The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

The Despicable David Brooks

Posted on | May 5, 2016 | 264 Comments


Once upon a time, David Brooks Fisking Day was celebrated here every Tuesday. The New York Times‘ token “conservative” column was so predictably wrong about nearly everything — his political instincts are so bad — that I had to lash him around every week just to relieve my system of the excess bile generated by reading his pretentious bulls–t. At least twice, circa 2007-2008, I walked out of events where Brooks spoke; the experience of being in the same room with him was intolerable. Once, a fews years ago, I found myself in a discussion with Jonah Goldberg as to which New York Times columnist was worse, David Brooks or Thomas Friedman. Goldberg insisted Friedman was worse than Brooks, and I suppose it’s a matter of opinion, but in my opinion, Goldberg is wrong. Friedman may be demonic, but David Brooks is Satan.

“Brooks should never be argued with — he should be mocked, and often, and by someone who knows how.”

Why do I hate David Brooks so much? Because I am a populist, a Jacksonian who believes that the American people deserve a government that serves their interests, and not the interests of a decadent elite. All elites eventually become decadent and corrupt. This is what history teaches, and our country is being ruined by the sort of people David Brooks rubs elbows with during his annual pilgrimages to Davos, deracinated cosmopolitans with no loyalty to anything, devoted to no principle except the increase of their own wealth, status and power. The comprehensive wrongness of David Brooks eventually became so glaringly apparent — about the time he expressed his admiration of Barack Obama’s pants creases — that everyone realized he is Satan. Once his diabolical wrongness was universally acknowledged, everybody with a blog got in on the Brooks-fisking game, and I lost interest in the sport. Nowadays, it takes a really spectacular exercise in Brooksian douchebaggery to get my attention, and he delivered such a specimen earlier this week:

Donald Trump now looks set to be the Republican presidential nominee. So for those of us appalled by this prospect — what are we supposed to do?
Well, not what the leaders of the Republican Party are doing. They’re going down meekly and hoping for a quiet convention. They seem blithely unaware that this is a Joe McCarthy moment. People will be judged by where they stood at this time. Those who walked with Trump will be tainted forever after for the degradation of standards and the general election slaughter. . . .

OK, let me interrupt this to make an important announcement. I hadn’t been planning to do this, but I now officially endorse Donald Trump.

If David Brooks hates Donald Trump, then it is my duty as a patriotic American to love Donald Trump. And if David Brooks says the fall election will be a “slaughter” for Republicans, this means Trump will win. And now let’s return to the total wrongness of David Brooks:

The suicide rate has surged to a 30-year high — a sure sign of rampant social isolation. . . .

(No, the high suicide rate is caused by the existential despair of Americans who understand that Barack Obama has destroyed their country.)

A record number of Americans believe the American dream is out of reach. And for millennials, social trust is at historic lows.
Trump’s success grew out of that pain, but he is not the right response to it. The job for the rest of us is to figure out the right response. . . .

(Who is “the rest of us,” Mr. Brooks?  Clueless douchebags on Pinch Sulzberger’s payroll? The people you hang out with in Davos?)

I was surprised by Trump’s success because I’ve slipped into a bad pattern, spending large chunks of my life in the bourgeois strata — in professional circles with people with similar status and demographics to my own.

(Which is to say, clueless douchebags.)

It takes an act of will to rip yourself out of that and go where you feel least comfortable. But this column is going to try to do that over the next months and years. We all have some responsibility to do one activity that leaps across the chasms of segmentation that afflict this country. . . .
Up until now, America’s story has been some version of the rags-to-riches story, the lone individual who rises from the bottom through pluck and work. But that story isn’t working for people anymore, especially for people who think the system is rigged. . . .
We’ll probably need a new definition of masculinity, too. There are many groups in society who have lost an empire but not yet found a role. Men are the largest of those groups. The traditional masculine ideal isn’t working anymore. It leads to high dropout rates, high incarceration rates, low labor force participation rates. This is an economy that rewards emotional connection and verbal expressiveness. Everywhere you see men imprisoned by the old reticent, stoical ideal.

You can read the rest, but I must warn you that reading David Brooks columns can lead to existential despair and suicide. Honestly, I’d rather read Third Wave feminist theory textbooks. At least feminists are honest about hating men, hating America, hating God and everything else.

