The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Apparently, Hamilton College Girls Don’t Know How to Have Orgasms, Either

Posted on | September 26, 2013 | 68 Comments

Doug Hagin accused me of gratuitously invoking “Roll, Tide” yesterday when I pointed out that tuition at Hamilton College in Clinton, N.Y., is $45,620 a year, compared to $9,450 a year for in-state students ($23,950 for out-of-state) at the University of Alabama. My point was, why would anyone spend all that money to attend a snooty liberal arts college up north, when they could save money by attending the finest school in Dixie with the finest football team in the world?

In addition to bad weather, a sorry football team — Hamilton lost to 23-7 to Amherst — and not knowing the difference between segregation and “diversity,” it appears that Hamilton College’s problems also include coeds who don’t know how to have orgasms:

A small, prestigious liberal arts school in New York is set to host and fund a workshop on orgasms for undergrads on Monday.
Hamilton College will host an orgasm workshop on Monday.
The workshop, hosted by Hamilton College’s Womyn’s Center, will teach “everything from multiple orgasms to that mysterious G-spot,” according to its official description, and is is open to male and female students.
“Whether you want to learn how to have your first orgasm, how to have better ones, or how to help your girlfriend, Maggie and Marshall cover it all,” [says] the event description on the Womyn’s Center’s Facebook page.
“Maggie and Marshall,” Marshall Miller and Maggie Keenan-Bolger, are the two “sex educators” who teach the workshop.
The exact price that the school paid for the workshop is unknown, however, the University of Minnesota, Twin Cities, paid $3,406 to host the same workshop earlier this year. . . .
The workshop is put on by Sex Discussed Here!, an organization that teaches sex education to college students.

Now, I’m tempted to suggest Hamilton girls are so stupid they can’t even find their own vaginas, but research indicates that Hamilton only admits undergraduates with high SAT scores. So maybe the problem is the inferior quality of male students at Hamilton.

Face it, ladies: Those nerdy wimps with straight-A averages don’t necessarily get your juices flowing and, if we can use the anemic record of Hamilton’s football team as a barometer of the general manliness of your student body . . . Well, there’s your problem, see?

Y’all head on down to Tuscaloosa, and they’ll fix you right up.

Roll, Tide!



68 Responses to “Apparently, Hamilton College Girls Don’t Know How to Have Orgasms, Either”

  1. Dianna Deeley
    September 26th, 2013 @ 11:05 pm

    We might, but I suspect you of dead-pan humor, here.

  2. slp
    September 26th, 2013 @ 11:33 pm

    Not necessarily, but, of course, that is between you and your wife.

    My wife and I have three beautiful children, but I would sure would like to learn everything from multiple orgasms to that mysterious G-spot.

  3. Dianna Deeley
    September 27th, 2013 @ 12:12 am

    I am, just now, realizing that my mind is extraordinarily filthy. Every single comment I was going to make had levels that made me blush, so all I can say is, “Have fun with experimentation, and, please, don’t tell us about it.”

  4. Dianna Deeley
    September 27th, 2013 @ 12:13 am

    Cleave, if you don’t mind. Cleft implies it happened some time ago.

  5. Dianna Deeley
    September 27th, 2013 @ 12:14 am

    Not clicking. Not.

  6. Finrod Felagund
    September 27th, 2013 @ 1:17 am

    Enh. My liberal arts alma mater routinely gets awesome academics rankings, and they started their football season this year winning 69-0 and 50-13, with an enrollment of 850.

  7. Finrod Felagund
    September 27th, 2013 @ 1:29 am

    My grandfather used to say: “If you can’t be good, be careful.”

  8. Finrod Felagund
    September 27th, 2013 @ 1:40 am

    Reminds me of a bad movie myself and friends were watching many years ago. Set in ye olde ancient times, the warrior thanks to a spell or some such plot device was invisible, and the woman seducing him when she finds his manhood exclaims:

    “The gods be praised, it’s like an iron salami!”

    We ended up missing the next five minutes of the movie literally rolling on the floor laughing.

  9. Adjoran
    September 27th, 2013 @ 2:11 am

    Some schools concentrate on football. Some on education. Not many students are going to cut orgasm class, I’m guessing. [Note to Alabama football team members who may be confused: I know you understand orgasm; the concept of “class” is one you don’t have to worry about, it’s like “free time”].

    Maggie and Marshall sound like fun instructors.

  10. JadedByPolitics
    September 27th, 2013 @ 6:13 am

    Apparently, Hamilton College Girls Don’t Know How to Have Orgasms, Either ROTFLMAO! made of teh awesome!

  11. LeatherPenguin
    September 27th, 2013 @ 7:38 am

    •Ineffably brutal• @rsmccain: “Now, I’m tempted to suggest Hamilton girls are so stupid they can’t even find…

  12. rmnixondeceased
    September 27th, 2013 @ 7:40 am

    Proper English in a moment of passion? In today’s society? (Besides, I have been dead for awhile …)

  13. rmnixondeceased
    September 27th, 2013 @ 7:44 am

    🙂 I can see it now, Dead Dick Nixon, Proessor Emeritus, Department of Vajayjays, Whoopie and Hmnahmnahmna …

  14. Art Deco
    September 27th, 2013 @ 8:08 am

    Oh, but the trick is to maintain the lunacy the administration (and influential faculty) want without riling the donors or attracting the mockery of the newspapers. Rebecca Chopp knew how to pull that off at Colgate, whereas the crew in charge at Hamilton did not. Hamilton did things that were exhibitionistically asinine, such as kicking Robert Paquette and the Alexander Hamilton Center off campus or hiring an ‘artist/activist in residence’ who had no academic credentials. Chopp would never bother about Republicans on the faculty: the older ones will all retire within ten years and the younger ones will be denied tenure. There aren’t any in-between except the open-borders libertarian in the economics department, so why get your knickers in a twist about it? Oh, and do not compromise on credentials: patronage for political sectaries is to be distributed only to people with the proper degrees (even if in a completely irrelevant subject). The alumni are easy marks if you are not a complete jackass.

  15. rmnixondeceased
    September 27th, 2013 @ 8:40 am

    As a non-credit after school (usually) intra-mural contact sport …

  16. robertstacymccain
    September 27th, 2013 @ 10:54 am

    Terrible thing what happened to your tree, Auburn.

  17. Hot Women Who Love Cory Booker: And By Love, I Mean Rand McNally | Regular Right Guy
    September 27th, 2013 @ 1:48 pm

    […] Apparently, Hamilton College Girls Don’t Know How to Have Orgasms, Either […]

  18. Fareedi al Laayla al Qakhaul
    September 27th, 2013 @ 1:50 pm

    You do realise, these fantasies of yours, Dick, aren’t helping in getting you out of Purgatory, don’t you?