Memo From the National Affairs Desk:
‘If I Could Walk That Way …’
Posted on | February 29, 2012 | 44 Comments
Chris Moody and Steven Crowder with Crowder’s haawwtt fianceé, Hillary,
at the Santorum event in Grand Rapids, Tuesday, Feb. 28, 2012
“Another Wednesday morning, another hotel room, another grim bout with the TV Morning News . . . These goddamn Wednesday mornings are ruining my health.”
– Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail ’72
OBERLIN, Ohio
When I woke up in an interstate highway rest area somewhere west of Lansing, Michigan, this morning, it was half-past seven, and a four-hour nap in my car had scarcely touched the surface of the overwhelming fatigue that had forced me to pull over about 3 a.m. and conk out.
After getting a cup of “Premium Roast Coffee” from the vending machine — yeah, right — I cranked up the car and began driving back toward the hotel in Troy. The GPS told me I’d be there before 9:30, so I envisioned a quick shower, then napping an hour or two in an actual bed before I had to pack up and leave by noon. By 3 p.m., I’d be at my sister-in-law’s house in Ohio, ready to sling together another column from a state that is sure to be a key battleground in next week’s Super Tuesday contests.
Once I was on the road, I called my wife, and the call completely scrambled my plans. My wife informed me of a family emergency (never mind the details) which obviously required my presence at home. News of this sudden personal misfortune, following so closely on the heels of political misfortune, only aggravated the sense of gloom that had seized me as I watched the vote totals being updated at Rick Santorum’s Tuesday night party at the Grand Plaza Hotel in Grand Rapids. You may get a sense of my mood from my American Spectator column today:
Rick Santorum lost Tuesday’s primary here in Michigan. All the spin in the world can’t change that fact, and if Mitt Romney goes on to win the Republican presidential nomination, political historians will point to Feb. 28 as his watershed moment. Exactly how Santorum or any other GOP rival can beat Romney now is an increasingly difficult scenario to describe.
The best way to understand the significance of Mitt’s win in Michigan is to imagine the opposite result: Had Santorum won here in Romney’s home state, it would have been a shattering blow to the aura of “inevitability” and “electability” that has always been Romney’s strongest argument as the “It’s His Turn” candidate whom the Republican Party traditionally nominates. A win on Romney’s home turf would have sent Santorum surfing a tidal wave of momentum going into next week’s Super Tuesday contests in 10 states. Had Santorum won Michigan, it would have set off panic in the ranks of the GOP establishment, stirring new talk of a brokered convention to anoint a “respectable” candidate like Jeb Bush or Mitch Daniels — someone, anyone! — as the nominee.
Instead, after an all-out battle that lasted three weeks since Santorum’s Feb. 7 triple wins in Colorado, Minnesota, and Missouri, Romney scored a narrow victory in Michigan that will enable the former Massachusetts governor’s campaign to boast of a “comeback” that ratifies his claim to legitimacy as the rightful heir to the nomination. . . .
Read the whole thing. It didn’t help my mood, of course, that WiFi problems kept me offline until 11 p.m. Tuesday night, so that I had to write my column in a blazing hurry just to file it at 1 a.m. Furthermore, the attempt of some Santorum supporters to sugar-coat the Michigan disaster — to pretend that it was something other than a disaster — only made my mood worse.
I hate losing and second place is not a victory. It is defeat, a failure, and while I understand the need of a presidential campaign to put the best possible public spin on a lost primary, I don’t like being spun. If you lost the vote by 3 points, don’t talk to me about delegate counts.
I don’t want to hear that crap. You lost.
Competence is a valuable commodity in politics, and nothing angers me quite like the attempted defense of incompetence.
The Santorum campaign suffered from self-inflicted wounds — unforced errors — in the days and weeks leading up to the Michigan primary, and we ought not pretend otherwise. We cannot undo the mistakes made, but we cannot learn from our mistakes until we admit our mistakes.
A worthy cause has suffered a terrible setback owing more to the errors of its friends than to the skill of its enemies. This makes me angry, and all the more so because I was unable to prevent it.
After I got off the phone with my wife, I called fellow Santorum supporter Quin Hillyer and we talked, among other things. about the robocall-to-Democrats debacle, which we can expect the Romney campaign to use as a whip to flog Santorum.
Quin and I agreed that the robocall wasn’t so much a “dirty trick” as it was a dumb trick. Had it worked — if a surge of Democratic crossover voters had pushed Santorum to victory — it would have been largely forgotten in the aftermath. Victory is the balm that soothes all wounds. But it backfired badly and probably cost Santorum more votes than it gained him. Frankly, it reeked of desperation.
At any rate, I don’t have much time to worry about that stuff now. Nobody’s paying me for political advice, and there’s no sense volunteering free advice, because the people who get paid to run campaigns never pay attention to advice from amateurs. I mean, what the hell do I know about media and communications strategy, right?
