The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Like a Jeff Foxworthy Joke

Posted on | July 25, 2012 | 30 Comments

“You might be a redneck if …”

Richmond Co. Sheriff’s Office investigators say 36 year old William Bonner of Thomson was highly intoxicated late Friday night, and had a friend pour a shot of high-proof alcohol, Bacardi 151, over his head, then another friend set him ablaze. . . .
“He actually bet the people he was with that he could do this,” says RCSO Investigator Lt. Blaise Dresser.
It happened near the bar’s darts area, and witnesses say when they realized what was actually going on, the ordeal was over.
“Pretty much confusion,” says Adam Harden as he describes the scene. “I mean, not knowing what’s going on, what’s going to happen, what are we going to do. Then somebody drenched him out.”
Bonner was on fire for 10 full seconds before the flames were extinguished.
“It was the longest ten seconds you could think of,” says Harden, who stood just feet away when the flames erupted.
As Bonner burned, everyone in the crowded bar watched in stunned silence.
“All of us just stopped,” says Harden. . . .
Bonner ran around, trying to pat out the flames. After the fire was out, he walked out of the bar.
“His face was red, real glistening almost,” says Birmingham. “It had the consistency of melted plastic. It didn’t look good at all.”

Allahpundit headlined this, “Dude,” as if it were amazing, but I actually know guys like that down home. This incident is a manifestation of Southern honor culture — the double-dog-dare-ya impulse, the wild appetite for risk, the sense that one’s manhood is at stake in any challenge. Southerners are a people whose idea of a sport is driving bumper-to-bumper 190 mph into the third turn at Daytona.

And if you hit the wall, so what?

Dale Earnhardt is an immortal legend down home, for basically the same reason a guy lights his head on fire to win a bar bet.

William Bonner won the bet and walked out of the bar. The burns are probably superficial and he’ll be telling that story the rest of his life.

Thank God for rednecks. They make America a great country.


30 Responses to “Like a Jeff Foxworthy Joke”

  1. Bob Belvedere
    July 25th, 2012 @ 7:35 am

    God Bless the Scots-Irish.

    It’s that culture that has filled the glorious ranks of our military for over two centuries.

    [I’m honored to have some of that blood flowing through my veins.]

  2. Bob Belvedere
    July 25th, 2012 @ 7:36 am

    And kudos to Mr. Bonner for not wasting any bourbon in his pursuit of Honor!

  3. Adjoran
    July 25th, 2012 @ 7:49 am

    If somebody doused him with a pitcher of beer as soon as he lit up, maybe his burns would have been “superficial.”  Ten seconds of burning grain alcohol is getting into third degree territory. 

    He’s lucky to be alive and have his sight.  But with any luck this idiot will earn his Darwin Award before he pollutes the gene pool.

  4. PaulLemmen
    July 25th, 2012 @ 7:52 am

    You made me snarf coffee through my nose Stacy! This is part of what makes America great, the willingness to see things through, the never-quit attitude that has won so many battles for us. Of course, this is an extreme example, however, one can witness this type of behavior in almost any bar, any night of the week, south of the Mason-Dixon line. I pray Mr. Bonner heals quickly and gets more than a few free drinks as a result of his story …

  5. PaulLemmen
    July 25th, 2012 @ 7:53 am

    Amen to that! That would be alcohol abuse!

  6. Anamika
    July 25th, 2012 @ 7:54 am

    If there’s anything more disgusting than a tobacco-chewing American redneck who thinks culture is for decadent fops with penis envy, it’s an ignorant Euro-snob with delusions of epitiomizing “a civilized society.”

  7. JenniferInChrist
    July 25th, 2012 @ 8:12 am

    From what I have read, most of Florida much south of Jacksonville or Tallahassee is considered too far south to be the “deep south” of the US. There certainly are hard core rednecks, though, and speaking as someone who has only been here for 7 years, a Florida redneck is a whole lot drunker and crazier a midwestern redneck. It reminds me of something an old western cowboy wrote of the Florida cowboys and ranches. I can’t remember it all, but mean beady eyes, mostly drunk all the time, and a general lack of enthusiasm comes to mind.

