The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Bigger Breasts: By Any Means Necessary?

Posted on | March 22, 2011 | 20 Comments

Professor Glenn Reynolds has called our attention to a New York Times story reporting that breast-enhancement surgery is becoming more and more popular — a 40% increase in the number of such surgeries during the past decade, with more than 300,000 women undergoing such procedures in 2010.

While I have not consulted my colleague Dan Collins (co-founder of the world-renowned Collins-McCain Institute for Therapeutic Breast Staring) I must say that I personally oppose this trend.

Although particularly large breasts are most often prescribed for men in need of breast-staring therapy — and seem to be preferred by many undiagnosed patients who are, as they say, “self-medicating” — artificial enhancement tends to diminish the therapeutic effect.

We at the Institute appreciate the evident desire of women to contribute to men’s cardiovascular health by providing larger breasts for the purposes of therapeutic staring. However, it is my concern that men seeking treatment might mistakenly stare at these silicone-adulterated fakies, believing themselves to be receiving a large therapeutic dosage, and thereby in actuality under-dose themselves. This could put men at serious risk of cardiac trauma.

Therefore, I have long campaigned to discourage breast-enhancement surgery. While a trend away from mammoplasty — a return to the natural order, breast-wise — will likely lead to a relative scarcity of extra-large breasts, our patients will be able to compensate for the resulting shortage of C- and D-cups by staring twice as long at A- and B-cups.

We thank you for your cooperation!


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