And now there is that family emergency at home, which necessitates my return to Maryland and a forced departure from the campaign trail, which I hope will be brief and temporary. I stopped into this rest area on I-80 and slept a half-hour in the car, because I never got that nap in an actual bed that I’d planned this morning. There is an explanation.
Monday, I’d been a guest on Mike Rosen’s radio show on KOA 850-AM in Denver, and Rosen had become argumentative when I explained that I’m a Santorum supporter. Rosen’s a Romney kind of guy, and we went back-and-forth for most of an hour. He’d offered to have me back on and so, shortly after I returned to my hotel in Troy, Rosen’s producer called to ask me if I’d be willing to come on to discuss the results of the Michigan primary. Sure.
So the segment starts and, when I mention the Santorum robocall, Rosen plays the audio clip of the call and begins to excoriate Santorum’s criticism of the 2008 TARP Wall Street bailout as “populist.” This prompted me to reply that not everyone who opposed TARP did so on “populist” grounds, but there were sound economic arguments in favor of letting the banks take their losses from the collapse of the housing bubble. I pointed out that Michelle Malkin was among the most vocal opponents of the TARP bailout.
Rosen replied (and I merely thumbnail his argument) that those who opposed TARP did not have an adequate “grasp of economics,” which prompted me to interrupt, “Wait a minute, Mike. Are you telling me that Michelle Malkin doesn’t have a grasp of economics?”
Malkin lives in Colorado, and I’m sure she would be astonished to hear herself criticized as inadequately informed about economics.
Anyway, so I didn’t get my nap, and headed out on the road, but grew weary after a few hours and pulled over in this rest area on I-80, conked out for a half-hour, then came inside to use the restroom. They’ve got a Panera Bread outlet here that offers free WiFi, so I went back to the car and got my laptop, deciding to write a post to update readers on my travels. And when I looked at the large wall map — “You Are Here” — to find out what location I’d use as my dateline, I saw that the nearest town is Oberlin, Ohio.
Oberlin College is Michelle Malkin’s alma mater. Just a coincidence.
Anyway, these long days on the road are taking their toll, and I’ll be happy to get home and sleep in an actual bed. When you drive hour after hour and sleep in your car, you develop certain discomforts that can best be described by reference to an old vaudeville gag.
Guy walks into a drugstore and asks the lady at the counter where he can find the talcum powder. The lady at the counter is young and shapely, and offers to show him where to find the product.
“Walk this way,” she says.
Boom-ba-da-boom, ba-da-boom.
Guy says, “If I could walk that way, I wouldn’t need the talcum powder!”
Perhaps not the most discreet way to explain how miserable I feel right now, but those old vaudeville jokes are always good for a laugh, and if we couldn’t laugh at our misery, we’d never be able to stand the strain.
By the way, if you’re wondering about how they voted Tuesday in Hell, Michigan, the results from Putnam Township Precinct 1 are now online:
Rick Santorum ……… 96 (37%)
Mitt Romney ………… 80 (30%)
Ron Paul ………………. 42 (16%)
Newt Gingrich ……….. 29 (11%)
So even if Santorum lost Michigan, at least he won in Hell.
Let’s hope that the Santorum campaign has better days ahead, and now I’ll get back in the car and keep driving until I can get home to my family, and sleep in an actual bed.
Update (Smitty): linked ad POH Diaries.
PREVIOUSLY:
- Feb. 28: REPUBLICAN PRIMARY RESULTS HQ: Michigan and Arizona Vote Tonight
- Feb. 28: EXCLUSIVE: Election Day in Hell, Michigan: Does Romney Have a Snowball’s Chance of Winning?
- Feb. 28: Santorum Turns the Tables on Mitt in Michigan With Robo-Calls to Democrats
- Feb. 28: MICHIGAN REPUBLICAN PRIMARY TODAY
- Feb. 27: Rick Santorum in Lansing, Michigan, Calls Romney’s Attack Ad Campaign a ‘Joke’
- Feb. 27: Santorum: The Fight and the Fighter
- Feb. 26: My Saturday Night in Hell
- Feb. 25: Nuns for Santorum
- Feb. 24: Michigan: Fish Fry Friday
- Feb. 24: Fear and Loathing in Romneyland
- Feb. 23: New TV Ad Quotes Mitt Romney
- Feb. 23: Erick Erickson, Santorum Consultant?
- Feb. 23: Have the Deciders Decided? Examining the Post-Debate Examinations
- Feb. 22: CNN ARIZONA DEBATE
- Feb. 22: Satan Angered by New Poll Showing Santorum Ahead 34%-18% in Wisconsin
- Feb. 22: Romney’s Money Problems — and Mine
- Feb. 21: Memo From the National Affairs Desk: Meanwhile, Back on the Campaign Trail …
- Feb. 21: Campaign Cash Shows Unsustainable ‘Burn Rate’ for Romney and Gingrich

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