The Other McCain

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Rape Culture Means: Guys, Do Not Have Sex With Jordan Bosiljevac (Updated)

Posted on | May 2, 2015 | 147 Comments

Jordan Bosiljevac is a deeply confused sophomore at Claremont McKenna College (annual tuition $47,395) and, like every other college girl, she’s got an opinion about rape culture:

Why Yes Can Mean No
It started with “consent is sexy.” But, of course, there was no point in that—it was like saying rape is just bad sex, instead of a felony. Then there was “consent is mandatory.” It was much better, reminding us that sex is consensual, and everything else is rape. But then there was me, after a party, in a man’s dorm room. And there was “is this ok?” If we are being legal about this, I said ‘yes’ — no coercion, no imminent threat of violence, no inebriation (well, not a lot, anyway). But what I want to talk about is what happened before I said yes, who taught me to say yes, why I thought it was better to say yes, and why I really meant ‘no.’ . . .

(Pause, dear reader, to imagine yourself in the position of the male Claremont McKenna College student who is the other half of this story. You hooked up with Jordan Bosiljevac after a party, and now she’s going to tell everyone who reads the student newspaper why, in fact, she really didn’t want to hook up with you.)

Depending on who you are, it might sound ridiculous: why would anyone ever say yes when they meant no? Honesty is important to any relationship — sexual or otherwise. Besides, the legal definition of rape in the State of California states “rape is an act of sexual intercourse when a person is incapable of” . . .
Honestly, there’s a lot more to it than that for me. At five, relatives used to kiss my cheeks even as I winced and turned away. At the tender age of twelve, I was taught that my bra straps and thighs deserved detention because they distracted boys at school. At sixteen, my boyfriend assured me that most girls liked this — I just needed to relax. So at 20, in someone’s room after a party, ‘no’ was scary and unfamiliar to me. These incidents, unfortunately, are not unique to me. In discussing this experience with friends, we coined the term “raped by rape culture” to describe what it was like to say yes, coerced by the culture that had raised us and the systems of power that worked on us, and to still want ‘no.’ Sometimes, for me, there was obligation from already having gone back to someone’s room, not wanting to ruin a good friendship, loneliness, worry that no one else would ever be interested, a fear that if I did say no, they might not stop, the influence of alcohol, and an understanding that hookups are “supposed” to be fun.

She was “coerced by the culture” and oppressed by “the systems of power,” you see. That dude she hooked up with after the party might have thought she was consenting to have sex with him when, in fact, he was “culture” and raped her. Or something like that.

The idea that women are “coerced by culture” into having sex with men is, of course, consistent with feminist Professor Marilyn Frye’s assertion that “most women have to be coerced into heterosexuality.” In other words, women do not actually want to have sex with men. Instead, because female “subordination is the basis of male power,” as Professor Charlotte Bunch explained, heterosexuality for women means “submission to personal oppression.” Having sex with men, feminist theory teaches, is part of the “socialized behavior instruction” of “the unnatural, yet universal roles patriarchy has assigned” to women. As lesbian feminist Adrienne Rich explained, “male power manifests itself . . . as enforcing heterosexuality on women,” so that “for women heterosexuality” is “imposed . . . and maintained by force.”

Whether or not Jordan Bosiljevac has learned any of that Advanced Feminist Logic™ at Claremont McKenna College, she clearly has grasped the core feminist doctrine that her entire life has been a traumatic experience of oppression. “Feminist consciousness is consciousness of victimization . . . to come to see oneself as a victim,” as Professor Sandra Lee Bartky has explained. Women’s oppression under patriarchy is so pervasive, according to feminist theory, that women cannot be sure that their ideas, beliefs and emotions are their own. Instead, feminism teaches women that they have been indoctrinated by a system of male supremacy, brainwashed into believing that having sex with men is “natural.” Feminist “rape culture” discourse is not about protecting women from rape; it’s about convincing them that any sexual activity with men can be considered rape, because how can any female (being a victim of male oppression) be able to freely “consent” to sex with her oppressor? This seems to be what Jordan Bosiljevac is trying to tell us:

For me, and many others like me, consent isn’t easy. Yes doesn’t always mean yes, and we misplaced ‘no’ several years ago. This experience isn’t random, but disproportionately affects oppressed communities. Consent is a privilege, and it was built for wealthy, heterosexual, cis, white, western, able-bodied masculinity. . . .
When you’re poor, disabled, queer, non-white, trans, or feminine, ‘no’ isn’t for you. . . . for me, finding ‘no’ is a process, consent is elusive, and sometimes, even when people don’t mean to — they hurt me.

