Less-Than-Surprising Praise

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To say @AlisonWillmore enjoyed the new Reese Witherspoon movie is like saying a 13-year-old boy enjoys masturbation.

Reese Witherspoon Plays The Year’s Most
Satisfying Female Character In “Wild”

The headline was sufficiently orgasmic I actually tried to read Ms. Willmore’s gooey wetness of a review and gathered that Wild is one of those dull movies my girlfriends would talk me into going to see thirty years ago, like Out of Africa. Meryl Streep has spent her entire career starring in movies that no heterosexual man would choose to watch. Any man who has ever seen a Meryl Streep movie was either gay, or else he watched it to make his girlfriend happy. It’s really sad to think Reese Witherspoon is heading that direction.

So I read though Alison Willmore’s long, slow arousal of a review, which reaches its cathartic spasm in the penultimate paragraph:

Wild slips in and out of Cheryl’s past and present, but its point of view is always firmly female, showing what it’s like to be a woman by yourself on the road. A stranger encountered on the way is probably a friendly face, but always merits wariness too, sometimes justified. Cheryl tends to get some extra help as one of the few women on the trail, but also has to put up with unwanted overtures. A scene in which she encounters a flirty ranger speaks volumes without shouting, and when she at one point says she’s a feminist, it’s a welcome declaration, but one that’s already been made clear in word and action long before.

Empowerment! Equality! A tedious waste of an hour and 45 minutes!

 

74 comments

  1. My attempt at humor at Ace’s was regarding the stupid, 3-D “portrait” of the yellow prince. I wrote:

    “Looks like the Plaster Casters talked Obama into just sticking the head in”

    Or something like that. My decayed brane cellz from the sixties thought it was funnay.

  2. Looks like another series I never knew existed. That happens to me a lot. For example, I’ve never seen an episode of “Friends.” (I wasn’t aware the show existed until the internet memes built up to a point where you couldn’t not know.)

  4. Same here. If I can’t hit pause about ten times in a movie, or occasionally go back and see something I missed, I don’t even wanna watch it.

    I like to freshen my drink, and also make room for more drinks. Also go wash a few dishes and make snack plates. And then dessert. And more drinks.

  5. The object of being in the wilderness is to not be uncomfortable. The object is to be as comfortable as possible under the circumstances. It’s not about masochism. It’s about taming the wild. Bourbon, Gruyere and a decent baguette demonstrate that in spades.

    And dare I say, 99% of the self-described “environmentalists” have never actually spent time out in the environment relying upon their own wits and resources to get back to the eff-ing car. They’re too busy bitching about the foie gras to actually go outside.

  9. I like when Hollyweird occasionally parodies itself: Tropic Thunder and Bowfinger come to mind. And of course, Sunset Boulevard is the grand dame of them all (although that is almost a docu-drama).

  11. Haven’t seen them. I saw The Player, but I think it was a bit too “on the nose” to even be a parody.

  13. Ben Hur and the those two Godfather movies were great. I’ve watched them many times. Ben Hur is an Easter tradition for me and my wife. After watching the Deer Hunter asked WTF was that about.

  15. And the inspiration for some college years diversions, specifically, “The Beer Hunter,” which involved one shaken can of a six pack with people standing around yelling “Mao, Mao” while they waited for someone to find the beer that exploded.

    The University of Missouri: Motto In Beero Veritas.

  19. Couldn’t get a Winnebago to the places we went. Just because we didn’t walk to remote places doesn’t mean we didn’t go camping in remote places.

  20. I hear you.
    A buddy and I went camping in Nantahala National Forest a couple of years ago.
    Found some old logging roads using google Earth and were able to get out there pretty good.
    Good thing because we brought enough “gear” to fill the bed of my truck.
    Needless to say we lived rather comfortably for being in a rather remote area.

  23. I went to see Out of Africa when it was first released. I could not tolerate anything beyond the first half hour. I walked out. I’ve only done that with one other movie.

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