What is so despicable about David Brooks is his condescending attitude, his insuperable conviction that he is better than the rest of us, more intelligent and sensitive — all that “emotional connection and verbal expression,” you see. And as he departs on his tour of the American hinterlands, ripping himself out of the “bourgeois strata” to leap across “the chasms of segmentation,” I hope David Brooks gets what he deserves, namely to be beaten to a bloody pulp by a tattooed redneck.

This would be a triumph of social justice, really and it’s not hard to imagine how it would happen, either. Probably at a Waffle House.

“Hey, buddy, you look kinda familiar,” says the truck driver, while he’s paying at the cash register. “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”

“You’ve probably seen me on Meet the Press or PBS Newshour,” says Brooks, who has been sitting at the counter, studying the menu and wondering why there’s no espresso. “My name’s David Brooks.”

“Well, doggone it, I thought so,” laughs the trucker. “I was just thinking to myself, that fellow looks like he writes for New York Times.”

“Thanks,” says Brooks, taking this as a compliment.

“So I guess you’re out here covering the election?” asks the trucker.

“No, actually, I’ve decided to leap across the chasms of segmentation that afflict this country, to mingle with the common folks in an effort to discover why men are imprisoned by a stoical ideal.”

“Oh, really?” says the trucker. And after listening patiently to Brooks prattle on about his ideas, the trucker will gesture toward the parking lot. “You ought to come take a look at my truck. It’s a fine one.”

After he accepts this invitation, David Brooks will probably be surprised to discover that his tour of the parking lot includes an old-fashioned stoical ass-whupping, and maybe the trucker will be prosecuted for assault, but really, who could pass up such an opportunity?

Oh, there’s a reason I always walked out a room whenever David Brooks walked in. Restraining my Jacksonian populist urges requires conscious effort sometimes, and it’s best not to risk an assault charge.

Look what he’s made me do here. I’ve endorsed Trump for pure spite. The worst thing David Brooks can imagine is Donald Trump winning the Republican nomination, but what would be worse for Brooks — what he cannot even imagine — is for Donald Trump to be elected president.

Let us rekindle our Jacksonian spirit, America. Let us ignore the advice of David Brooks and ask ourselves, “What would Old Hickory do?”

If we cannot punch David Brooks in the nose — and I apologize to my readers for having passed up the chance when I had it — then what can we do to fulfill our duty to our children and to our nation’s future? How can we avenge the numerous insults that David Brooks has heaped upon us? How can we escape the condemnation of future generations if, knowing that we had a moral obligation to do the exact opposite of whatever David Brooks said we should do, we did not do it? Our honor is at stake, you see.

David Brooks, a foul stain on the history of American journalism, has thrown down the gauntlet and challenged us to prove him wrong. He has predicted “general election slaughter” for Republicans as a consequence of Donald Trump winning the GOP primary campaign, and declared: “People will be judged by where they stood at this time.” Will people stand with David Brooks? Will people join this supercilious punk in his determination to see Hillary Clinton elected? God forbid!

However crazy it seems, we cannot say it is impossible for Donald Trump to be elected president, and if it is possible to elect Trump, then we are obliged to do all we can to make this happen, if only because a victory for Donald Trump would be a defeat for David Brooks.

Don’t blame me for this. Blame David Brooks. And, also, Satan.

But I repeat myself.



264 Responses to “The Despicable David Brooks”

  1. Quartermaster
    May 7th, 2016 @ 9:14 pm

    When the US falls, events will move like a rocket sled on rails. A lot does not take place because there is fear of what the US will do, even with Zer0 in office. Once that is out of the way, Katy bar the door.

  2. DeadMessenger
    May 7th, 2016 @ 9:40 pm

    Don’t know if you saw a comment I made on the current thread, but it pertains:

    I just got back from seeing Captain America Civil War (loved it!), and no spoiler, but at one point, a character said (paraphrasing here), “If a country is defeated by an enemy, it can always rebuild. But when it crumbles from within, it’s dead forever.”

    Sadly, we’re witnessing option 2 here and now.

  3. Finrod Felagund
    May 7th, 2016 @ 10:53 pm

    What could Trump possibly do to stoop any lower?

  4. Eric Ashley
    May 8th, 2016 @ 1:12 am

    He could have Jeb Bush endorse him.

    Look, I get it. You’re never, ever going to vote for Trump for whatever reasons you have. Thing is, most of the Never Trumpers are not going to join in that.

