The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

‘Nice Guys,’ Failure, Self-Pity and Cruelty

Posted on | August 19, 2015 | 137 Comments

Bailey Poland (@the_author_) is a fairly typical example of how feminism attracts sadistic women by offering them ideological justification for their impulses toward anti-male cruelty. Because of confirmation bias and epistemic closure, however, once a woman enters the feminist echo chamber, it becomes impossible for her to understand her own impulsive responses as emotion, per se.

Feminism as an ideology functions to rationalize negative emotions like self-pity and envy and, because the echo chamber reinforces this rationalizing discourse (“the personal is political”), it becomes impossible for feminists to separate personal problems from the political rhetoric by which she constructs her identity. Because feminism naturally attracts to its banner women with profound resentments toward males, the movement incentivizes a discourse of cruelty, where men are portrayed as underserving of respect, love or sympathy. The more a feminist expresses an anti-male rhetoric that demonizes males, the more encouragement she will receive from within the movement. This is why radical hatemongers — from Mary Daly and Catharine MacKinnon to Jaclyn Friedman and Meghan Murphy — have always found feminism to be such a rewarding career field.

Until yesterday, I had never heard of Bailey Poland, but I included one of her tweets in a roundup about the feminist hashtag campaign #ThingsFeministMenHaveSaidToMe, and someone in the comments remarked, “I loathe Bailey Poland. She’s one of the most loathsome, divisive, and nit picky, yet totally self righteous feminists on Twitter.” Oh, really? This claim required investigation, and I quickly verified the commenter’s assertion. Then I began to read articles Ms. Poland had written about “toxic masculinity” and “benevolent sexism,” and then finally, “nice guys”:

The “nice guy” has made “being nice to women” his defining trait in attempting to get women to go out with him, and his niceness begins to wear thinner and become more and more brittle as he learns this does not work.
The “nice guy” has an image of himself that is fundamentally at odds with his actual behavior. He often sees himself as chivalrous, respectful to women, attentive to the women he wants to pursue romantically, and deserving of affection or romance in return. He sees his behavior as genuinely nice, and has been told all his life that niceness is rewarded. He will hone in on one woman or a few women and idealize them to the point of perfection, befriending them in the hopes that they will relive a dozen teen movies wherein the romantic interest realizes she should have been with her best friend all along. . . .
His niceness is a sham, and a tool for gaining what he perceives as leverage in earning or winning a romantic relationship. The “nice guy” tends to perceive himself as passionate and tender, while his targets see him as grasping and manipulative. . . .
The basic problem with “nice guys” is their sense of entitlement to relationships or sex with women based on nothing more than being nice to them. However, women see through this — and niceness that is performed in service of gaining something from a woman is not actually all that nice to begin with, and it certainly is not a free pass to demand anything from anyone. . . .
When “nice guys” complain that women only date jerks, they often just mean that women are acting outside the imaginary roles they’ve been assigned — women are dating men who do not meet the “nice guy” ideal of performing very specific types of behavior for a reward. Many of the men who are perceived as jerks may actually not be perfect guys, but they’re often honest about it in ways that allow for the negotiations of an adult relationship to take place. . . .
The other major problem with “nice guys” is that it’s not just their niceness that’s a sham. They also often hate women, but rely on romantic or sexual attachments to fuel their sense of self-worth. When the niceness gambit fails and they feel they have been denied something to which they’re entitled, “nice guy” misogyny often follows close behind. In addition to accusing women of being shallow, sleeping only with jerks, or “friendzoning” them, they will also frequently hurl a variety of gender-based slurs at the very women they claimed to idolize.

You can read the whole thing. We must begin by stipulating that the “nice guy” is a particularly pathetic kind of loser. Rather than confront his own shortcomings and failures, he basically throws a pity party for himself. The reason he keeps losing, he tells himself, is because others fail to recognize his superiority. He actually deserves to be with a Kate Upton lookalike, to be worshipped by women for his own special qualities, and the reason he keeps losing is because the world is unfair. The “nice guy” believes he has been wrongly cheated out of the romantic reward to which he is entitled, as a right, and any guy who travels very far down that road is apt to become dangerous to himself and others. Soaking in the juices of his resentful self-pity, a “nice guy” can become a monster — Elliot Rodger was an extreme example of where this mentality can lead.

