How to Become a Cat Lady

Posted on | January 3, 2015 | 133 Comments

Lisa Bonos (@lisabonos) has published a column headlined “How to find a feminist boyfriend” that reads like an Onion parody:

“I find it really attractive how successful you are,” my date said, leaning in for a kiss.
Sure, it sounds like a line. But it also sounds like feminism. . . .

(No, it’s a line. Trust me.)

[W]hat I want a partner to be: cute, smart, funny and … yes, feminist. So go ahead, alert Susan Patton, Lori Gottlieb and the rest of the get-married-already crowd: A 30-something single woman, eggs unfrozen, is telling other single women that they should dare to want it all if they ever hope to have it all. . . .

(Hint: If you’re a “30-something single woman,” you’ll be lucky if you get to have any of it, much less “have it all.”)

But how do you spot a male feminist if he’s not at an abortion rights rally wearing a “This Is What a Feminist Looks Like” T-shirt?
It shouldn’t be hard. After all, as Aziz Ansari said on David Letterman’s show recently, everyone’s a feminist now. Unless you think Beyonce shouldn’t have the right to vote, should earn 23 percent less than Jay-Z and should be at home cooking rather than performing. And who would think that?
Few guys will proudly say no when asked if they’re feminists. . . .

(Few guys who want to sleep with Lisa Bonos would say that, perhaps, but exactly how many guys want to sleep with Lisa Bonos?)

Instead it’s a wholehearted yes, a lukewarm maybe or Can you define what you mean by “feminist,” please? . . .

(In some cases, it means “lonely bisexual English major.”)

Here’s how I’m defining it: Feminist daters — male or female, gay or straight — aren’t constrained by gender roles. Anyone can do the asking-out, the feelings-confessing or the initiating of any kind. . . .

(Perhaps you see why bisexual English majors are so often lonely.)

A feminist dater or boyfriend (and yes, feminists have boyfriends) is aware of the ways women have traditionally been held back, by others and by our own accord, and actively pushes against that. He’s sensitive to the fact that women’s bodies are frequently judged, abused and legislated, and takes no part in that. He gets it. . . .

You can read the rest and “get it.” It’s really a Craigslist ad disguised as an op-ed column, a pseudo-defiant gesture typical of certain women who have wasted their 20s in a series of going-nowhere “relationships.” On Twitter, Kyle Smith offers an alternate headline:

How to remain single until you are Maureen Dowd’s age

Maybe I’ll come back with more snark later, but this column is just such a motherlode of nonsense, it needs a special touch.

Goddammit, @AceofSpadesHQ this column is SCREAMING for your special attention. http://t.co/pAUKlP2Xdf @lisabonos

— Robert Stacy McCain (@rsmccain) January 3, 2015

Really, @AceofSpadesHQ: “… a partner who’s enlightened because he grew up with lesbian aunts.” http://t.co/pAUKlP2Xdf @lisabonos

— Robert Stacy McCain (@rsmccain) January 3, 2015

.@CFLancop You don’t need psychic powers to predict @lisabonos‘s future. @AceofSpadesHQ pic.twitter.com/OZkGio6D0u

— Robert Stacy McCain (@rsmccain) January 3, 2015

Update (Smitty):Ace-o-lanche

Category: Feminism

Comments

133 Responses to “How to Become a Cat Lady”

concern00
January 3rd, 2015 @ 8:51 pm

“Anyone can do the initiating…of any kind.”

Unless you’re a guy at college, in which case it’s pretty much a cert that it will be considered rape. With a desperate ‘eggs unfrozen’ thirty something, you might get some traction.
Jim R
January 3rd, 2015 @ 8:56 pm

I’m not exactly an expert on dating and relationships, but I suggest that she might be rather more successful and generally happier if she’d ditch the artificial, politically-motivated “I need a FEMINIST boyfriend” and simply try to find a fellow who makes her happy.
imongo
January 3rd, 2015 @ 9:00 pm

I thought this was satire…good job!
Ruy Diaz
January 3rd, 2015 @ 9:09 pm

Madness. The way to find the right man for you is to have a giant list of qualifications he must pass before you give him a second date.
Dave
January 3rd, 2015 @ 9:17 pm