    My sister has lived in Sarasota for 30 years and can remember when a major road called Cattleman was actually a dirt road through a ranch, and an expensive area of homes and condos called Palmer Ranch was the big cattle ranch of the Palmers. There is still a little city owned field in the middle of town where longhorn cattle are left to graze. Sadly, though, even I can remember when you could drive up and down the Tamiami Trail and look at the pretty gulf. Now, almost all you can see are buildings, lots of them empty condos built by people who are now unemployed….hey, no wonder Floridians are sad.

  8. PaulLemmen
    July 25th, 2012 @ 8:13 am

    That Irish blood does strange things to folks. At Christmas time in 1981 the HMS Sheffield docked at the Port of Tampa on a goodwill visit. At that time I was a frequent patron of a small Irish pub on St. Pete Beach, The Harp and Thistle. Quite a few members of the crew made their way to the old Harp and a good natured rivalry developed between the crew and the regulars, resulting in a challenge by me that I could out-drink any six RN sailors. The challenge began at 11 AM and the Brit team, led by a fellow who went by the nickname of “Stonker” leapt into the lead, 12 pints of Guinness to my 3. Over time, I pulled abreast and eventually, at 2 AM the tally stood at 36 pints for me and 35 pints for the team from HMS Sheffield. Irish honor was vindicated.
    Sadly, a few months later, the HMS Sheffield was lost in the Falklands conflict.

  9. Quartermaster
    July 25th, 2012 @ 8:15 am

    Yes, there is something far more disgusting. Decadent libtards with delusions about culture, suffer penis envy and that are disgusted with Red Necks are far more disgusting. Such people have no honor and are filled with hubris.

  10. Anamika
    July 25th, 2012 @ 8:35 am

    Floridians are sad.


    “We put America on the therapist’s couch and discovered that not only is
    St. Petersburg our Saddest City, but Florida in general seems to be a
    depressing place to live.”

    Almost all of Florida’s major cities were at the top of the list. Sarasota isn’t likely to be big enough to be included and wasn’t mentioned.

    I lived for a few months in Jville, i don’t know if it is so generally ‘unhappy’, but it’s very red and Baptist, so that has something to do with it, surely.

    But why? Well, some of us around there used to call it the elusive ‘J-Factor’.

    Other than the nature, and the weather, I found it somewhat uninspiring, although there were enclaves here and there.

    But it is nothing like Asheville, NC, where you have the rightwing religious faction coexisting very well with the bohemian progressive bunch, and in equal numbers.

    In the final analysis, wherever you go, there you are.

  11. jwallin
    July 25th, 2012 @ 8:41 am

    What exactly was the bet? That he could light himself on fire and walk out on his own? Or that he could melt his face without screaming?

    There’s calculated risk and then there’s just bloody stupid risk.

    Of course, I don’t win any bar bets. (nor do I make them)

    That doesn’t mean I haven’t done some dangerous acts for no reason other than I wanted to. (or as the mountaineers say; “because it was there”)

    Mr. Flame is not my friend. Mr. Electricity and Mr. Motorcycle are.

  12. richard mcenroe
    July 25th, 2012 @ 10:37 am

    “Southerners are a people whose idea of a sport is driving bumper-to-bumper 190 mph into the third turn at Daytona.And if you hit the wall, so what?”

    Hell, I could do that…

  13. richard mcenroe
    July 25th, 2012 @ 10:41 am

     The first rule of responsible motorcycling is, make sure your chest cushions the bike’s fall.  Ribs knit, dings in the gas tank cost money to pull.

    And remember there are 3 kinds of rider:

    1. Riders who have fallen.
    2. Riders who are going to fall.
    3. And riders who lie about not being in category #1.

  14. Finrod Felagund
    July 25th, 2012 @ 11:04 am

    Having grown up in Indiana during the heyday of the Indy 500, 190 mph doesn’t impress me.  240 mph?  That’s impressive.

  15. jwallin
    July 25th, 2012 @ 11:47 am

    So true. After riding for a while, I was told that I would soon dump the bike. I of course protested that I now had so much more experience at handling the bike that it seemed LESS likely that I would dump it.

    That’s when they told me “yeah. And now that you think you’ve got it down pat, you’re going faster and driving less cautiously and getting into tighter situations.”

    At which point I shut up.