Feminists, however, are not interested in helping men like this. Instead, feminists use these maladjusted losers as weapons in a permanent campaign to demonize males for “misogyny,” et cetera.

Males are always damned if they do, damned if they don’t in feminist discourse, which is an exercise in Kafkatrapping, where the point is to humiliate males in order to justify the feminist’s exercise of her punitive authority. This is what Bailey Poland does with her “nice guy” column. She paints these losers as undeserving of sympathy, characterizing their misguided idealism as “misogyny,” in order to justify cruelty as a response to male attention. She herself has zero sympathy for males experiencing romantic disappointment, and believes that no other woman should, either. And her conclusion is self-serving pseudo-sympathetic “advice” to the pathetic losers she despises:

Be kind instead of nice. This requires a shift in thinking about your own behavior, “nice guys.” Do things for people without expecting anything in return. Think about what your friends actually need or want, and help them achieve it or acquire it without thinking you deserve anything more than a “thank you” from them. You’ll be surprised how often people do more for you when an act of kindness on your part doesn’t come with any strings attached.
Get used to just being friends with women. Often, a “nice guy” is not capable of seeing friendship with women as good enough on its own; the relationship must be taken to the “next level” to be worth anything. This is not a healthy way to approach women, and it makes the women you are interested in feel used and disrespected. Being friends with women is rewarding because having friends is rewarding — sex should only come into it when both parties are interested, not when the friendship is being used as a springboard into a fantasy relationship.

Translation: “Give me everything I want, loser, then go away and leave me alone, because men never deserve anything, period.”

Bailey Poland feels no obligation of kindness to males, yet requires males to treat her exactly as she wants to be treated, because otherwise she has been “disrespected” by these miserable losers.

The feminist can be as cruel and selfish as she wants to be, but any male who behaves similarly is condemned for “misogyny.” Bailey Poland derides men who seek a “fantasy relationship,” but what about her own fantasies? Yeah, buddy — her with the whip in her hand, and you on your knees, helplessly begging for mercy.

Guys, just walk away. There are more than 3.5 billion women in the world, not all of whom are cold-hearted monsters who demand that you genuflect at the throne of the Bitch Goddess.

One of the things my father taught me is, “It never hurts to ask. The worst they can tell you is ‘no.'” This advice was offered in the context of salesmanship or seeking employment, but it’s equally applicable to the search for love. If you’ve ever been involved in direct sales — knocking on doors, cold-calling strangers, hustling to make that sale — you know how crucial it is to overcome your own self-consciousness, to learn how to handle rejection without becoming demoralized.

“Just win, baby” — Al Davis had it right. There is no substitute for victory, but you can’t win if you don’t play the game, and it is foolish to hope you’ll be undefeated in every season. What is important is to maintain your morale, and not to become so discouraged by a losing streak that you surrender to despair.

Pay attention, guys: Never talk to a feminist.

Do not waste time on sadistic women who hate you.

No matter how “nice” you are to a feminist, she will never respect you. The feminist always mistakes male kindness for weakness, and is incapable of gratitude toward males, so that being “nice” to her will only serve to convince her of how infinitely contemptible you are — a servile lackey, a fawning slave who appeals to her sadistic impulses.

Never talk to a feminist. Never look at a feminist.

If you know that a woman is a feminist, avoid being in her presence, because the feminist has no interest in males except as demonized objects of fear, hate, scorn and ridicule. Wherever the feminist is, make it a point to be somewhere else, and do not associate with anyone within the feminist’s circle of hateful influence.

Feminism is a vortex of negativity so intense as to extinquish all positivity in its vicinity. Anyone who associates with a feminist risks being sucked into her gravitional force-field of soul-killing evil.

Here’s the thing, guys: Never explain to the feminist why you are shunning her. Don’t argue with her. Don’t tell her off. Master the habit of silence in her presence, insofar as you are unable to avoid her presence. If you’re talking with a group of your friends and the feminist interrupts, this is your cue to end the conversation and, if possible, walk away.