Translation: Guys, do not have sex with Jordan Bosiljevac, ever.

She cannot authentically say “yes,” because “consent is elusive” and, while she is willing to stipulate consent as a hypothetical possibility, any male who would even think about having sex with Jordan Bosiljevac is as crazy as she is.

UPDATE: Thanks to the commenter who pointed out that, in another article at the Claremont McKenna Forum, Jordan Bosiljevac labels herself “a brown woman of gay parents,” and describes “third grade me, starting elementary school with more wealthy white children than I’d ever seen in my whole life”:

On the first day I entered this alien planet via my mothers’ red van — yes, that’s two moms that both came to drop me off. As if gay moms in an old, unfashionable van weren’t enough, I was one of a few children of color at my school. I had no friends, a lot of whispers about my strange family situation, and sudden regret for all the time I’d spent outside that past summer. Basically, I felt like a mess.

Well, “the personal is the political,” as Women’s Liberation pioneer Carol Hanisch famously proclaimed, and this sort of identity-based narrative approach to politics — i.e., offering one’s personal biography as the justification of a radical ideology — has multiple consequences. Forming any kind of coherent movement becomes difficult because everyone has an unlimited psychological investment in the movement, and must fight to make the movement reflective of their own identity. This was the history of Women’s Liberation in a nutshell, familiar to anyone who has read Alice Echols’ Daring to Be Bad or Susan Brownmiller’s In Our Time.

From its beginning amid the radical New Left of the 1960s, the modern feminist movement was crippled by its tendency to attract fanatical ax-grinders who were using politics as a means of addressing their own narrow personal grievances against men, against Judeo-Christian morality, against society in general. The undeniable fact that many of the leading activists in the Women’s Liberation movement were lesbians should have been a warning to any woman who joined the movement in expectation of advancing a reform agenda aimed at the everyday concerns of the typical woman’s life. When it became apparent that some of the movement’s most vocal spokeswomen (including both Kate Millett and Shulamith Firestone) were quite literally psychotic, this should have prompted other feminists to reconsider their own basic principles.

Here we are, then, in the 21st century and the 20-year-old daughter of a lesbian couple finds that her search for happiness is fraught with perils and disappointments she can only analyze through a feminist lens. She has no other frame of reference and yet, as I have said, if feminism is the cause of your problem, the solution to your problem is not “more feminism.” This puts someone like Jordan Bosiljevac into a painful dilemma, for if she were somehow to re-examine her principles and discover traditionalism, she would be compelled to reject her own “family values.” Therefore it is much more likely that she will instead double-down on feminism, embracing an even more radical hostility to human nature.

This kind of reaction to feminism’s failure is exactly what we are witnessing everywhere now. A new book, Freedom Fallacy: The Limits of Liberal Feminism, edited by a pair of Australian feminists, collects essays advocating a renewed radicalism. The titles of these essays reveal a totalitarian suspicion of personal liberty (e.g., “Entitled to Be Free: Exposing the Limits of Choice”), a sense of a radical indignation (e.g., “The Illusion of Progress: A Betrayal of Women from Both Ends of the Political Spectrum”), and an underlying anti-heterosexual hostility toward men (e.g., “The Oppression That Dare Not Speak Its Name? Silences Around Heterosexuality in Contemporary Feminism”). These attitudes are surprising only to those who have not studied feminist gender theory and the history of the movement. (My book Sex Trouble provides a helpful introduction.) Ultimately, the movement aims to bring about the destruction of civilization as we know it, annihilating the traditional married family as a normative institution, and bringing about an “equality” of the sexes by the imposition of androgyny, i.e., “the abolition of gender.” If anyone asks where “the pursuit of happiness” fits into this radical vision, the answer is that feminists consider “happiness” a myth, a social construct of the heteronormative patriarchy.