HeeHee Cat lady was my thought too. I even used it when I posted this in the sidebar at Ace of Spades HQ.
postaldog
January 3rd, 2015 @ 9:20 pm

(In some cases, it means “lonely bisexual English major.”)
Or more often, it means “lonely bisexual Women’s and Gender Studies major.”
Matt_SE
January 3rd, 2015 @ 9:56 pm

Too bad. Her picture is kinda cute.
I guess it just shows, crazy hides in all sorts of packages.
William_Teach
January 3rd, 2015 @ 10:00 pm

[W]hat I want a partner to be: cute, smart, funny…

Imagine if a man said that about in regards to women. They’d be immediately and irrevocably be labeled as sexist, part of the patriarchy, pushing outdated stereotypes, and all the other femist blabber.
Daniel Freeman
January 3rd, 2015 @ 10:10 pm

Nonsense. They must pass those qualifications before the first date. A woman’s time is far too precious to spend drinking coffee with someone who doesn’t match a checklist, even if the alternative is drinking coffee alone.
Ruy Diaz
January 3rd, 2015 @ 10:11 pm

By the way, I don’t feel like making fun of her. I think she’s hurting herself with those expectations, and it is plain sad. It is hard to make fun of somebody once you feel sympathy for them.
Julie Pascal
January 3rd, 2015 @ 10:16 pm

I’m seriously wondering what she thinks that the *rest* of us put up with? There are men, anymore, who won’t help with the baby? Who won’t change a diaper? Who have some odd notion of strict gender roles? Who aren’t supportive of what their wives want to do and hope to accomplish with their lives?

The only thing that a “feminist” man is likely to believe different from *everyone else* is that it’s okay to kill his children and he’s willing to put up with stupid feminist ranting about the patriarchy with a smile and nod of approval.

Me? I’d rather have the awesome, supportive of me, helpful around the house, active father to his children, diaper changing partner in life who has a BRAIN.

Oh, and self respect. He’s got to have self respect.
Evi L. Bloggerlady
January 3rd, 2015 @ 10:19 pm

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wYfs71HDtN8/VKic2nXxqHI/AAAAAAAAp2s/EKX27HyOaJY/s1600/Newmar-Julie_01.jpg

Did someone mention catwoman…oh wait, nevermind!
Jim R
January 3rd, 2015 @ 10:20 pm

Oh, that takes me back!
robertstacymccain
January 3rd, 2015 @ 11:01 pm

There are men, anymore, who won’t help with the baby? Who won’t change a diaper? Who have some odd notion of strict gender roles?

I know, right? I’m the most anti-feminist guy on the planet and I diapered, fed, bathed and rocked to sleep all six of my children when they were babies. Grant that my wife had the far greater share of parental duties, especially with the younger three (after we moved to the D.C. area and my job kept me farther from home than when we lived in Georgia), but I had ample hands-on experience in infant care and have continued that with my grandson. Because I work from home now, I’m the go-to guy for babysitting.

The idea that guys are averse to childcare, where does that come from? Oh, right — feminists HATE BABIES SO MUCH THEY WANT TO KILL THEM and then they project their own hatred of children onto the scapegoated hate-object, men.

Feminism is a psychotic disorder.
m.tullius cicero
January 3rd, 2015 @ 11:05 pm

Can someone tell me what has FEMINISM accomplished for women? Has it made women wiser, wealthier, happier, etc.
RS
January 3rd, 2015 @ 11:05 pm

This woman calls herself a “feminist,” but in reality she is really no different than those ostensibly vacuous women who spend years planning their wedding long before they’ve met the person who will have the misfortune of being the groom. This is just the other side of the “unrealistic expectations” coin which causes too many people a lot of heartache. They approach courtship like they approach buying a car, but instead of spending hours reading Consumer Reports and NADA guides, they pour over various manifestos hoping to find–or create–the perfect political accessory for their lives.
RS
January 3rd, 2015 @ 11:05 pm

Your last sentence is something which dovetails with my thoughts: She’s looking for someone who will despise himself because he, ultimately, is not a mate, but a political prop. And sadly, she’ll wind up despising him for that, as well.
Fail Burton
January 3rd, 2015 @ 11:09 pm

“Your eyes are deep pools of diversity, just like my lesbianic family of devoted Marxists.”

