The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Seven 2015 Predictions

Posted on | January 2, 2015 | 13 Comments

by Smitty

I don’t know how much insulin Stacy is going to need to recover from the Sugar Bowl–he could be in shock for a while. I predict he’ll root for Oregon with me on the 12th, vengeful bloke that he is. We’ll savor Boehner’s tears for the Buckeyes together.

The NRO has a lengthy list of predictions for 2015. Let me bat cleanup on a few points I didn’t see covered:

  1. Oil prices remain depressed, taking the world economy to the edge of instability. Russia, Iran, China, Venezuela–fertilizer decorates global air circulators. Baleful Barack brings bronze bollocks; Tsar Putin triumphantly treads titanium testicle territory.
  2. Gruber, the ongoing ObamaCare implosion, and  old-fashioned shame cause Chief Justice Roberts to rule judiciously on King v. Burwell. The pearl-clutching, couch-fainting, and sheer epileptic hysteria of the Left reaches geosynchronous orbit. And then the hyperbole kicks in.
  3. The Republican Congress, in the most boring way possible, offers some useful health care reforms. The no-talent rodeo clown takes a break on the putting green and signs the legislation without speech or personal pronouns. The veto pen weeps ink everywhere. The weeping turns into a fountain when the GOP actually carries out the Congressional task of producing 2016’s spending legislation in a timely fashion. Recidivists.
  4. Her Majesty Hillary Rodham Clinton serves up a triple paradox, simultaneously:
    • The only one with the depth of experience needed to un-frack the Impatient Nonprotection & Unaffordable Carelessness Act,
    • The victim of #OccupyResoluteDesk’s foreign policy Hamlet impression during her tenure as  Secretary of State, and
    • This totally reborn, fresh grandmotherly face whose you’d cheerfully vote for you if you appreciate your private property and wouldn’t it be a shame if something tragic were to occur to yours so just  keep that in mind next year you wretched little peasant scum you know she’s been scheming since Watergate to be the first woman president and if you think that she’s isn’t cashing in her chips after letting that little creep from Hawaii win in 2008 then it may be time for a little “Foster” care for you if you know what I mean and I think you do.
  5. Jeb Bush hovers comfortably around 95% committed to running for POTUS. The base will continue to be all “Meh”. More inspirational Governors and Senators will patiently wait in the wings while the Vichy GOP gazes at its navel, pondering whether a re-run of 1992 in 2016 will be its final Whig moment. Sarah Palin offers to play Perot in pumps.
  6. Having closed out 2014 with agitation on Amnesty and Cuba, BHO keeps the hits coming, with executive actions on global anthropogenic climate warming change chaos. It’s really all a desperate, masochistic plea for impeachment, but sadistic Republicans say “No.” The GOP won’t take the bait unless the proximal cause is so obvious that even Debbie Wasserman-Schultz can’t equivocate, but everyone knows DWS outsources her integrity to Lena Dunham and Rolling Stone.
  7. China decides its had enough fannying about and gobbles up Taiwan. Americans are all “Formosa, what?” until they realize that this could mean an interruption in shipments of new ‘Droid- and iPhones, with results clocking in somewhere around here:


13 Responses to “Seven 2015 Predictions”

  1. Evi L. Bloggerlady
    January 2nd, 2015 @ 11:09 am

    Not all Ohio State fans turned out happy last night…

  2. Ruy Diaz
    January 2nd, 2015 @ 11:57 am

    I would make fun of the Tide, but I really don’t have the heart.

  3. Art Deco
    January 2nd, 2015 @ 1:11 pm

    Jeb Bush hovers comfortably around 95% committed to running for POTUS.
    The base will continue to be all “Meh”. More inspirational Governors and
    Senators will patiently wait in the wings while the Vichy GOP gazes at
    its navel, pondering whether a re-run of 1992 in 2016 will be its final Whig moment. Sarah Palin offers to play Perot in pumps.

    One multi-part prediction: retro-libertarian sectaries will continue to fancy that the failure of the Republican primary and caucus electorate to cast ballots for their flavor of the month is a consequence of the machinations and Jedi mind-tricking of Bush family retainers and business lobbyists. They’ll also continue to explain the failure of candidates they might respect (for at least a month) to actually run for the bloody office by referring to….well, actually, they’ll just ignore that problem. They’ll also continue to fancy that failure to do what they want means institutional disaster for the Republican Party or the nation as a whole.

  4. WarEagle82
    January 2nd, 2015 @ 1:12 pm

    What a bad day for the SEC in bowl history! Can anyone think of the last date in history when Auburn, Bama, Miss State and Ole Miss all lost their bowl games?

    This may be the final sign of the Obamapocalypse! Is the sun bleeding right now? Seriously, there is some bad mojo brewing up right now.

  5. K-Bob
    January 2nd, 2015 @ 5:09 pm

    We always root against Ohio State. Until they are representing the Big 10 (,11,12, whatever). Then I wear a small amount of red and white. (Red neck, white socks. That’s most of it.) Gotta root for the conference.

    But take heart, H8rs, the Big 10 usually loses the “big” bowl games.

    OTOH, looks like Ohio State is for real this year though.

    Sucks for the SEC to have to win through a playoff system, dunnit?

  6. K-Bob
    January 2nd, 2015 @ 5:54 pm

    Hey, this is a show of backbone:

    Kudos to Rep. Bridenstine.

    And BTW, Smitty, I enjoyed your work above.
    I always forget to add that until after I chime in.

  7. smitty
    January 2nd, 2015 @ 7:22 pm

    Thanks, boss. The two little guys eat most of my time, but I likes to get my riffs in now and then.

  8. From Around the Blogroll | The First Street Journal.
    January 3rd, 2015 @ 9:21 pm

    […] Smitty on The Other McCain: Seven 2015 Predictions […]

  9. 1bulwetweft
    January 5th, 2015 @ 11:24 am

    Or you told mom and dad that the check was for TUITION……

  10. 1bulwetweft
    January 5th, 2015 @ 11:27 am

    Dammit, I do. (Paybacks, etc.)

    “Urban Renewal” had to hit Alabama sooner or later.

    (Sorry Stace)…..not really. 🙂

  11. 1bulwetweft
    January 5th, 2015 @ 11:29 am

    I’m from the “Shaved Snatch” wing of the GOP – NO MORE BUSHES!!

  12. 1bulwetweft
    January 5th, 2015 @ 11:35 am

    I’m an OSU fan and feel same as KBob except I root against MSU and the other school from that state up north. Not real fond of Badgers either. However, I was glad to see the B10 perform decently in the bowl games this year. Maybe that d—head Harbaugh can get UM back with the big boys some day. It’s not much fun hating someone that sucks all the time.

  13. K-Bob
    January 5th, 2015 @ 12:45 pm

    I hear yah! I know one thing, Harbaugh will come in like a conquering hero in that town. He’ll get his two years to flush whatever needs flushing before they begin to start the real smack talk. What a football family. Like the Mannings.

    UM hasn’t been anything since they fired Gary Moeller (for cause). I’m still amazed OSU fired Tressel (cause or no cause). He and Nick Saban are genuine, productive, football geniuses. I guess Tressel has left football for good. Being a college President is usually either the last stop on someone’s career before retirement, or a major step into politics.