BTW, as of May 5, it’s National Offend a Feminist Week. You can celebrate by being as happy as possible. Feminists hate happiness.




 

Comments

  • http://www.journal14.com/ Dana

    Oh, I wasn’t aggravated about it at all!

  • Robert What?

    @darleenclick

    I guarantee you that there are lots more comments – they are just deleting any that aren’t unquestionably supportive. Mine was deleted as well.

    In any case, to paraphrase InstaPundit, the takeaway message of the article should be that women are far too fragile and immature to handle the responsibility of being away at college.

  • Steve Skubinna

    I have a friend who is a member of AA. He told me once that he never dates people from meetings, because “sick plus sick does not equal well.”

  • Steve Skubinna

    That’s because modern feminism needs “rape culture.” Otherwise all they’re left with is complaining that some pig held a door for them.

  • Steve Skubinna

    Yeah, but you could learn that for less than $60,000 a year.

    On the other hand, I couldn’t learn that at any price.

  • Steve Skubinna

    The relatively low sex drive of women compared with men can be explained readily by the fact that sex for men is opportunity to spread genetic material, while for women it is a risk of spending nine months pregnant.

    In other words, the stakes are higher for women.

  • Steve Skubinna

    And usually Jon Anderson and sometimes Rick Wakeman. And Bill Buford.

  • Steve Skubinna

    They are emotionally at the level of a two year old who has discovered the word “NO!”

  • Steve Skubinna

    Well, there’s Mom, and Other Mom, and some guy from the progressive bookstore, and a turkey baster…

  • Steve Skubinna

    What they are raging against is reality. Biology, physics, economics, math, the whole rotten oppressive patriarchal structure.

  • Steve Skubinna

    “I meant what I said, and I said what I mean, an elephant’s faithful one hundred percent.”

    Horton Hears A Who

  • Steve Skubinna

    That pairs with another bedrock tenet of progressivism – that minorities are too stupid and incompetent to be held responsible for their actions.

    Progressivism is built on the tenet that people are incapable of managing their lives without the benevolent guiding hand of the progressives.

  • Jason Lee

    It’s one part rape fetish, one part lesbianism, one part sexual Victorianism, one part sexual anarchy.

  • Jason Lee

    Jordan Bosiljevac…don’t miss the song at the end

  • Jason Lee

    Her upbringing might have been nuts, but a the results of a 30 second google suggest that reveals that she lives a charmed life, she flaunts her sexuality and she has very little to complain about. She’ll have no trouble luring victims into her abusive psychodrama.

  • Daniel Freeman

    I think he meant “low level” in the sense of deep and primal. I’ve always thought that Star Trek had Vulcans being forced to abandon their rationality by the pon farr because logical sex would’ve broken the suspension of disbelief.

    So when you take away the old social rules that constrained behavior for a reason… well, we’ve seen the result.

  • Dindu nuffin

    Horton the elephant had a lot of useful lessons (like the one about the bird who left him to watch her egg – it must have been an allegory about feminists and ho they dont like to let men have equal power in a relationship involving the raising of children))

  • TinaTumblrina

    SEXIST! YOU HAVE JUST COMMITTED NOTICE-RAPE! (or something, get back to me, I’ll have a term for this thoughtcrime soon enough)

  • JL

    “Blue hair, fellas beware” is the formulation I prefer.

    (I should probably break down and get a Disqus account at this point)

  • TinaTumblrina

    It is very mean that reality won’t conform to my fantasies and anyone who points out that it doesn’t is a big meanie rape-apologist.

  • Gunga

    Actually, it seems to me that all she is trying to communicate is: “Dude didn’t call me after.”

  • Steve Skubinna

    Don’t tax yourself. Try “victim blaming” and “slut shaming.”

  • Steve Skubinna

    Ah, I see. In any event, we evolved with these reflexes for very solid reasons, whatever kinds of cultural overlays we wish to put on top of them.

    As for pon farr, I think it was a pretty ingenious solution to the question of how Vulcans reproduce. Sex being so darn enjoyable it would naturally be problematic to the logical, emotion eschewing Vulcans.

  • Steve Skubinna

    Which would make her prime one night stand fodder.

    Well, save the crazy part. Because I have a hunch that with her, it will never be a one night stand. Have sex with her, and there’s a boiled rabbit in your future. You just have no idea when.

