Axelrod Interviewed By Strolling Drone

Posted on | April 30, 2012 | 16 Comments

by Sissypuss the Blog Kitty

[Strolling Drone correspondent Sissypuss interviewed former Obama Administration political guru David Axelrod for its June 01, 2013 edition. This is a wide-ranging retrospective look at the Meltdown of 2012, the fallout from that, and what he’s been doing since he gave up politics in June 2012 for the other love of his life, rock’n’roll, and his band “Confiscated Guns & Subsidized Roses”]

Sissypuss:David, my man: how the heck are ya? You look like you have actually slept in the last few weeks.

Axelrod: Yeah, I’m glad I bailed when I did. Valerie Jarrett is still doing the Syd Barrettthing, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

S: Well, she wasout there, even before the Meltdown. But that kind of thing doesn’t just happen. What was your first sign that there was a problem?

A: I’d have to point to Sandra Fluke. We had laid set up the play as early as the January GOP debate. But when we handed the ball to Sandra Fluke, it all went sideways. We lost the tempo.S: Limbaugh. . .

All he had to do was keep the stonewalling going, and ride out the term. Easy as tears out of Boehner.

A: Yeah, I still haven’t figured out whether Rush deliberately threw out some bait for us, of if he actually screwed up by calling Fluke the word that rhymes with mutt, and then just recovered masterfully. Either way, he’s a genius. [Deep breath] Wow, I can say that now.

S: And then the Trayvon Martin tragedy.

A: God, it’s all coming back. We so badly didn’t want that crisis to go to waste. And so we rolled out all of the usual susptects; Jackson. . .Sharpton. . .the media. We knew the facts were a little off, but the facts kept piling up against us. Those sound edits were killers.

S:Like George Zimmerman?

A:No, the editors were deliberate.

S: And so, by mid-April 2012, you decided to shift fire to Ann Romney.

A: Yeah, the Rosen flaplooked like it was going to be a productive distraction, but we really got pooched.

S: I can never bring myself to mourn for a dead dog, even Old Yeller.

. . .well, let’s just say pretty much the whole White House was putting Prozac on their Wheaties just to get in to work in the morning.

A: That sure was a wakeup call for even Plouffe and Jarrett. When you look at the amount of derision poured out against Barack over the infamous Scooby snack, that was when people on the re-election team started to wonder if the tempo could be recovered. Gaffes happen in every campaign. You look for your moment to recover. We never did, and late April was when the situation was last thought to be recoverable.

S: Holder. . .

A: Yeah, who knew he would lose his s**t like that?

S: Matthews said he got a little upset in makeup on Hardball, threw a coffee cup. . .

A: Well, it was the looming contempt of Congress memo. Thursday the 10th of May, 2012. Who could forget? Holder was going to go on Matthews, with his usual song and dance and pitiful whine about workin’ hard, tryin’ to get evidence to Congress, and Darrell Issa’s all beating him up, as a black man–standard race play–when he just crumbled. Total freaking meltdown, hauled out in the I-love-me jacket.

S: He was officially hospitalized for hypertension. . .

A: I can’t figure out why. He had a signed pardon memo from Obama in his safe. Wouldn’t even initiate Fast & Furious without the ‘get out of jail free’ card. All he had to do was keep the stonewalling going, and ride out the term. Easy as tears out of Boehner. I guess he looked up and saw vultures along with the black helicopters.

S: So, what was the mood in the White House like?

A: Well, Holder was such a weasel, not to mention a Clinton holdover, that some tried to put a pretty face on the debacle. They said we were better off without him, not knowing how we were going to find another spineless tool to ooze into his position, and get him through the Senate. But by then the Supreme Court was looming large, as their decisions were due in June.

S: They made a lot of hay out of the Arizona SB 1070 decision, and then the ObamaCare, out in the Righty blogs, didn’t they?

A: And Fox. And talk radio. And every American email inbox. Either rebuke would have been huge, but, SB 1070, so soon after Holder, and then ObamaCare. . .well, let’s just say pretty much the whole White House was putting Prozac on their Wheaties just to get in to work in the morning. You can tart it up any way you want, but that was a shellacking, and there wasn’t any point in trying to spin it, so we just took the weekend off.

S: There was that bit about the South American nanny lady found wandering Wisconsin Avenue. . .

A: Oh, absolutely, that was Nancy Pelosi. She couldn’t deal with the realization that her historic tenure as the first female Speaker of the House had just gone under a big bus, driven by a Sicilian dude with a smile and the five fingers of his right hand in front of his chin. She totally tied one on, rather than deal with it, and found herself wandering aimlessly. That was a hard one to bury, given that she’s easily in the top five most despised Democrats.

S: But the hits just kept on coming. . .

A: Oh yes they did! By June, with the GOP convention looming in two months, and then our convention in Charlotte in September, it was down to crunch time on whether we were keeping Obama, or punting him in favor of the obvious Hillary.

S: Yeah, but no one figured you’d give up the incumbent advantage. Look at all the taxpayer-funded campaigning Barack was doing. . .

A: Look, guys like Soros and the other plutocrats buy and sell politicians for sport. But they don’t like to lose. And Barack was acquiring a bit of a chife by June. And so the private planes, yachts, and submarines gathered at Martha’s Vineyard, as is their wont, and the decision was made to pull the plug on the whole Chicago-on-the-Potomac project.