We are currently experiencing a resurgence of radical feminism, what might be called a “Fourth Wave.” We can perceive a return to the vehement man-hating tendencies of the “Second Wave” of the early 1970s, a reversal of the postmodernist “Third Wave” that began in the ’90s. The toxic feminism of Daly/Dworkin/MacKinnon has been resuscitated, and wherever this poison spreads, its effect will invariably be lethal to heterosexuality. Young men must therefore enforce a cordon sanitaire around those women infected with the feminist virus until this anti-male pandemic burns itself out in a frenzy of lesbian rage.

Trust me on this, guys. “Hunt where the ducks are.” Feminists don’t like men, and they spread their contempt for males to every woman around them, so wherever feminism is, be somewhere else.




 

Comments

  • DeadMessenger

    And everyone who agrees with me is both super-smart and correct by definition. LOL!

  • Gunga

    et tu, QM?

  • Daniel Freeman

    No, it’s an open-book test. 😉

  • Lulu

    I’m not sure I disagree with this woman’s take on self declared “nice guys.” I have encountered many of these “nice guys,” and honestly they aren’t nice — she is spot on in that they expect something and feel entitled to romantic feelings and sex from women of their choosing and get angry when women don’t comply. These same “nice guys” loathe other men — men that they perceive as successful with women. There are many jerks out there that women date as well as lots of decent men who have success with women, but these “nice guys” don’t find success – why? Because they are overwhelmingly petulant, entitled, a$$holes. Honestly, I believe she is discussing these men — and no I have not read anything else she has written, but being a crazy feminist does not mean everything she says has to be wrong. If you are male, and not one of these “nice guys” interact with one and you will find that you find them just as unlikeable as women do.

  • Lulu

    that is so exactly it — and I believe women know with in minutes of meeting a man if they will ever sleep with him — not to say you might not get lucky with a depressed desperate friend like the comic above, but women know immediately they just do

  • Lulu

    which shows? That’s a sincere question because I’m thinking about the 80’s and I remember David Addison, Face and Hannibal, Starbuck, Remington Steele, Ted Danson in Cheers, Bo and Luke Duke, JR Ewing, Trapper John, Thomas Magnum — none of these were “nice guys,” all very successful with women…

  • JoeBee

    So, in other words you(and other women)tell men how they should act around them in order to possibly get into a relationship, and then when they comply you backhand them, call them creeps, and date guys that treat you like shit! Then you chastise them for being bitter. Majority of decent, well intentioned men have played the nice guy, and been rebuffed, myself included. After that I was a PUA all the way, and enjoyed making an ass out of a lot of women, and lo and behold, you keep calling!

  • Lulu

    wow you assume a lot — and judging by your tone I’m thinking you were never actually nice — I was referring to my observations of male colleagues, family members, and classmates over the years that professed to be “nice guys,” but somehow had no success with women. I personally have never told a man what he needs to do or be, because if you were not what I wanted then I wasn’t interested in the first place — never that concerned about it honestly (it’s all pretty basic you either like who a person is or you don’t, you’re either compatible or you’re not, you’re either physically attracted or you’re not) — then again I’ve been married forever why because I knew what I wanted and married him. I will say that many women especially young women don’t understand that men can’t be “friends” with women and these same women also think it’s kinder to say let’s be friends than to just give a clear rejection — they don’t do it to be mean — men and women are just different.

  • Lulu

    One more thing, my first real knowledge of “nice guys” was in my first job after undergrad. It involved a great deal of downtime chat time with coworkers. Anyway, this self-described “nice guy” was not a serial killer as far as I know, didn’t abuse kittens, or steal from the drugstore, etc. Had basic table manners and was outwardly polite. So nothing obviously wrong with him, but his attitude towards women was entitled and he was seething with anger. Why? because he was not successful with women — never had been and he was 26 years old. Right there, I bet you are sympathetic. Don’t be, he wasn’t successful with women because he ultimately wished Pamela Anderson would be available, but failing that he wanted cheerleaders in HS, hot sorority girls in college, and now that he was out of school he still felt entitled to these exceptionally pretty women while he was below average in looks and lived with his mother (who did all his laundry, cooked his meals, etc.) — and it was not enough that he wanted women out of his league when I would point out that a woman at work seemed interested he would rage like a toddler on a tantrum because these average or plain women who were interested in him were not what he wanted he wanted the hot girls and it wasn’t fair because he was a “nice guy.” Admittedly, that’s an anecdote, but I and many other women have many more anecdotes about these “nice guys.”

