The Other McCain

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The Attitude

Posted on | March 8, 2018 | No Comments

Mike Damone explains ‘The Attitude.’

Why do some guys win with the ladies and some guys always lose? When I occasionally read the kind of “advice” (if you could call it that) emerging from the so-called “Manosphere,” sometimes I’m troubled by the mood of despair and resentment expressed by these congeries of losers. Let’s face it — if a guy’s really winning, he’s not going to have much time or patience for the endless blabber about “Alpha” vs. “Beta” males, and other pseudo-scientific Darwinian discourse endlessly rehashed among devotees of pickup artist (PUA) culture.

No, if a guy is really winning, he’s so busy with real-life women that he’s not going to spend hours on some PUA forum talking about women as theoretical abstractions. Nor should we expect that the winner would freely share the secrets of his success with losers. Like he’s a philanthropist or something? Being a happily married father of six (now with four grandkids), I could claim a certain expertise in this area, but what would be my motivation to give away this valuable knowledge to every guy with an Internet connection? From the perspective of Darwinian advantage, wouldn’t it behoove me to treat this expertise as a proprietary trade secret, which I share only with my sons? If my sons are winning (and trust me, they are) while so many of their male peers are losing, why should I do anything to clue in the losers? Nevertheless . . .

Because I am such a magnanimous benefactor of humanity, and because I’m sick and tired of reading feminist diatribes inspired by the lame pickup efforts of pathetic losers, I will offer some guidance to steer young men in the general direction of a clue. One of the great teen movies of the 1980s was Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and one of the best scenes in the movie was when nerdy Mark “The Rat” Ratner sought advice from Mike Damone about how to win his dream girl:

Damone: This is what you do — start from the minute you walk into biology. I mean, don’t just walk in. You move across the room. And you don’t talk to her. You use your face. You use your body. You use everything. That’s what I do. I mean I just send out this vibe and I have personally found that women do respond. I mean, something happens.
Ratner: Well, naturally something happens. I mean, you put the vibe out to 30 million chicks, something is gonna happen.
Damone: That’s the idea, Rat. That’s the attitude.
Ratner: The attitude?
Damone: Yeah! The attitude dictates that you don’t care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin’. Now when you got that, then you have the attitude.


Now, this is just a scene in a comedy film and (spoiler alert) Damone ultimately proves to be a disgusting swine, but important truths are being conveyed here. For starters, notice that Damone begins by telling Ratner not merely to walk, but to move across the room. A young man should learn to carry himself with a sense of poise and style. Good posture and a confident stride are impressive. So often, you can spot a loser merely by the way he stands and moves. The loser slumps and slouches and shuffles. The winner stands tall, and he walks like (a) he knows where he’s going, and (b) he doesn’t have all day to get there. Damone is telling Ratner to be conscious of the message he sends by the way he moves, to think of himself as a performer on a stage, so to speak.

Consistent with that strategy, Damone tells Ratner not to talk to the girl he’s seeking to impress, but rather to communicate his interest by subtle gestures — to “just send out this vibe.” Dear friends, if young men would only heed this advice, we would be spared so many feminist diatribes about the stupid things guys say to women. Here is a clue for you losers: Most women are smart enough to spot a guy who’s on the hunt and, let’s face it, the typical teenage boy is always on the hunt.

Because the teenage boy is typically in a state of perpetual horniness, Ratner would not be doing himself any favors by zooming in on his dream girl and awkwardly trying to strike up a conversation. She instantly knows what he’s doing the minute he makes a move like that, so Damone tells Ratner not to talk to her; instead, “send out this vibe” — a confident signal of availability — and see if she responds.

Ratner’s real problem here is that he’s obsessively focused on this one really cute girl in his biology class. This is what I call the “rifle” approach, as opposed to the “shotgun” strategy. Being obsessed with one girl like that is an almost guaranteed formula for failure.

Here’s another clue for you losers: The cute girl is cute, and every guy with two eyes can see this as well as you can. The question is not whether you are interested in her, but instead whether she is interested in you. And you’re never going to solve this problem by bulldozing in on her, trying to overwhelm her with your aggressive presence. Remember, she already knows you’re on the hunt — isn’t every young guy always on the hunt? — so if you go bulldozing in on her, as if she’s the only girl in the room (the “rifle” approach) what you’re conveying is that you’re desperate, a loser with no other options, and also potentially dangerous. She doesn’t know you from Adam’s housecat, and you could be an obsessive stalker or maybe even a serial killer, for all she knows.

Concept: The Peacock Strut.

In nature, it is generally the male who engages in display during the mating ritual. Strutting around with his brilliant plumage, the male peacock seeks to attract the interest of the female, instead of the other way around. Translating this to the situation of the high-school boy, Damone tells Ratner not merely to walk into biology class, but to move across the room, to “just send out this vibe and I have personally found that women do respond. I mean, something happens.”

Ratner is offended by this advice — he doesn’t want to “put the vibe out to 30 million chicks,” it’s just this one girl who’s his obsession.

Damone responds by explaining The Attitude as a posture of indifference — “you don’t care” how this particular girl responds. Why? Because “whatever happens, your toes are still tappin’,” which is to say, if a guy’s got his act together and he’s sending out “the vibe” everywhere he goes, he’s going to have no shortage of ladies responding to “the vibe.”

