The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Big Fake Boobs

Posted on | March 27, 2012 | 49 Comments

“I have no talent. I have nothing to offer.”
Kendra Wilkinson

“Look, clearly we’re gonna have to go on a fairly tight budget to get from here to Tampa.”
Newt Gingrich

It would be terribly mean-spirited to use the phrase “big fake boobs” as a cheap excuse to make fun of Newt Gingrich again. According to the latest Wisconsin poll, however, Gingrich is on his way to yet another fourth-place finish, while refusing to admit that his campaign has lost whatever actual political rationale it had before he lost Tennessee, Oklahoma, Mississippi, Alabama and Louisiana.

So as long as Newt wants to keep pretending that he’s still a viable candidate, the ridiculousness of his make-believe campaign — as fake as a Bunny’s boobies — is legitimate news, just like the latest idiotic quotes from Hef’s ex-girlfriend Kendra are legitimate news. The Gingrich pseudo-campaign crossed a bold new frontier of hopeless desperation in Delaware yesterday:

Monday’s event, held in a state that doesn’t vote for another three weeks, also seemed to signal a new phase in the campaign. Event attendees were allowed to take pictures with the candidate for $50 per photo. Before tonight, supporters took photos with Gingrich for free.
Charging for photos, in addition to news that the campaign canceled a trip to North Carolina, contributes to the narrative that Gingrich is struggling to stay afloat financially.

Well, no duh. Team Newt burned through $5.9 million in January and $2.9 million in February, the campaign’s expenditures averaging more than $146,000 per day for the first two months of the year.

Despite its high-rolling ways, the Gingrich campaign recorded exactly one victory (South Carolina, Jan. 21) during that 60-day period, along with two second-place finishes in Florida (Jan. 31) and Nevada (Feb. 4), third place in Colorado (Feb. 7) and Arizona (Feb. 28), fourth-place finishes in Iowa (Jan. 3), Minnesota (Feb. 7), Maine (Feb. 11) and Michigan (Feb. 28), and fifth place in New Hampshire (Jan. 10).

Not exactly the kind of strong performance you might expect from a serious contender burning $146,000 a day, you see. When we learned on March 20 that Newt’s campaign was essentially bankrupt — with $1.5 million in debt, slightly more than its cash on hand as of the end of February — it was only a matter of time before the whole phony sham collapsed under the weight of its own expensive fraudulence.

“It is hard to identify a spot on the remaining primary map where Gingrich would be a stronger challenger than Santorum.”
Walter Shapiro, The New Republic

“Gingrich’s status as a Republican primary candidate has slipped from longshot to sideshow.”
Molly Ball, The Atlantic

“There is no path for Gingrich. . . . His strategy has come and gone and that’s the bottom line.”
– G. Terry Madonna, Franklin and Marshall College Poll

Yeah, I’m collecting quotes like that these days, because everybody can now see what I’ve been describing ever since Newt melted down at his Feb. 4 Las Vegas press conference: The Neutral Objective Fact that Gingrich’s campaign was falling apart right in front of our eyes, even while he was on TV every night telling everybody he was going “all the way to Tampa.” The Bernie Madoff approach to “viability,” as it were.

On March 19 — the day before his February FEC report exposed his bankruptcy — Gingrich published a Red State column attacking Rick Santorum and insisting that he, Newt Gingrich, was the “only . . . candidate in this race who can offer the change our country desperately needs.”

Now Newt’s hustling folks for $50 a photo.

If he can find about 2,900 people a day to pay that much, he can afford the kind of campaign he was running in January and February, when he won exactly one primary out 10 contests.

And good luck with that, huh?

UPDATE: Wow. Talk about timing. Latest news from Politico:

Newt Gingrich is cutting back his campaign schedule, will lay off about a third of his cash-strapped campaign’s full-time staff, and has replaced his manager as part of what aides are calling a “big-choice convention” strategy . . .

Which is to say, it’s over.

And as Allah says, any suggestion that Newt will get the nomination at a brokered convention is “pure fantasy.” If Republicans go looking for a candidate who can make the case for fiscal discipline, I’m sure they’ll pick the guy who spent his campaign into bankruptcy.


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Comments

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/EU5DQWQTTHTPO4A4ZYSL3AAV2U Adjoran

     Dude, if you don’t cool it, you’re gonna hurt Newt’s feelings.

    But I have to wonder if, while scouring the Marquette poll for the bad news for Newt, did you notice Santorum’s numbers?  8% down is better than the double digit lead Rasmussen gave Romney, but then Scott surveyed 1000 likely voters.

    So if Santorum goes 0-for-3 next Tuesday (they haven’t even bothered to poll Maryland so I know you suspect either a surprise or a conspiracy, but in yet another illustration of his inability to run an organization effectively,  Santorum failed to qualify for the DC ballot), are you willing to admit THEN that it’s over?  Or do you still soldier on through the mounting evidence, retaining hope that somehow a miracle will happen, the convention will deadlock, and turn at last to the one candidate who can out-whine Obama?