  • Jason Lee

    She makes some valid points, but her real problem with “nice guys” isn’t that they’re “aren’t nice”. Jerks aren’t nice and she admits that she has a soft spot for jerks. Her real problem with nice guys is that their weakness is repulsive.

    Although they can serve as useful idiots for a while — potentially offsetting their repulsive weakness — they eventually get tired of being used by her.

    Even that probably would be tolerable if the nice guys would quietly slink away with their tails between their legs when they finally got wise to the futility of their “friendship” with this bitter sadist, but the nice guys, being the sensitive creatures that they are, have some emotional insights that give them the power to exact a pound of flesh on their way out of her life.

    And that makes her feel “manipulated.” I.e., they hold up a mirror and she’s forced to how ugly she is. And that’s a price she does not want to pay. Nice guy servitude is supposed to be entirely gratis.

  • Quartermaster

    Et tu? Yes too!

  • Jason Lee

    Sam Malone from Cheers was one of the characters I was thinking about, as well as Frasier. Although the people who created those shows had some good insights into human psychology, they fumbled a bit on the “nice guy” thing from time to time. Sam Malone spent the entire series struggling with his inner cad vs an apparent higher calling to be a nicer guy (catalyzed by his relationship with Diane). And he struggled with that much much more than I think any man of his success level ever would. It was an entirely implausible amount of introspection for an alpha male. Although the nice guys usually finished last in Cheers, there are many instances in which the nice guy vs cad stories became almost completely divorced from reality. I’m sure that some of that was just an attempt to make absurdly funny stories, but in other cases it was obvious that the writer had a poor understanding of heterosexual psychology, particularly the psychology of women. I can’t think of a good example from Cheers off the top of my head at the moment, but I think “Three Dates and a Breakup” from Frasier is probably a pretty good example.

  • JoeBee

    This anecdote isn’t helping your case all that much. So he wanted an attractive woman? And? Who doesn’t? That makes him entitled? We live in a society that bombards you with images of beautiful women, and attaches your worth as a man to it, but he’s entitled for wanting one? Maybe he doesn’t like average chicks? This is a strange irony about women: they use “he lives with his mother” as a pejorative, the same woman who loved, and raised him, but then wonder why a lot of men can be cold, aloof, or downright shitty toward women when you frame this relationship like its a disease? And then, at the same time, women evaluate a man on how he treats this very same woman he supposedly should shun! Women are insane. And that’s when you say you want something I ignore it, and do whatever I want.

  • JoeBee

    Women know nothing, and can be manipulated into sex, whether or not they felt an initial impulse. It’s a science, and when you crack their code any woman is beddable.

  • Lulu

    I’m not sure why I bother but that’s the same thing as saying I want to be rich society tells me rich is good and if I can’t be rich I’m going to rage and throw a tantrum and hate rich people. Yes it is entitled to be below average in looks and feel you deserve someone really good looking and to think you are too good for average looking people, but good looking women are evil if they won’t date below average that isn’t just entitled that’s insane and certainly does not make you a nice person.

  • Lulu

    Oh and got news a grown woman sponsoring off mommy and having mommy do her laundry and cook her meals would be a loser as well

  • JoeBee

    Then don’t bother…

    Let me give you a quick heads up about men: No guy wants an ugly woman because it diminishes him in the eyes of other men. That’s it. That’s not an entitled attitude. It’s reality. Good looking women aren’t necessarily evil, but most men don’t have a lot of sympathy for what befalls them, and secretly love to see them hurt. I see it all the time. I never said I was nice, and I know I’m a bastard. If I was nice, I wouldn’t be an anti feminist.