    And of those that stick, some large percentage are going to be RINOS who hate Conservatives. Others are going to be Libertarians who are at best, fair-weather friends. Not the best of company for a principled conservative.

  5. Finrod Felagund
    May 8th, 2016 @ 3:58 pm

    No principled conservative should vote for Trump, since Trump has no principles whatsoever except the greater glory of Trump.

    So you are fine with Trump falsely claiming birther nonsense against Cruz? Claiming Cruz’s father was in cahoots with Kennedy’s assassin? That bit of insane nonsense is somehow better than the endorsement of Jeb Bush?

    If that’s really what you think, then all I have to say to you is this: Fuck you and get the fuck out of my party.

  6. Eric Ashley
    May 8th, 2016 @ 8:49 pm

    Jeb Bush’s endorsement is worse. See, you can do something wrong, and its bad. But to join the Mafia is worse because now you’re in for life as part of an Evil System.

    I expect all politicians to lie, and to have views that are unacceptable to me. Its part of having a mature perspective.

    I’m pretty sure your much touted by you list of a 101 Lies is full of distortions because thats the way things are done in Modern America. Should I toss Cruz out just because of that?

    I can see that my being reasonable and fairminded is driving you to anger and drink. You want me to scream insults at you so that you can be validated in your chosen actions. Tough luck, dude. You still have to lookk in the mirror. I’m not going to help you cloud your mind with rage.

    Bye now.

  7. Finrod Felagund
    May 8th, 2016 @ 8:58 pm

    Fuck off. You’re actively cooperating with EVIL and you will make any excuse to cover for your Orange Messiah.

    You are a cultist that has been taken in by a con man, a grifter, a crook. Go talk to the people that got taken in by that scam Trump University– oh wait, you probably have some all-too-convenient excuse for that, too.

    You don’t know the meaning of reasonable or fair-minded. You are a sad, deluded fool that knows NOTHING but Trump’s LIES.


  8. JT
    May 8th, 2016 @ 10:49 pm

    Sorry folks, in a democracy or other group-choosing event you don’t get what you want. You don’t even get a viable strategy. It’s more like a physics problem where all of these forces add up. If you can’t handle that, representative government isn’t for you. Yes I am disappointed that a field of the best candidates in a while was whittled down to the worst of all the choices.

    There is a reason there are only two parties and that reason isn’t changing even this weird year.

    You know if Hillary wins she will nominate at least one lefty to the Supreme Court. Other lefties will probably retire to allow even more.

    Trump might possibly make a good nomination, even Ted Cruz.

    You make the choices that are actually available, not fantasy choices.

  9. @ImaCarNow
    May 9th, 2016 @ 7:49 am

    The same way he continued to carry water for Hillary’s Obama-birther nonsense long after the point was moot…

  10. @ImaCarNow
    May 9th, 2016 @ 7:59 am

    FYI – I have it on good authority that Gunga was a named party in a lawsuit filed by a certain reputed billionaire…trying to pitch retirees out of their homes so that he could replace them with richer retirees…using eminent domain. So, if the guy loses based on that one single vote, well maybe he should have filed one less frivolous nuisance lawsuit that included people just because someone mentioned them in an email in 1995. It’s a little sad for me to see RSM back a guy who uses the tactics of the Speedway Bomber, but who can do it slightly more successfully because of his wealth. Youse makes yer choices and youse lives wit ’em.

  11. Steve Skubinna
    May 9th, 2016 @ 9:59 am

    Ah, I was thinking of Blue Dog Democrats.

    Lotta dogs in the Democrat Party. No wonder DWS looks like a confused Cocker Spaniel.

  12. Steve Skubinna
    May 9th, 2016 @ 10:13 am

    Bismarck said “politics is the art of the possible.”

    On the other hand, when Donald Rumsfeld made the obvious, true and matter of fact observation that you go to war with the army you have, not the army you want he was roundly excoriated as the Stoopedest Stoopedhed In The Worrrrrrrld!

  13. gunga
    May 9th, 2016 @ 11:28 am

    Not true, I was the Dean of Trump U. until I went to Las Vegas on a seminar…took my first sip of Trump Vodka…woke up in a bathtub without my kidneys and a note that read, “You’re Fired!”

  14. gunga
    May 9th, 2016 @ 11:35 am

    Congratulations on being a responsible citizen. Special bonus points if you’re a chick.