The Other McCain

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Your Vagina Is Sudetenland, and Other Helpful Advice for Young Ladies

Posted on | August 12, 2013 | 102 Comments

Pete Da Tech Guy calls attention to my comment yesterday about the totalitarian impulse of the boner: Young women who think they can negotiate with the erect penis are in a situation very much like Neville Chamberlain trying to appease Hitler.

All wise young ladies understand this and, with thousands of young ladies about to head off to college as freshmen, there is no better time to remember this valuable lesson. That nice well-mannered college boy you just met? He may seem harmless, but his penis is an SS Panzer division, ready to conquer lebensraum for the volksreich.

Unless a woman is willing to cede her territorial sovereignty — sexual anschluss, as it were — she must strive to avoid diplomatic isolation: Don’t ever let yourself be maneuvered into being “alone together” with any guy you don’t plan to have sex with. If you’re attending a college with coed dorms, either insist on off-campus housing, or transfer to another school. Coed dorms are taxpayer-funded rape factories.

A college girl might as well cuddle up with a rattlesnake as to assume she can trust a 19-year-old-boy to respect her. Are there decent and trustworthy 19-year-old guys out there? Sure, but they look exactly like every other adolescent creep, and the minute you get one of them aroused, there isn’t much difference between (a) the mild-mannered “nice guy” and (b) every other teenage rapist on the planet.

Here’s my advice, ladies: Don’t just play hard to get, be hard to get.

Be as fiercely independent as Switzerland.

Did I ever mention that my eldest daughter got married about two months after she graduated college? You could ask her (or her husband) the entire story of how that happened, but one Christmas he gave her pearls when she had been expecting a diamond, so she broke up with him. As much as she cared for him, she was willing to walk away rather than to be kept dangling on a vague hope of a promise.

They were married about a year-and-half later.

Think about it,  and don’t let those Panzers near your border.



102 Responses to “Your Vagina Is Sudetenland, and Other Helpful Advice for Young Ladies”

  1. David Ferguson
    August 15th, 2013 @ 5:05 pm

    But would you, theoretically, already have had sex with that young lady?

  2. anonymous
    August 16th, 2013 @ 9:55 pm

    It wouldn’t make a difference, if she is going to be that manipulative I’m out. Otherwise all you are going to get is a lifetime of Jerry Springer games.