Posted on | February 1, 2016 | 68 Comments
Does that headline make sense? Of course not, but I’ve been reading so much feminist literature lately, I’ve come to realize that expecting headlines to make sense is patriarchal oppression.
“Shut the f–k up! Because patriarchy!”
To a feminist, everything is rape culture, and so the Iowa caucus must be part of it somehow. When coeds at the University of Alabama (scarcely a haven of radicalism) form a Feminist Caucus and issue a manifesto full of Women’s Studies jargon — the gender binary! heteronormativity! social constructs! — about “rape culture” in Tuscaloosa, we must realize American culture is so thoroughly corrupted nothing can save us from the destructive tsunami of complete decadence. As I explained the night Obama was re-elected, we are Doomed Beyond All Hope of Redemption. Meanwhile, in Iowa . . .
With 17% of precincts reporting in the Republican caucus, Texas Sen. Ted Cruz has 30%, businessman Donald Trump has 27% and Florida Sen. Marco Rubio has 19%, Dr. Ben Carson has 10% and former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush is . . . losing. Very badly.
So maybe there is a tiny glimmer of hope.
UPDATE 9:45 p.m.: With 37% precincts reporting, according to the New York Times, it’s Cruz 29%, Trump 26%, Rubio 20%, Carson 10% and former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush . . . still losing.
UPDATE 10 p.m.: Meanwhile, with 63% of precincts reporting on the Democrat side, it’s the Criminal Clinton 51%, Socialist Sanders 49% and former Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley is losing even worse than Jeb Bush.
UPDATE 10:50 p.m.: OK, so 99% of precincts are counted, Cruz is the winner with 28%, Trump second with 24% and a surprisingly strong third-place finish for Marco Rubio with 23%. Marco just gave his big speech — full of the rhetoric of American exceptionalism — and sounded very confident about his prospects. Meanwhile, on the Democrat side, Martin O’Malley has hoisted the white flag, suspending his campaign, as has Mike Huckabee among Republicans.
At Jeb Bush HQ, it’s got to look like a Downfall parody video tonight. The dude spent $80 million and got 3%.
— Evi L. Bloggerlady (@MsEBL) February 2, 2016
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— James Miller (@Millermena) February 2, 2016
— JEB DELENDUS EST (@rsmccain) February 2, 2016