Lisa is once again missing the Groucho joke: any man who would want to be with you, to put up with you, is not worth having. It is karmic punishment.

And don’t get so hung up over looks, Lisa. Trust me, I’d take a far less good-looking woman than you if she didn’t talk bullshit like you do. There’s this thing called “being cool,” Lisa – look it up. Any boyfriend you have will probably be more of a woman than you are. Go smoke a joint, or take some mushrooms and laugh at your toaster or striped blouses until your jaw hurts, and then listen to “One Less Egg to Freeze.” Then you might be worth being around. Loosen up. Or maybe just don’t talk and learn to use come hither eyes. Plus get in a fist-fight with a stranger for no reason.

A real woman must be strong, Lisa, strong enough to kill a box full of cute little kitty cats as a measure of your character and test of your humanity, like the Apaches used to do. They always kept boxes of cute little kitty cats as a rite of passage for their women. Kitties were a symbol of doom among Amerindians, and rightly so. Or you could be thrown into a pit of wolves if you were feeling particularly strong that day.

Apaches were the greatest feminists. Don’t ever forget that, Lisa, or that your lips are like cissexist lines of cinnabar and your uterus like old lapis lazuli found in a mine shaft.
RS
January 3rd, 2015 @ 11:11 pm

Actually, for the college guy, there are pitfalls in allow the female to initiate stuff, as well, given that subsequent regrets on her part will lead to accusations of sexual assault.

(And really, what guy would ever object to the female initiating a date or intimacy? Most would be thrilled that a woman was expressing interest in him. I know, I would have in college. Hell, I would’ve sent out a press release.)
Fail Burton
January 3rd, 2015 @ 11:13 pm

I want a woman to be cute, smart, and with breasts like the front of a Mark IV torpedo.
Evi L. Bloggerlady
January 3rd, 2015 @ 11:13 pm

Never miss an opportunity to showcase the lovely Ms. Julie Newmar!
RS
January 3rd, 2015 @ 11:14 pm

. . . your lips are like cissexist lines of cinnabar and your uterus like old lapis lazuli found in a mine shaft.

Hallmark is on the phone. They want a word with you.
concern00
January 3rd, 2015 @ 11:16 pm

College in my day was a very different experience to what it seems to have become.
Daniel Freeman
January 3rd, 2015 @ 11:16 pm

That could be the same person. Gender Studies often presents as an interdisciplinary program, so that it can infect as many other departments as possible, and English is one of the most vulnerable.
Evi L. Bloggerlady
January 3rd, 2015 @ 11:20 pm

“Is he sexist if he cancels an Uber ride because a female driver is on her way to pick the two of you up? (Definitely.)”

Who would do that? I would be happy with the first Uber ride that showed up regardless of the gender of the driver (provided the vehicle looked clean and reasonably safe). If anything, a woman (if she’s smart) would be more cautious with if the driver was male and how he looked.
DeadMessenger
January 3rd, 2015 @ 11:32 pm

It’s a matter of what it’s accomplished for lesbians, which, of course, is permanent, irrevocable tenure showered upon them by their politically-correct, yet moronic, facilitators and apologists in ivory towers across the land.
DeadMessenger
January 3rd, 2015 @ 11:37 pm

“…and yes, feminists have boyfriends…”

Only if they need “beards”.
concern00
January 3rd, 2015 @ 11:37 pm

This is a real strawman. You would be hard pressed to find real evidence of a guy cancelling an Uber ride because of a female driver. I bet this is about as common as college rape (ie not at all).
concern00
January 3rd, 2015 @ 11:38 pm

Yes, there’s a strange presumption that women don’t seek physical characteristics in men.
Evi L. Bloggerlady
January 4th, 2015 @ 12:01 am

Her list of examples is insane. Would a guy take the name “Bonos” even she knows that is nutty.
Phil_McG
January 4th, 2015 @ 12:05 am

Is he a feminist if he proclaims, on a first date, that he could see himself taking his wife’s last name?

