experience he has in judging which chicks he has the best chance with.
If a guy is regularly scoring with chicks in the 6-to-7 range on the 10-scale, but has little luck with any chick who rates an 8 or better, he learns to spot chicks in his feasible range.
Less-attractive guys are sometime unfortunately unwilling to settle for the less-attractive chicks in their range. Popular entertainment (e.g., sitcoms in which chubby middle-aged losers have beautiful wives 10 years younger than them) suggests to these guys that they’ve got romantic opportunities they don’t actually have. And because the “dorky” guys also are usually lacking in social skills, they don’t have enough real-world romantic experience to judge either their own attractiveness or women’s interest in them.
As a result, the nerd’s only barometer of such matters is:
- Is she hot? and
- Will she talk to me?
Attractive women learn at an early age to spot guys like that and never give them any encouragement, lest they find themselves followed around by a lovestruck nerd who mistook her polite smile for a gesture of erotic passion. Guys who think pretty girls are “stuck up” fail to understand this as a necessary defense mechanism on the woman’s part.
Having seldom been mistaken for Brad Pitt myself, I spent my youth learning to make the best of what few advantages I possessed in the Darwinian competition for, uh, mating opportunities.
Learned to dance. Learned to play guitar. Dressed sharp. Told a few jokes. Also, and most importantly, I was always grateful for whatever female companionship I could get, without much caring that none of them looked like Vogue fashion models. While this any-port-in-a-storm attitude — romantic pragmatism, we might call it — may not strike you as ideal, it beats the hell out of being alone.
The ironic thing, of course, is that I eventually ended up married to a lovely woman who, as anyone who knows us will agree, is way too good for me. (Luck? No — it was skill, my friends.)
Here’s the thing: Actual real-life experience with women has the effect of teaching that beauty — however much we may admire it — is still only skin-deep. To quote Smokey Robinson: “Pretty girls are a dime a dozen. Try to find you one who’s gonna give you good lovin’.”
Back in the day, I’d go to a party and see guys hovering around the prettiest girl in the room, while less attractive girls sat unnoticed. Hey, “hunt where the ducks are,” as they say: Let those idiots chase the Queen Bee, I’ll be over here applying my charm where the odds of success are greater.
Unattractive guys do themselves a disservice when they eschew the companionship of unattractive women, while pining hopelessly for the “10” they’ll never get. Experience matters, and you’re never going to get any experience — except perhaps the experience of repeated rejection — by constantly chasing girls who are out of your league. Practice makes perfect, and if you get good enough at the game, you might one day get called up to the major leagues.
Guys talk about “geting lucky,” but it isn’t entirely luck. Ask my wife.