S: And, of course, that meant you were out, as well.

A: You know, after Rahm Emmanuel left, the Obama Administration was more or less a drunken garage band trying to play Tom Sawyer. And the big boys knew it.

S: And you immortalized the scene on your first album Appetite for Taxation?

A: Indeed, and I’ll treat you to it on this here acoustic guitar:

“The Night They Drove Obama Down”

Axelrod is the name, I served in Barack’s Admin.
The Bushes came and tore up the economy again.
In the spring of 2012 we were frantic, just barely alive.
By June the tenth Obama had fell it’s a time I remember so well.

[Chorus]
The night they drove Obama down and the Fox was ringin’,
The night they drove Obama down and the blogs were singin’,
They went ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Back home in Chicago-land my wife called out for me.
Say David come quick and see–it’s indictment twenty-three.
I don’t mind Rod Blago and I don’t care what the special prosecutor know.
You take what you thieve and blame the rest but they should never have scapegoated the best.

[Chorus]

Like Barack’s father before him, he was a Commie man.
Like Socialists above him, he took a collectivist stand.
He was fifty-one, bin Laden-brave, when the plutocrats laid him in a political ‘grave’.
I swear by the Guccis beneath my feet you can’t raise a campaign back up when it’s in defeat. . .

[Chorus]

A hearty THANK YOU to Political Clown Parade for graphics support!

Update: graciously linked at The Camp of the Saints.

Category: Barack Obama, Democrats, Farce

Comments

16 Responses to “Axelrod Interviewed By Strolling Drone”

Bruce
April 30th, 2012 @ 7:42 am

Dude, great futuristic reality stuff. The Syd Barrett thing? Oh I DO know what you mean there, all Interstellar Overdrive.
Bob Belvedere
April 30th, 2012 @ 7:52 am

Ouch! All that ROTFLMAO hurts.
Anamika
April 30th, 2012 @ 8:03 am

tl; had difficulty reading, but keep dreaming and fantasizing about Obama’s “inevitable” defeat. That’s exactly what we want. Imagine the irony of this post if Obama wins the election and it would be my pleasure to remind you — Smitty — of your delusionary post and rub the salt in your wound.
smitty
April 30th, 2012 @ 8:58 am

Laugh, Anamika: laugh. It’s a joke.
A.Men
April 30th, 2012 @ 9:23 am

What’s the diffence between obama and a purebred dog?

Purebred has his papers and knows who his father is!
Gus_Bailey
April 30th, 2012 @ 9:32 am

Oh if only we could see this in print after 6/10/12.
richard mcenroe
April 30th, 2012 @ 10:01 am

Also, purebred with Bearnaise sauce… *kisses fingers*

Obama… *throws away mouldy take-out box.*

Romney: “Hey, we had two boxes of take-out…”
Evi L. Bloggerlady
April 30th, 2012 @ 10:05 am

Funny. I was thinking that was like Sons of Anarchy…only a very gay metrosexual version of it.
ThePaganTemple
April 30th, 2012 @ 10:48 am

That’s coming next year. Jimmy Smits has signed on for next season.
Christy Waters
April 30th, 2012 @ 10:49 am

As a graphic designer, I love the photoshopping. LOL!
ThePaganTemple
April 30th, 2012 @ 10:52 am

She’s from Eastern Europe. To them a joke is when they ask you to lend them a hand, then cut your hand off.
I Swear By The Guccis Below My Feet… « The Camp Of The Saints
April 30th, 2012 @ 11:00 am

[…] I urge you to take the time to click here and read the whole interview, so that, like me, you will get your needed medicinal fix and be able to carry on the fight against the Doctor Feel Goods. Share this:TwitterEmailFacebookMoreStumbleUponRedditDiggLike this:LikeBe the first to like this post. from → Barack Hussein Obama, David Axelrod, Elections 2012, Humor, Smitty ← Rule 5 Saturday No comments yet […]
Bob Belvedere
May 1st, 2012 @ 8:46 am

I gave you a ‘Like’, Pagan, but, I must say, Mr. Smits was quite impressive as a macho Cuban, serial killer DA on Dexter a few seasons ago.
Obama Administration Has Progressed Far Beyond ‘Conservative Lemmings’ : The Other McCain
May 1st, 2012 @ 10:56 am

[…] balkanized little chunks from which to extract political energy. In response to yesterday’s Axelrod post, The Lid offered:These Commies do view society as their little frackable flock of sheep.Update: […]
ThePaganTemple
May 1st, 2012 @ 12:44 pm

Unfortunately, I don’t get those premium channels, so I missed that. I have read different takes on it, though, some good some bad. Some people say he ruined the season.

Sons of Anarchy is one of my favorite current shows, but it is flawed. For example, who ever heard of a motorcycle gang struggling with their collective consciences over selling drugs? Shit, Jax doesn’t even seem to like it that they sell guns. That kind of stuff is the bread and butter to most motorcycle gangs.

When I heard Smits was on board for next season, I wondered if this might herald a path further down the road to PC world. After seeing his portrayal of a “conservative” Supreme Court Justice in “Outlaw”, which I watched once and once only, it left a bad impression of him.
Bob Belvedere
May 1st, 2012 @ 1:09 pm

And rightfully so – that show was a joke.