  • AnonymousDrivel

    Heartbreaking news for the political world.  Boob inflation is the scourge of the 21st century.

  • AnonymousDrivel

     “Now Newt’s hustling folks for $50 a photo.”

    It is a pragmatic if not desperate move. I really don’t have any problem with such an endeavor, however. Necessity is the mother of invention. Ultimately now, though, he won’t be hoarding enough delegates to matter even to Santorum.

  • robertstacymccain

    The news from Wisconsin is that Romney’s super-PAC is repeating its tactic from Iowa, Florida, Michigan, Ohio and Illinois — carpet-bombing the state with TV attack ads on its chief rival.

    Maybe if Rick had some of the money people threw away on Newt, but …

    Well, “spilled milk” and all that, eh?

  • PAcon12

    I’d like a chance to vote for Santorum over Romney  in the primary, so I’d like to see him stay in no matter what. But if Romney pads his lead by 100 more delegates on Tuesday, the writing will be on the wall, and the only thing left to do is shake that Etch-a-Sketch and hope it turns out ok for us.

  • http://thecampofthesaints.org Bob Belvedere

    At least Miss Wilkinson is being honest and forthright!

  • M. Thompson

    Fake tits are one thing.  Newt seems to be deluded he could be the compromise candidate from a brokered convention.

  • http://thecampofthesaints.org Bob Belvedere

    But he’ll keep taking away votes.

  • http://iSnark.ak4mc.us/ McGehee

    Gingrich is on his way to yet another fourth-place finish

    Well, he can’t say the American people haven’t gotten to know him.

  • http://twitter.com/richard_mcenroe richard mcenroe

    Newt’s merely becoming more selective in his audience… http://tinyurl.com/7gkmeqy

  • http://twitter.com/ensigntaiga Django McTunes

    I generally enjoy this blog. But the presidential campaign coverage has been a low point. The combination of shilling for your guy (a little annoying, but tolerable) while also *slamming* that guy’s opponents (extremely grating) has been awful to read. Also, indeed, your inability to honestly assess Santorum as this point is also tough sledding, my friend.

    I think, a few months ago, you could make excellent cases for either Newt or Santorum. Unfortunately, “real conservatives” somehow coalesced around a guy that had a so-so record at best (Santorum), dooming any chance Newt had. Rick’s been just as much of a gaffe machine as he accused Newt of being. He doesn’t have Newt’s accomplishments (of which there are many) and he duplicates Newt’s “ultimate sin” in this blog, his endorsement of a super liberal republican over a vastly superior competitor (Specter over Toomey).

    Yet and still, I understand some of your strategy in wanting to get close to a favorite campaign. That’s fine. But I do so much look forward to reading your blog again when you aren’t shilling for presidential candidates. 

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/EU5DQWQTTHTPO4A4ZYSL3AAV2U Adjoran

     Hmmm, so those folks who donated to Newt spent their money badly, and you know how they could have spent it better?

    Who sounds like Obama now?

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/EU5DQWQTTHTPO4A4ZYSL3AAV2U Adjoran

     I agree with Adam Carolla:  “If I can touch them, they are real.”

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/EU5DQWQTTHTPO4A4ZYSL3AAV2U Adjoran

     And falling over frontwards to do it!

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/EU5DQWQTTHTPO4A4ZYSL3AAV2U Adjoran

     Well, you and I know it’s because there’s only four people left.  Callista requested we not mention that to Newt until he gets back from Tiffany’s next week, though.

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/EU5DQWQTTHTPO4A4ZYSL3AAV2U Adjoran

     At least he was honest about it.  Erick Erickson still claims he never endorsed anyone in this cycle, which is true only if you take the Paulistas’ version of what constitutes a declaration of war to it.  Did he understand the Perry tattoo doesn’t come off?

    The conservatives haven’t “coalesced” around Santorum any more than they did for Bachmann, Perry, Cain, or Gingrich.  People were LOOKING for a candidate, Santorum was lucky to be the last man in the room.  The last Not Romney.

    And the wacko fringe folks aside, most of the Not Romney vote isn’t an “anti-Romney” vote so much as an “Aw, crap, you telling me Romney is the best we got?” vote. 

    Santorum’s a good guy, steadfast on social and foreign policy issues, moderate conservative on fiscal issues, no executive experience.   His support isn’t so much personal as a protest.  He won’t be a contender in 2016 or 2020 or ever unless he becomes a Governor in between and does well.  Had there been another candidate left to turn to, he probably wouldn’t have been this time.