Probably. And he’s definitely a mangina.

Does he need to believe that men and women, are equals and should be treated as such? (Uh, yes.)

Uh, no. Not only are men and women not equal – which is to say, the same – but feminists don’t believe in equality either. Not just the man-hating radfems, bless their grinchy little hearts. Mainstream feminists also do not want equality between men and women.

Ever heard of feminists demanding that men should get custody of the kids in 50% of divorces? Or complaining that male life expectancy is lower than for women? Or demanding that more women work in coal mines or collecting garbage or doing any of the other nasty but necessary jobs men do to keep society running so Lisa Bonob can be an assistant editor of something in a nice air-conditioned office?

Me neither.

When feminists demand equality what they really mean is give us the perks, but none of the responsibilities or hard work.

Does he need to be actively fighting for social, political and economic justice for women — and for all people, really — to identify as a feminist?

Can you “fight” for all people? What is social justice, and how does it relate to actual justice? What does political justice mean apart from “vote for socialists”? What is economic justice but a codeword for “get the government to steal from your neighbour”?

Doesn’t matter. What she really means by this is narcissistic idiots who retweet leftist talking points on Twitter, then congratulate themselves on their imagined courage.

As for who picks up the check on a first date, let’s obliterate the gender pay gap first

There is no gender pay gap, so buy me food.

A true male feminist is supportive of, interested in and enthusiastic about his partner’s career.

I am fully supportive of my wife’s career. She’s a stay-at-home mother.

He might not expect to earn more than his partner or think that his career trumps hers; a feminist couple might relocate for the woman’s career.

A man who earns less than his wife or puts her job first is in for a nasty surprise when she eventually leaves him for a higher status man.

lesbian writer Donna Minkowitz, 50, tells me […]
Minkowitz thinks that sometimes straight people fear that if they try to have an egalitarian relationship, sexual attraction will suffer. “That’s an unnecessary worry,” she says

Middle aged lesbians are famous for their passionate romance and active sex lives, right? Can’t imagine why more people aren’t rushing to take dating advice from grizzled old dykes.

When it comes to that attraction, a feminist man makes sure — verbally — that his partner is on board, rather than just forging ahead.

Women hate confident, dominant, sexually assertive men. Remember that book 50 Shades of Grey, and how poorly it sold to women? Remember how the shy, geeky guys at school got all the hot girls? Remember how Anthony Michael Hall’s character in The Breakfast Club was an 80’s sex symbol?

Sure you do, if you live in Opposite World.

“If you’re a woman who wants a man to grab you and kiss you because that’s what sweeps you off your feet, realistically, a feminist man is not going to do that,” says Rita Goodroe, a 38-year-old life coach in Northern Virginia who works mostly with singles. “He’s going to ask for permission.”

Is there a faster way to cool a woman’s passion than asking permission to kiss her? Even admitting you’re a serial killer wouldn’t be as off-putting. Charlie Manson still gets more girls than most male feminists a quarter of his age do.

I’d rather have permission than confusion

I give it five years max before Lisa downgrades her expectations from permission, to confusion, to “any man with his own teeth and a pulse”, to “screw the teeth, just please date me!”.

Megan Downey, a 24-year-old social marketing specialist in Washington, has a very succinct Tinder profile: a few pictures of herself and the word “feminist.”

[…]

And then she found one who wasn’t afraid of the F-bomb: A man wrote to her that it was “great to see a feminist on Tinder” — he self-identifies as a Marxist feminist and has studied the history of gender inequality and how it has affected the economy, she says. They saw each other for about three months.

Downey may be on to something.

Yes, ladies, you too could scrape the bottom of the dating barrel and meet a Marxist dweeb you break up with after three months! It’s every girl’s dream.

I’ve long believed that dating like a feminist — which often involves making the first move — will weed out many of the guys with more rigid ideas about gender and relationships.