    (and I did soon after dump the bike. luckily I only dinged the bike and not me but I still have a twinge or two when the weather’s right.)

  16. jwallin
    July 25th, 2012 @ 11:48 am

    Florida Rednecks are a different breed. It’s the bugs and the gators I think.

  17. richard mcenroe
    July 25th, 2012 @ 2:56 pm

     Well, 190 three-wide would get even an Indy driver’s attention, I think…

  18. Mike G.
    July 25th, 2012 @ 4:03 pm

    Made a $ 20 bet with a buddy once that he couldn’t eat a live Salamander. He tried, oh how he tried, but that damn Salamander just wouldn’t cooperate.

  19. JeffS
    July 25th, 2012 @ 5:23 pm

    Such people — and I place Anamika at the top of the list — are bigots, and deserve every bit of the ridicule and disdain heaped upon their point heads.

    The fact that they are hypocrites as well is merely gravy. 

  20. Red
    July 25th, 2012 @ 5:37 pm

    Gah! Thank goodness 😛

  21. Phil in Englewood
    July 25th, 2012 @ 9:25 pm

    Remember, the most famous last words in the South are, “Hey, y’all, watch this!”

  22. It Does Bring Up An Old Joke About Crossing the Street, Though | Daily Pundit
    July 25th, 2012 @ 10:31 pm

    […] An Old Joke About Crossing the Street, Though Posted on July 25, 2012 7:31 pm by Bill Quick Like a Jeff Foxworthy Joke : The Other McCain This incident is a manifestation of Southern honor culture — the double-dog-dare-ya […]

  23. Bob Belvedere
    July 26th, 2012 @ 7:29 am

    Notice how Jennifer has the same thought process as Anamika/gg???

  24. Quartermaster
    July 26th, 2012 @ 8:05 am

    Anamika is sad, but that has nothing to do with emotion. I can understand why Anamika would have problems with Jax. It’s been was Navy town for a long time and most Navy people are happy. Christians also tend to be happy. I can understand why Anamika would have a problem with people that are military and/or Christian given how sad she truly is.

    Sad as in “Sad Sack.”

  25. Quartermaster
    July 26th, 2012 @ 8:07 am

    You left out the preamble: “Hold my beer and….”

  26. Bob Belvedere
    July 26th, 2012 @ 8:25 am

    Perhaps the phrase ‘Sad Suck’ is more fitting?

  27. Zilla of the Resistance
    July 26th, 2012 @ 8:48 am

    It’s NOT a Southern thing or even a hick thing, it’s a STUPID thing and a DRUNK thing. I have seen old friends of mine do this on more than one occasion, and I am in New York. 

  28. JeffS
    July 26th, 2012 @ 9:46 am

     Sock puppetry is often the last resort of incompetent trolls.

  29. JenniferInChrist
    July 26th, 2012 @ 10:10 am

    There is love in nature. Humans are part of the natural world. Rednecks can be equally happy and capable of spreading love in their own way.  I can offer two examples from the hard country in which I live.  (The me-I-am-not-really has been poor and despised my whole life and have traveled only by beater and converted m/c garage-school bus across the North American continent. )

    My neighbor and his cows.  He goes hermantile if a baby calf has problems, and the time one died he was inconsolable for a week.  Is it instinctual then, to protect newborns, even when they are headed for the abattoir?  It’s a hobby for him, he builds roads and bridges for the government for money and a harder womanizer you will never find, but he seems to “love” baby cows, and then there’s his inexplicable feeding of feral cats.

    This guy is uneducated, redneck back, suspicious and accusatory of all that is feminine but he feeds a colony of ferals, and gets exercised over drama with their babies.  I am using the vernacular of my locale, all newborns are babies out here.  Bovine, feline, human – whatever.

  30. JenniferInChrist
    July 26th, 2012 @ 10:33 am

    I’m not a sock puppet to “Anamika/gg”or anyone else. I speak for myself. Why would you make such an accusation on an open forum if you are not pretty sure? Its one thing to call someone a troll but this is totally another thing. Its like someone stole your identity and you became a zombie–dehumanizing. You can hope I go away but you can’t bully me into silence.

    btw thanks for taking time to post your thoughts on the “You Didn’t Build That” thread. I have replied.