  • tranquil.night

    You sure are confident in the authority of your political analyses Adjoran. What’re you doin’ constantly trolling this blog? FoxNews beckons!

  • Dave

    Romney only ‘carpet-bombed’ Flordia. In every other state, Romney heavily outspent his opponents because they pretty much didn’t spend anything. Romney’s absolute spending was not extravagant, and any serious competitor would have been able to match it.

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/EU5DQWQTTHTPO4A4ZYSL3AAV2U Adjoran

     Sure, you say that now – but if you were drowning and needed a flotation device . . .

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/EU5DQWQTTHTPO4A4ZYSL3AAV2U Adjoran

    You need to ask yourself why people have voted for Newt instead of Santorum in all these contests, including where Newt didn’t even campaign.  Do you suppose they were unaware he had no chance?  Why would Newt supporters, if their main concern were stopping Romney, not have voted for Santorum in Ohio, Michigan, Illinois, etc.?

    The Gingrich voters aren’t automatic for Santorum – in the states where the “second choice” question was asked, the Newt voters split evenly in Michigan and Ohio, 80-20 for Santorum in Alabama and Mississippi. 

    Are people who are sticking with a candidate on his third marriage who was adulterous in his first two and was reprimanded for official conduct going to automatically vote for a guy who’s against condoms and gambling?

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/EU5DQWQTTHTPO4A4ZYSL3AAV2U Adjoran

     Community service.  Beats picking up trash.

  • AnonymousDrivel

    I didn’t realize Alan Grayson floated.

    Worse, if he’s the boob I’m counting on saving me, leave me to my watery grave and just get it over with.

  • K-Bob

     I thought the point of this post was “what money?”

  • K-Bob

    I never thought Newt was in this thing to become the President.  He knew he had some money, and he knew he could inject some ideas into the campaign.  He probably thought after South Carolina he had an honest shot, but I really doubt that he was counting on it.  Just as I doubt he’s really counting on a brokered convention like so many keep claiming.

    So expect him to stay in.  He’ll get to address the convention during prime time for his efforts, I’m betting.

    Besides, it’s fun watching Newt beat up Obama and occasionally, Romney.

  • tranquil.night

    Ah, well bravo on the conduct with which you represent yourself and your preferred candidate. You’re a sterling example of the attitude which, in my worthless opinion, is playing no small part in repelling a lot of the electorate from Romney and more specifically the Republican elite.

    Should you require testimony to your parole officer on behalf of your good behavior while performing your service, I’d be glad to help!

  • K-Bob

     I need some community service to help me find out what color her eyes are.  I’m starting to think this is one of those trick pictures.  I tried like, ten times to figure out what color, and I still don’t know.

    Or if she has eyes.

  • K-Bob

     ”I generally enjoy this blog.”

    Ur doin it rong!

  • robertstacymccain

    DJMcT: I went off on the campaign trail in August, to cover the run-up to the Ames Straw Poll, when Herman Cain and Rick Santorum were down near the bottom of the polls. By mid-October, Cain was at the top. By early December, Cain was gone and Gingrich was on top. Santorum won the Iowa caucus Jan. 3, and Gingrich won the South Carolina primary on Jan. 21. By the time Florida was over, Romney was back on top, and Newt was gibbering about “money power” and Goldman Sachs.

    When I caught up with Santorum again at CPAC, he had won the Feb. 7 “trifecta,” while Newt had lost Nevada. I watched the Feb. 22 Arizona debate from my sister-in-law’s house in Ohio, en route to Michigan, where I got kicked out of Romney’s state headquarters, saw Herman Cain in Troy, went to Hell, saw Mitt with Kid Rock, and was with Santorum in Grand Rapids when the vote came in. I saw Santorum again in Steubenville for the election results on Super Tuesday, then went down to Louisiana last week.

    Maybe you didn’t follow all that campaign coverage, but it was a hell of a lot more than “shilling” and “slamming.” It was an epic tragedy, is what it was, and the collapse of Gingrich merely fulfills his destiny, a fate I foretold many months ago. Now we’re down to a slender chance to stop Mitt Romney and this burden — the last hope of the conservative movement – rests entirely on the shoulders of Rick Santorum, who is being buried by Mitt’s attack ads in Wisconsin.

    Perhaps this isn’t interesting to you, but I find it pretty doggone fascinating, and we’ve had something upwards of 300,000 page-views this month, so I guess there are others who like it, too.

  • http://evilbloggerlady.blogspot.com/ Evi L. Bloggerlady

    Is Newt auditioning as a Democrat?

  • http://evilbloggerlady.blogspot.com/ Evi L. Bloggerlady

    She is a pretty girl…but my prediction is it does not end well.  

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/EU5DQWQTTHTPO4A4ZYSL3AAV2U Adjoran

     I was thinking more of Kendra . . . you could wear her like water wings . . . but if you must go down with the ship – leaving any cool stuff behind?