Oh, it will. It’ll also weed out the high status men you yearn for, leaving you with cynical players who claim to be feminists so they can pump and dump you, and manboobed wretches whose soft, girlish weakness and smothering passive-aggression you will despise.

When Annie Werner tells me about her recent breakup — “I was dumped because my self-assuredness was unrelatable” — her indignation is extremely relatable.

Translation: she was dumped because she’s a ball-bursting feminist harpy, and even lesser men won’t put up with that forever.

“as this feminist, this self-assured woman, this strong person,” she realized that “it becomes harder to access the more feminine parts of yourself that could be more positive.”

You don’t say.
Phil_McG
January 4th, 2015 @ 12:17 am

Even Bono wouldn’t take that last name.
RS
January 4th, 2015 @ 12:37 am

Sure you do, if you live in Opposite World.

That’s the place where Mr. Spock sports the goatee, right? Seriously, thanks for reading that, so I don’t have to.

I wonder whether she’s considered the supply and demand dynamic of what she advocates. How many of these “Magical Feminist Males” are there? How many Feminist females want one? The implication of her article is that the supply is minimal, but demand is great. That means the value of the average Magical Feminist Male is very high within the given market.

On the flip side, assume the Feminist Male, arguably a limited number, desires a Feminist female, of which there are many. The value of the Feminist Female decreases, leaving the Male with the absolute pick of the litter. This explains the frustration and break-ups cited by a number of the sources in the article.

And people think Adam Smith has nothing to tell us in the 21st Century.
Julie Pascal
January 4th, 2015 @ 12:59 am

My reaction to most of her examples was… “Who does that?” Make a joke about women drivers? Even I do that. Refuse to ride with a woman driver? Whhaaa? Who does that?

The “sexist” who unromantically asked her why she wants to work so hard? Who is it that thinks women can’t/shouldn’t be ambitious? But when you’re looking at a possible relationship this is an issue… not because anyone cares if a woman is ambitious, but because it’s a warning flag that she’s going to judge YOU if you aren’t even more ambitious than she is. Mismatched levels of ambition are probably an even worse thing in a relationship than mismatched religious faith. Either party begins soon to resent the other if they feel they’re pulling more than their fair share of the load, even if they voluntarily do it. But what she sees is some man implying that she ought not be so career minded *because she’s a woman.*

And *that* is what she needs a “feminist man” for… to put up with those automatic assumptions of hers.
Julie Pascal
January 4th, 2015 @ 1:04 am

I swear that some women have gone from “I’ll not be a doormat” to “I want my own doormat.”

Sorry… I just don’t see the appeal.

And I’ll say this… conservative women are the most assertive, in control, self-propelled, powerhouses that I know. And they do it all without a knee jerk “isn’t it weird that your rank is Air*man*?” Just stupid, vapid, idiocy. Ugh.
Isa
January 4th, 2015 @ 1:11 am

now there’s a cat lady whose company i wouldn’t mind.
Julie Pascal
January 4th, 2015 @ 1:17 am

“As for who picks up the check on a first date, let’s obliterate the gender pay gap first”

Them what does the asking and chooses the restaurant and the show does the paying. Unless the “date” is in the friend zone and presented as “dutch” from the get-go.

“Is there a faster way to cool a woman’s passion than asking permission to kiss her? Even admitting you’re a serial killer wouldn’t be as off-putting.”

It’s possible to “ask” in a manly I-gotta-have-you sort of way. There’s ways of asking non-verbally. But a guy who doesn’t make the moves just isn’t that into you. This is libido DEATH. Sexual attraction on the guy’s part is power on the woman’s part. Thus a guy who is moved to at least a moderate show of aggression is indicating the woman’s power over him. Thus women find this really hot. (Yes, I know in the real world guys just aren’t that picky… this is irrelevant.)
TiminAL
January 4th, 2015 @ 2:38 am

I just love these OnionArticles. Wait. What? Somebody actually meant to write this in all seriousness? I have no words, other than to say that, if the picture above is the actual “author” of the WaPo piece, well the: Screen Door/Hurricane.
Trazymarch
January 4th, 2015 @ 2:39 am

Not only you managed to read this whole very tiring article but you also bothered answering some of the fragments. Kudos to you. #SmashTheMatriarchy, #YouGoBoy
chique
January 4th, 2015 @ 3:14 am

To RSM:

I have as much contempt as the next person for feminists, but can we cool it with the single woman bashing?