  • Lulu

    I never saw Sam that way – although we may be over analyzing a sitcom that set up Sam and Diane as terrible stereotypes as the basis for humor – but I always thought it was that Diane supposedly smart and liberated is attracted to the lower IQ womanizer rather than the nice, smart, doctor – Frasier making her a big fool – if anything I thought it was nice guys finish last – personally I liked Frasier

  • JoeBee

    That’s something that mainly gets thrown at men by women. It’s also a dull, conventional attitude. And again, in a sense you’re saying something negative about other women, and that this relationship is bad. Women are threatened by a mans mother it’s nothing more than that, and that’s why you demonize her. Women hate other women more than they hate men.

  • Lulu

    How is that different than women only wanting rich men – not at all. And as to the no man thing ever been to Wal-Mart? There are lots of ugly men who seem perfectly happy with ugly women or average to average judging by how many kids they have. And since there really aren’t that many good-looking people I’m guessing most people that are looks focused settle.

  • Daniel Freeman

    I think that you’re talking about gammas. However, we now have a dysfunctional culture that no longer gracefully guides deltas into healthy relationships; quite the opposite.

    Sure, you’re right, the normal guy’s reaction to a gamma is to want to punch him in the face. At the same time, I think you have a lot of guys who were misled into gammatude by a sick culture, that could’ve been better men in a better era.

    And I think that’s where at least some of the anger comes from.

  • robertstacymccain

    Speaking for myself, I spent several years in my teens mostly just hanging around with girls, trying to figure them out. Learning how to get to “yes” was a subject I studied with tremendous earnestness. Learning to take “no” for an answer is always the most important lesson.

    The basic problems with the “nice guy,” it seems to me, are (a) that he generally is trying to play out of his effective range, and (b) he employs a “rifle” rather than a “shotgun” approach. A guy who tries to play out of his range is always crushing on some beautiful girl who represents to him “success.” No matter how many 6’s or 7’s are available, he zones in on an 8 or a 9, because “winning” her will validate his worthiness and earn him the admiration of other males. Of course, the extraordinary beauty is always a rarity, and so he becomes fixated on whichever beauty is in his school or work environment. It is this fixation on The One that is the “rifle” aim, whereas the much smarter strategy is the “shotgun” — expand your focus so that you are talking to lots of different women

    Being able to talk to women and learning to read signals accurately, requires “time on task” — always be closing, as they say in sales — and the “shotgun” strategy not only makes the Law of Large Numbers work to your advantage, but it also gives you lots of practice. If a guy has any sense at all, he learns that you don’t really risk much by being up-front about your interests. Why waste time just hanging around that Dream Girl, playing the “nice guy,” and hoping she’ll give you a shot? Man, there are more than 3.5 billion women in the world. Get out there and talk to as many of them as you can.

    The “nice guy” invests too much time in a single prospect, and feels he deserves a return on that investment, but why? This is irrational. Nobody owes anybody anything, and if a guy mistakes mere friendliness for something more, he’s a chump. I don’t think we need a theory of “misogyny” to explain why chumps are chumps, just like we don’t need a theory to explain why bitches are bitches.

    Stop overthinking everything. A lot of things are much more simple than feminist theory would have us believe, but they insist on viewing everything through the warped lense of “patriarchal oppression.”

  • JoeBee

    The women’s movement has been financed, and supported by globalists, and the corporate media because they don’t want strong men around who are capable of resisting. Is it any wonder that this same women’s movement supports gun control, and ban all gun ownership if they could? and who is the feminist candidate? Wall Street shill, and globalist, Hillary Clinton.

  • Daniel Freeman

    Exactly. The entire grinding debate over “nice guys” comes down to three types: girlfriends, clueless and chivalrous.

    Some are actually fine hearing her complain about her boyfriend was mean to her, the poor emasculated fools.

    Some actually think that “friends first” is a legit way to a romantic (and then sexual) relationship, the poor deluded fools.

    Then there are the ones that are over forty.

