The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

‘And the Grammy Award for Most Implausibly Enhanced Cleavage …’

Posted on | February 11, 2013 | 35 Comments

Katy Perry displayed her ginormous silicone implants.

“Write what you know” is always good advice, and two things I definitely know are awards shows and cleavage.

Back in the day, it was regularly my duty as an assistant national editor working the late-night desk at The Washington Times to compile (in a format known as “combined dispatches”) our coverage of the Tony, Emmy, Grammy and Oscar awards. We went through three editions and the story would have to be updated for each edition until the “three-star” final. It was an enormous headache, with the copy desk awaiting the story as each deadline approached, and me trying to keep up with this celebrity trivia while monitoring the wire services for other late-breaking news developments, also usually covering for the foreign desk on the third edition. God forbid there should be an earthquake or a coup in some foreign country during an awards-show Sunday.

Having escaped that senseless drudgery when I resigned from The Washington Times five years ago — it was as if God said, “Go” — I can’t remember watching an awards show since then. What kind of shallow and adolescent personality would pay attention to these phony made-for-TV spectacles, unless they were being paid to do so as a condition of their employment? So I woke up this morning to the news that the Pope had resigned and, after aggregating that, I then saw the Viral Read liveblog of the Grammy Awards which alerted me to the big news that Katy Perry’s breasts stole the show. And then I went to WeSmirch where, sure enough, I saw the headline:

Katy Perry Is The Only Two Things
That Mattered At The Grammys

She’s actually a very talented singer, and thus the question arises, “Why does Katy Perry feel the need to get breast implants and display the obviously artificial results in this ostentatious manner?”

Don’t even try to tell me those are real, Katy. Trust me, girl, I was an expert on breasts before you were even born, and those are fakies.

Exit Question: Why is it considered offensively “sexist” for guys to pay attention to cleavage, yet it’s entirely acceptable — cute! clever! funny! — when lesbian Ellen DeGeneres does it?



  • smitty

    Offensively “sexist” has nothing to do with an intellectual discussion of sexism, and everything to do with controlling the conversation.

    My regret is that I didn’t realize what crapflooders the Lefties are many years ago. Don’t give them the benefit of the doubt. Lefties are evil until proven useful idiots.

  • Adrienne

    Do you realize that there is at least one (if not two) generations of men who think breasts look like soccer balls planted somewhere in the area of the armpits while bumping into the clavicle?

  • Bob Belvedere

    I agree with you Dr. McCain: those breasts have been hydraulically-enhanced. Too bad she did not do the same to her talent.

    Dr. Clyde ‘Fingers’ Proctor OB-SCT [Scatologist],
    Chief of Vaginology,
    The Lord Fatheringay Von Whoopsie Memorial Hospital and Tiki Bar [on my lunch hours and weekends, I practice as Dr. Robert Oswald Belvedere, OB-GYN]

  • Bob Belvedere


  • Becca Lower

    The other celebrity to break last night’s stringent Grammys dress code was Jennifer Lopez, who showed a little leg. If she’d been smart, she’d have done what Katy did. But we all know J.Lo’s no genius.

  • 20thCenturyVole

    Yeah, they’re bolt-ons, but at least they’re good bolt-ons.

  • jsn2

    “Why is it considered offensively “sexist” for guys to pay attention to cleavage, yet it’s entirely acceptable — cute! clever! funny! — when lesbian Ellen DeGeneres does it?”

    Good public relations and politically correct lesbian oogling trumps natural heterosexual oogling. It’s bad form to criticize a dike for masculine behavior. Kinda like the difference between squirrels and rats. A squirrel can do anything a rat can do and get away with it because they’re cute and have had good p.r. for decades thanks to Disney, etc. But a rat…must die!

  • Adrienne

    Ouch! (although I agree)

  • Adrienne

    True that, Bob…

  • M. Thompson

    Most fakes (exceptions are for those who’ve lost them from injury and illness) are pathetic.

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  • Dana

    Note that Miss Perry bound up her magnificent mammaries for the video Part of Me It’s a good video, one that his wombatness should edit this comment to embed! 🙂

  • Dana

    Some of us think that the boobs ought to match the rest of the girl, and that 34-Cs on an otherwise size three girl look ridiculous.

  • JeffS

    Recall also the overt ogling of Christina Aguilera’s boobies by Hillary Clinton.

    Except that Hillary isn’t cute, and never has been.

  • JeffS

    A point of order, sir: Katy’s boobies have hydraulically enlarged. Stacy’s assertion notwithstanding, “enhanced” is a separate matter.

  • robertstacymccain

    Unfortunately, most young men have seen more breasts via porn than in real life. Whereas I …
    Well, remember that I was born and raised a Democrat.

  • Becca Lower

    ViralRead: “We watch the Grammys so you don’t have to.”

  • jakee308

    Anymore than a handful’s a waste. (except for motorboating.)

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  • MawrPidyn

    I can “palm” a regulation basketball, and have had several, uhh, worthy, female friends, but never had the opportunity to road-test the after-market variety. You think they motorboat OK?

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  • Dr Feelgood

    I’d have to do a tactile examination to be sure whether these are real or not.

  • Wombat_socho

    We covered this in Rule 5 Sunday not long after it came out.

  • Dandapani

    Uh, yawn, yet another set of fake boobs.

  • Charles G Hill

    Legs, of course, are harder to fake.

    Though not impossible.

  • Adrienne

    Out of respect for you, I’m not going there…

  • Bob Belvedere

    You don’t want to, believe me, it’s a very dark and creepy place [shudder].

  • Bob Belvedere

    You don’t want to, believe me, it’s a very dark and creepy place [shudder].

  • Bob Belvedere

    It’s a term of art, sir!

  • Bob Belvedere

    No such thing.

  • L.N. Smithee

    The great-granddaughters of the so-called Greatest Generation — the ones raised on texting, Facebook, Twitter & Instagram — are going to be the first who have an expectation that they ought to artificially sculpt their bodies to their preference. Everyone of them will feel entitled to big boobs and a round derriere (and they have absolutely no idea what aging naturally looks like from their mothers). It’ll be interesting to see what happens when that worldview runs smack into the cold, hard truth of ObamaCare.

  • L.N. Smithee

    J. Lo’s no genius?

    People have been talking a lot of smack about J. Lo since Ben Affleck’s riding high again, her marriage to Marc Anthony fell apart, and she is no longer on American Idol. People act as if she’s hurting. She ain’t. She made $52 million in 2012, than any other female celebrity.

    I say this as a non-fan of her work, particularly her advocacy of a second Obama term, and that ridiculous commercial in which she comes back to her old NYC hood behind the wheel of that gleaming symbol of success — a Fiat 500. : /

  • Becca Lower

    Good points, thanks.

  • Becca Lower

    I considered inserting a Paul McCartney joke, but demurred.

  • Becca Lower

    You & Rule 5 rock, Wombat.