I am a Christian conservative woman in her mid 30s who likes men but happens not to be married. I know several other women like me. We are not losers just because we aren’t married and don’t have kids.

There are a lot more unpleasant women than I and my single friends who have gotten married.

My single friends and I don’t engage in rampant sex but do out best to remain chaste until the guy whom we will share a lifelong marriage commitment to confess along, Lord willing. In the meantime, we continue to enjoy life and thrive in whatever we’re doing.

I really appreciate the good work in exposing the extremely harmful feminist lies and insanity, but please let up on the generalized attacks on single women. We are not all horrible and we aren’t lesser beings.

I have tried to keep an open mind but just couldn’t stay quiet. I do realize this is may not be your intention and probably isn’t, but it comes across that way, at least to me.

PS. I am not a troll. Just a first time commenter who generally enjoys your work as well as the posts of the commenters on this site.
chique
January 4th, 2015 @ 3:21 am

By the way, I read the ridiculous article earlier and was gratified to see that almost every commenter was completely against the author’s point of view.

Male feminist: a really sad, sad, self-loathing excuse of a man OR a guy trying to get into a silly gullible feminist’s pants.

I’ll take my men manly and gentlemanly, thank you. I am not trying to date a fellow woman.

Notice how she was ok with men still paying for the date until the debunked statistic of unequal women’s pay is no longer true. It ain’t true now, honey, so start picking up the bill.
Trazymarch
January 4th, 2015 @ 4:03 am

Where is this “single-woman” bashing?
Robert What?
January 4th, 2015 @ 4:28 am

I think guys should thank this woman for alerting them what they would be in for getting involved with her or any “Strong Independent Woman” ™ like her. Run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.
Phil_McG
January 4th, 2015 @ 5:15 am

As Garth Algar said: “Let me tell you something about women, Wayne. They want you to come get them. They LOVE it. “
Fail Burton
January 4th, 2015 @ 6:07 am

I don’t disagree with your sentiment but to be fair I think we do discriminate between single women and an ideology that disparages marriage in favor of being single.

I have nothing against single women or their decision to be so or not have kids. I don’t think we as a group who oppose gender feminism do oppose that. We are live and let live kind of people.
Jim R
January 4th, 2015 @ 9:00 am

I agree with Fail Burton: this isn’t about women who are single, but rather that tiny subset who have managed to talk themselves into believing that being single is a feminist virtue until they meet the magic man who happens to hit all the checks on their list of the perfect “feminist man”, which most of us think is (A) a very rare bird indeed; (B) likely a fraud on the make, and; (C) won’t make them happy if he is genuine because who would respect such a milksop?
Jim R
January 4th, 2015 @ 9:04 am

Well done!
Kevin Fleming
January 4th, 2015 @ 9:57 am

Sounds like she just wants to date and then marry herself.

Her article does not mention even once what she has to offer someone else, other than ovaries.

Used to be that by her age, the best men had already married.
Now, men are increasingly avoiding marriage, in part due to feminism.

She’ll find another boyfriend or two, sure. But that’s about it.
Jim R
January 4th, 2015 @ 10:12 am

It bears repeating:

Feminists destroyed those quaint, hypocritical, Victorian courtship rules that decent people more-or-less adhered to in the name of “sexual equality”. They thought they were liberating themselves. What they’ve learned (but won’t ever admit it) is that they basically hung a huge neon sign GET IT HERE! around the neck of every woman in the country: guys figured out in a hurry that a “liberated” woman was commitment-free sex for the asking. Don’t even need to pay for dinner because SHE’LL do that because she’s empowered. WOO-HOO!