  • Jason Lee

    Yes, I would venture to say that the Pamela Anderson fan, if he actually belongs in the nice guy category, is a specific kind of loser who is an outlier among the general population of nice guys who need to trade their rifles for shotguns, as described by RSM above.

  • Renaissance

    Two things–listen closely.

    1. “Yes Means Yes” Date-Rape Consent Rule Unconstitutional – Judge
    http://www.prlog.org/12482984-yes-means-yes-date-rape-consent-rule-unconstitutional-judge.html

    2. Instead of writing endless blog posts, you need to take a page from Saul Alinksy’s book. Keep track of EVERY university/college in your area for these “Fuck Rape Culture” demonstrations. Choose some of them–especially one where there are conservative speakers that these nutty types are there to disrupt.

    Get some real women–you know, the ones who like men–and pay them to dress up like lesbian commando types and have them go to these feminist demonstrations carry signs saying “Penises are evil!” “All hetero sex is rape!” “All PIV is rape!” (or any quotes from Andrea Dworkin). Make sure that they are theatrical enough for the video cameras to be drawn to them but not offensive enough to be thrown out.

    Then, every time the conservative gets heckled by the rape culture idiots, your female friends join in with “Penises are evil!” “All PIV is rape!” and any other absurd thing you have heard the feminazis say.

    Take the air out of the room and the wind out of their SJW sails. And make everyone realize just how extreme these feminazis are.

    Now go to it and stop complaining.

  • greyghost1

    This an outstanding article. What you have done is explained the basis of MGTOW and the herbivore men of Japan. Being nice to women is a learned behavior from a society and culture that is set up to produce nice men. That same society and culture hates men and everything about them.

  • Femghazi

    When a feminist comes a knocking and starts sprouting off turds of inane mumblings about the patriarchy, I always respond by saying that I agree and that feminists should band together and shun men.

    It never works though, they keep trying to convince me of the ever present lure of the patriarchy towards young and impressionable women. I remind them that the patriarchy is indeed luring and enticing to young females and that if they really want to have a good life, they should welcome the patriarchy with open arms!

    Anger and protestations aside, I do enjoy giving them the smirk after a good old patriarchal lecture and in the end, I always leave them boiling in their own anger and rage whilst I feel good and wholesome teaching them the errors of their feminist ways.

    What works best on feminists is to always laugh and never lose your cool, always maintain a cool and calm demeanor. Tease them constantly and never forget to remind them of the return of the patriarchy. Oh the glorious Patriarchy!

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  • The original Mr. X

    That last comment was unnecessarily tautological, I felt.

  • The original Mr. X

    Well, if you take terms literally, “progressive” and “social justice” ought to be good things, but they’re not. Ditto “nice guys”.

  • The original Mr. X

    I see I’m a bit late to the party, but Karen Straughan has a very good video on why nice guys attract so much feminist ire:

    Also, surely I can’t be the only one who thinks it’s a bit off the way feminists routinely collapse all male romantic love into mere sexual desire? The desire to love and be loved is one of the most important human desires, and dismissing all this as “just wanting to have sex” or whatever not only ignores a source of very real unhappiness, it comes across as more than a little dehumanising, as if men can’t feel the full range of human emotions.

  • Sean

    I never thought I’d say this about a feminist, but I agree with her. And I’m unapologetically misogynist/red pill. She’s just giving standard advice any therapist would give someone for breaking out of their narcissistic shells (her advice applies to women too, who often behave the same way). And you’re both correct: there’s no point in being nice to women, so stop doing it.

  • Daniel Freeman

    I think it would be a country song…

    It was a warm autumn evening
    As she got ready to get laid
    Primping and whisky pregaming
    For the party across the quad

    There was a quiver in her loins
    But a twinge in her conscience
    And she wanted her virtue purloined
    Which is why drunk sluts get drunk

    Now it’s a bright autumn morning
    As she make the walk of shame
    In front of everyone watching
    To the dorm from which she came

    There was a quiver in her loins
    But a twinge in her conscience
    And she wanted her virtue purloined
    Which is why drunk sluts get drunk

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