Now, having provided this insightful exegesis of The Attitude, I have already fulfilled my duty as a magnanimous benefactor of humanity. However, as a further gesture of generosity, I will extend this discourse beyond explaining the advice Damone shared with Rattner.

Concept: Stick and Move

Say you’re a young man attending a social gathering — e.g., a frat party — and you’re on the hunt, as young men always are. You’ve got your act together, and you’ve got The Attitude. You’re well-dressed, well-groomed, and you don’t just walk into the party, you move across the room.

In boxing, coaches tell fighters to “stick and move.” Don’t start the fight by plowing in and standing there slugging it out toe-to-toe, but throw a quick combination and keep moving. In the famous maxim of Muhammad Ali, “Float like a butterfly and sting like a bee.” So when you arrive at the party, you do not immediately go zooming in on one girl, but instead circulate around the event. See and be seen, exchange greetings and a bit of small talk with friends and introduce yourself to anyone you don’t know. Of course, as Damone says, you “send out this vibe” — you’re available for action — but you’re a busy man with places to go and friends to see, and the night is still young. You don’t want to get into a long conversation with any particular girl, just say a few friendly words and then circulate on around the room. “Stick and move,” see?

Concept: Money to Lose

Gambling is a bad habit, but if you ever go to a casino, the smart thing to do is to go in planning to lose a certain amount of money.

“Here’s $200 I’m going to lose tonight,” you say at the outset, and when that’s gone, it’s time to go home. Of course, there’s a possibility you could win big, but whatever you do, avoid the situation where you’re chasing your losses, going to the ATM machine to make withdrawals.

Likewise, if you’re a young man going to a social event and you’re on the hunt (as young men always are), it’s important to have some sort of limit, what you might think of as an “exit strategy.” As much as you might hope to score at the Kappa Sig bash on Thursday night, the more realistic scenario is that you’re going to strike out. This is where the “Money to Lose” concept will keep you from making a fool of yourself.

The Kappa Sig bash starts at 8 p.m., and you show up about 8:30 or 9, “fashionably late,” so the party’s had time to get going. Before you arrive, make up your mind that you’re not going to be (a) that dude who hangs around after midnight, desperately hoping to score, nor are you going to be (b) the dude who gets so totally hammered that he’s stumbling and staggering around like a fool before midnight. “Money to Lose” means you’re going to show up, circulate around, have a good time and leave before either (a) or (b) happens. Go into the game with a realistic understanding of odds. You show up at 9, circulate around a while — “stick and move” — and by 10 o’clock, you should have an idea of whether any of the girls at the party are responding to your vibe. So maybe you dance with a girl or two, and as 11 p.m. approaches, well, you’re a busy man with places to go and friends to see, right?

“You’re not leaving already?” she’ll ask, as you head toward the door.

“Yeah, I’ve got class in the morning,” you’ll say. “I’m just going over to [local late-night diner] and eat, then I gotta crash.”

Now, if this girl is really interested, she might decide to go with you to the diner. Alternatively, she might hang out at the party for another 30 minutes, then show up at the diner with her friends.

This is Advanced Stick-and-Move strategy, you see.

Well, I could continue this seminar, but there are limits to my philanthropic concern for humanity. What is really important is to prevent losers from totally ruining the game with their loser moves. Honestly, what the hell was Aziz Ansari thinking about with Abby Nierman? Dude’s a millionaire celebrity and he can’t make any better moves than that? But he was not the worst of the losers we’ve been forced to read about as a result of the #MeToo crusade. It’s apparent that a lot of guys have not properly learned The Attitude, the essential key to which is this: A guy’s got to know how, and when, to walk away.

Louis C.K.? What a pathetic loser! Harvey Weinstein? Loser!

If you can’t play the game any better than that, don’t play at all.

However, if you’re total loser, don’t go into some “Manosphere” forum and blame women for your problems. There are always plenty of opportunities out there in the world for any guy who’s got his act together, and if you’re a Creepy Little Weirdo, whose fault is that?


“You girls have never been attracted to me. I don’t know why you girls aren’t attracted to me but I will punish you all for it. It’s an injustice, a crime because I don’t know what you don’t see in me, I’m the perfect guy and yet you throw yourselves at all these obnoxious men instead of me, the supreme gentleman. I will punish all of you for it.”

Yeah, “the supreme gentleman,” he called himself. Supreme loser, more like it, and nothing says “loser” more than the resentful self-pitying attitude of a guy who blames women for his failure. All this “Alpha” vs. “Beta” gibberish spewed out on these PUA boards — what’s the point of talking about Darwinian social theory when so many young guys can’t even seem to figure out the simplest basics of how to walk and talk?

Sex is not differential calculus. You don’t have to be a genius to figure out how this game works, but you have to pay attention when someone who understands the game tries to explain it to you. The problem with most losers (and “the supreme gentleman” was a textbook example) is that they are as arrogant as they are ignorant. When someone who understands the game tries to tell them how to play, they get offended like Rattner did when Damone gave him that excellent advice. Instead of confronting their own ineptitude, and accepting responsibility for the own failure, the losers wallow in self-pity and blame women.

“I don’t know why you girls aren’t attracted to me! It’s an injustice!”


If you don’t want to be a loser, you’ve got to get The Attitude.

Also, you should hit the freaking tip jar. What am I? A philanthropist?