  • Fred Garvin

    Since “rape culture” is the reason for rape, can we charge “rape culture” for the crime?
    Or, when a “victim” of rape culture rape reports the crime with a guy’s name, can the “victim” be charged with providing false information to law enforcement since it was actually rape culture that is the perpetrator?

  • Nan

    Wyoming Catholic College, where you can’t have a cellphone but you can have a gun.

  • Nan

    No Marge Simpson for you!

  • Nan

    Most feminists are liberals and most liberals get their undies in a bunch at the thought of a gun so are unlikely to own a gun, much less carry it with them, loaded.

  • JohnnyL53

    Jordan has to pat herself on the back for this. Not only did she have consensual sex but after the fact she gets to claim to be a victim and down the road a survivor. A twofer.

    She must have been feeling left out. The victims/survivors get all the attention. Now she has opened up a way for females to get sex from males and be victims at the same time.

    This was what Columbia mattress girl, Sulkowicz, was trying to articulate but not as clearly stated.

  • texlovera

    Then the logical extension of ” ‘Yes’ can mean ‘No’ ” is, of course, ” ‘No’ can mean ‘Yes’ “.

    That’s what happens when you twist obvious truths into an unrecognizable muddle, kidz!

  • Gunga

    I think you just raped relativism…

  • http://doofenshmirtz-evil-inc.blogspot.com/ PCachu

    Well if relativism wasn’t wearing such a short skirt, that never would have happened.

  • Logical

    “burqa” not “burka”- really showing off your intelligence here! Darleen you have sorely missed the point of Jordan’s article- this isn’t about left or right, and ignoring your ignorant comment about Islam (which is completely irrelevant by the way) I am not sure why you feel the need to attack a fellow woman – surely you have received unwanted male attention at some point in your life and understand that sometimes it happens just because you are a woman, and due to no fault of your own

  • http://boogieforward.us/ K-Bob

    …it was askin’ for it.

  • http://boogieforward.us/ K-Bob

    I think I’d extend your rule to something more like:

    Boys:
    * do NOT go looking to to get laid at a college or university.
    * do NOT go looking for a life partner at   a college or university.
    * in fact, until it’s safe to go back on campus, it’s best to   avoid college and university altogether and learn a trade.

  • robertstacymccain

    It’s important to realize that most college students don’t really buy into this crap. The problem is that (a) no one on campus is qualified or authorized to explain to them why it’s wrong, and (b) they don’t realize why it’s important to fight back against it.

    You can never embrace a worldview to which you are never exposed, and conservatism is so rare among college faculty that few students (even conservative students) have any real understanding of what conservatism is. So the conservative understanding of feminism — a totalitarian ideology that aims to destroy the fundamental institutions of society — is one which no student has ever encountered.

  • Wombat_socho

    There’s different ways to transliterate Arabic. Both spellings are correct.

  • Wombat_socho

    This sounds like the right set of priorities.

  • Wombat_socho

    Stay home, drink with friends, and clean your weapons.

  • http://boogieforward.us/ K-Bob

    Let’s just hope the normal people can spot these rotating buzzsaws of personal destruction before getting caught up in them.

  • OhHiMark

    It doesn’t make it any less true. A few bad apples spoil the whole bunch.

  • Days of Broken Arrows

    Um, couldn’t she just have told the guy she felt like she was gonna have diarrhea? Nothing puts the kibosh on sex quicker than that. I know there are more serious issues here, but this whole thing is getting ridiculous so I think it warrants a comment like this.

  • Daniel Freeman

    I thought it was a lesson about not leaving the raising of your children to others, because then (spoiler) they’ll only be half yours.

  • Daniel Freeman

    The crazy thing is that she isn’t quite saying that she wanted to say no; she’s saying that she wanted to say yes, but only because of social forces. So sure, if she wanted to turn him off while keeping the door open, she could say that she was on her period. But that assumes facts not in evidence: that she knows her own mind.

  • Dindu nuffin

    There were many useful lessons in that book (as already stated)

  • John Rooshe

    Women are strong and independent!

    …oh, except for when it comes to allocating agency and accountability–then all of a sudden women group themselves with pet and children in absolving themselves of culpability for anything.

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