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/EU5DQWQTTHTPO4A4ZYSL3AAV2U Adjoran

     Oh, I see a happy ending, all right . . .

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/EU5DQWQTTHTPO4A4ZYSL3AAV2U Adjoran

     They are up there somewhere. 

    I am told.

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/EU5DQWQTTHTPO4A4ZYSL3AAV2U Adjoran

     Newt backed off slowly, subtly, almost as if he were pursuing a marketing strategy – which he was.  All along, only being distracted by the attention when his turns at “frontrunner” came and went.

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/EU5DQWQTTHTPO4A4ZYSL3AAV2U Adjoran

    Meanwhile, there is trouble on the home front:

    With the state primary four weeks away, Santorum now finds himself nearly tied with former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney among the state’s
    Republicans, and support is eroding rapidly, according to a Franklin & Marshall College poll out today.

    * * * * *
    The poll of 505 registered Republican voters, conducted March 20-25 in conjunction with the Tribune-Review and other media outlets, shows Santorum clinging to a small lead over Romney, 30 percent to 28 percent, within the poll’s 4.2 percent margin of error.

    That’s a big change from February, when Santorum, once a U.S. senator from Penn Hills, held a commanding 15-percentage-point lead over Romney in the poll.

    This is awful – Romney hasn’t even run any attack ads there yet, whatever will Rick whine about?

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/EU5DQWQTTHTPO4A4ZYSL3AAV2U Adjoran

     Thanks, that helps a lot.  But in the interest of full disclosure,  I was an insufferable bastard long before I fell in with the Romney camp.

    If I have at some point(s) responded to you unartfully, please accept my apology.  It was probably just a knee-jerk reaction on my part to something you posted which was very stupid.  To avoid such misunderstandings in the future, be a love and try not to sound a complete idiot.

  • Pingback: When Did Newt’s Campaign Become Unsustainable? And What Was the Result? : The Other McCain

  • Charles Martel

    Some support Mitt, some back Rick, some are Newt fans.  Me?  I like Kendra!

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  • http://twitter.com/richard_mcenroe richard mcenroe

     In a classic display of a Mitten’s grasp on real world detail, Adjoran does not realize that breast implants don’t float…

  • Larimerica

    Thanks for pointing out the logical contradiction. The people who have stopped giving to Newt have not started giving to Santorum.

  • Larimerica

    Shilling and slamming it indeed has been. You can be a credible reporter or a committed campaigner, but you can’t be both.

  • http://evilbloggerlady.blogspot.com/ Evi L. Bloggerlady

    What will Newt do for $100?  Not that I am interested, but I thought I would ask.  

  • http://thecampofthesaints.org Bob Belvedere

     The proliferation of hydraulic boobage is a sign of The End Times.

  • tranquil.night

    Actually, this is the first time I’d chosen to waste the time to actually address you, because I’ve noticed you consider anyone who doesn’t agree with your opinions to be an idiot. Pot meet kettle?

    I really just wanted to inform you that I pity the fact that you’re clearly so troubled in your own life that you feel compelled to spend all these hours being obnoxious online to strangers trying to have productive discourse about things that matter to them.  Shame wouldn’t work on you, because your shameless, and appealing to your conscience and humanity is futile because you consciously reject both.  So I shall pray for  you and whatever it is driving you to behave so childishly for attention.

  • http://thepagantemple.blogspot.com/ ThePaganTemple

     -the last hope of the conservative movement-

    Oh bullshit Stacy, are you serious? Do really honestly believe the ultimate fate of the conservative movement rests on whether or not Mitt Romney can be stopped, by RICK SANTORUM of all people?

    If you really believe that its no wonder you act so damn desperate.

    No, the fate of the conservative movement rests on the shoulders of conservative voters and its not going to meet its doom over the result of any one election cycle.

    I remember after 2008, a lot of people wrote the obituary of the Republican Party and the conservative movement, saying in order to survive the GOP would have to move to the center. Then a little thing called the Tea Party happened followed by 2010.

    You need to have yourself checked for clinical depression.

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  • daialanye

    Romney, as we experienced here in Ohio, has little choice but to swamp his opponents with distorted robocalls and ads. He’s a weak campaigner in person, and conservatives rightly distrust him.

    As for Santorum, opposition to him is largely personal by those made uneasy by his squeaky-clean persona. You know who I mean – perverts of various types, anti-Catholics and anti-Italians, those carrying huge loads of guilt over personal failings, anti-gunners and pro-aborts, porn-dogs and horn-dogs and hypocrites in general.

    Too bad, but low moral standing isn’t a disqualification for voting in the US.

    So it’s backs against the wall for Rick, and looking forward to saying”I tolja so!” if Miss Mittsie gets the nod and runs as a RINO.

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