But the women discovered that they still rather wanted commitment. Being a pincushion was less empowering than degrading. Being a wife and (gasp!) even a mother, in contrast, continued to have appeal. Slut Walks be damned! They want husbands! Oh, they dress up their desires with feminist rhetoric about career and choice and power, but they still want much of what women have wanted since Adam and Eve: a man who will care for them (and any children) and be faithful to them. And, in their deepest, most secret minds, they want a man with higher “status” so that he can provide for them if they CHOOSE to put “family first” (i.e. have kids and be the oppressed, unappreciated serf that people call “mother”).

If Bonos doesn’t wise up, she WILL be a cat lady.
robertstacymccain
January 4th, 2015 @ 10:19 am

I have as much contempt as the next person for feminists, but can we cool it with the single woman bashing?
I am a Christian conservative woman in her mid 30s who likes men but happens not to be married. I know several other women like me. We are not losers just because we aren’t married and don’t have kids.

Chique:

I am entirely sympathetic to women, per se.

Old, young, fat, skinny, married, single, black, white, straight, lesbian — I am and have always been enthusiastically pro-woman. This is part of what grinds me about the feminist stereotype of conservative Christian men as “anti-woman,” is my direct knowledge that IT’S NOT TRUE.

If it’s not true for me, avowed anti-feminist as I am, I assume that it’s not true for other men who oppose feminism, and I know that women who oppose feminism certainly are not self-haters.

What this is about is ordered liberty, to use a phrase made famous by Russell Kirk. Humans are social creatures. Our existence requires the cooperation of our fellow humans, and thus we cannot exist outside society. All political theories that begin by imagining a pre-social “state of nature” are erroneous, because there must be family, there must be tribe and nation, there must be law, custom and tradition in order for human beings to survive and flourish.

From this knowledge of human nature as dependent on social order — a customary arrangement of voluntary cooperation based in law and tradition — the duty of the philosopher and the statesman is the same in a free society, namely to preserve the social order (and the liberty) we have inherited as a legacy from our ancestors. Since the time of the French Revolution, however, we have been afflicted with radicals who wish to destroy the social order, to erect in its place a revolutionary scheme founded on the theories of intellectuals. Inevitably, these schemes destroy both order and liberty — and this is no coincidence.

Rather than complete that thesis by further elaboration, however, let me return to your mistaken impression that my intent in this post was “bashing single women.” My intent was to mock Lisa Bonos and her idea that finding a “feminist man” was the solution to single women’s problems. I know that most single women would, if they had their druthers, be married. The “blame game” in the battle of the sexes, where the dissatisfactions and disappointments of men and women are expressed as finger-pointing, should be avoided, because it doesn’t solve the problem. We have to solve these problems as individuals, and try to improve the culture through our personal influence, rather than expressing our discontent in diatribes against the opposite sex.

Having been happily married for 25 years, it hurts my heart to meet single people who very much want to be married, but can’t find the “right one.” Male or female, there is a sad similarity to these stories. It’s like the basket of unmated socks we keep at our house, in hope that at some point the matching sock will turn up. Because of my pro-life, pro-marriage beliefs, it especially hurts me to meet single women who would very much like to be wives and mothers, but who can’t find men who want to be husbands and fathers — and I feel powerless to help them.

Furthermore, despite the piles of literature arguing the contrary, I know that many lesbians would not be lesbians if men were better men. And let’s not even talk about the misogyny that lurks beneath the surface of so much gay male culture (radical lesbian feminists are almost the only ones who ever mention that). There is an element to narcissism in LGBT psychology that it has become impossible to discuss without being accused of homophobia. And we can also see, in their rejection of heterosexuality, how gays and lesbians demonstrate what the underlying problems are in terms of “normal” society.

Fact: A recent survey by a pro-gay group found that 64% of legal same-sex marriages were lesbian couples. In other words, removed from the social context of heterosexuality, women are twice as likely as men to seek lifelong commitment with a partner.

Does that tell us something about why marriage rates are declining, why unwed motherhood is rampant, why so many “normal” families are destroyed by infidelity and/or divorce? I think it does, and I wish it were possible to talk about these problems without generating angry accusations of “hate” or whatever.

Excuse me, Chique, if in criticizing Lisa Bonos’ silly “feminist boyfriend” advice, I conveyed the idea that single women are “losers.” The real losers are the men who don’t appreciate you.