Saluting Brandon Morse’s Valiant Struggle With Testosterone-Driven Guilt

Posted on | September 26, 2015 | 34 Comments

by Smitty

An excellent piece sending up the abject, slack-jawed idiocy of our morally degenerate Left:

It started innocently enough. The local university was holding seminars about the gender wage gap, and Gwendalin was a guest speaker. Her feminine wisdom is beyond my comprehension. Naturally, I attended, not only to support my partner, but to learn. As the beneficiary of a system that has institutionalized sexism and racism, it is important that the males take every opportunity to educate themselves on the privileges they enjoy at the expense of others. What better way to check that privilege than by sitting down, shutting up, and submitting yourself to the knowledge of the women closest to you?
Watching this raw display of feminine personhood on that stage, however, began to awaken dangerous desires within me. I began to have the problematic feeling of ownership one has in sexually active relationships. I felt ashamed. Here Gwen was, educating future world citizens about a very prominent and real example of a systematic oppression of women, and here I was perpetuating rape culture by being sexually turned on by my partner.
It didn’t subside, either. Once we got home that night, I couldn’t help myself, and I approached her as respectfully as I was able in my weakened state. “May I kiss you?” I asked her. She looked at me in silence for moment, considering whether to give me permission. “Yes,” she finally said, and awaited me to approach her. Our lips met, and I could tell the night was going to be one to remember.
I’ll spare you the details, but that night there seemed to be no limits. I was overcome with a tidal wave of uninfluenced consent that celebrated and revered Gwen’s independent sexuality.
It wasn’t until some time later that we found out our consensual trist had gotten Gwen pregnant. I felt guilty. She had allowed me to participate in one of the most private and powerful aspects of her womanhood, and I had punished her for it with a child.

Brandon neglected a couple of things, though: his basic sanity seems to have precluded the idea of offering the male child to Moloch in an abortion. Also, he could have ended the piece on a Caitlyn Jenner crescendo.
But hey: it’s not my essay. Go enjoy it.

Category: Culture

Comments

34 Responses to “Saluting Brandon Morse’s Valiant Struggle With Testosterone-Driven Guilt”

JeffS
September 26th, 2015 @ 6:17 am

OK, I have to ask……

This is not a parody. Right?
Shawn Smith
September 26th, 2015 @ 7:31 am

Have these idiots completely forgotten the biological purpose of sex? It’s to make a baby! He just said, We tried to make a baby and were very surprised and upset to find out we made a baby. These people are all morons.
Shawn Smith
September 26th, 2015 @ 7:32 am

Is this soulless sack of filth going to tell his child this someday? Who’s Mommy’s little punishment? You are!
Evi L. Bloggerlady
September 26th, 2015 @ 8:05 am

Some people really shouldn’t breed…like inbred dogs prone to hip dysplacia
M. Thompson
September 26th, 2015 @ 8:13 am

This is a parody.

And it’s why we’re in a handbasket and it’s getting warmer.
Grandson Of TheGrumpus
September 26th, 2015 @ 8:26 am

EBL,
I must admit, as I started reading it seemed obvious to me that it was parody.

But, as I continued reading, I started remembering other pieces of similar and sometimes identical tone to this exposition, that were definitely not parody, but written in what passed for earnestness of the author’s efforts!

Considering these other pieces, I began to doubt my original assignment of this piece to the category of “parody”.

With the previous in mind, I want to thank you for reaffirming my original perception of the piece’s tone! Thank you!

In passing, I admit I ache for less artificially complicated times. So much collective energy is spent on these silly complications that it is no wonder that important things, neglected, grind to a standstill!
missbosslady
September 26th, 2015 @ 9:26 am

I could not follow the link and read the totality of this piece, as the excerpt alone has made me throw up.
Evi L. Bloggerlady
September 26th, 2015 @ 10:05 am

The sad part is the parody is reality for some.
Patrick Albanese
September 26th, 2015 @ 10:06 am

It’s a parody, but so close to reality that it dips it’s toes into modern feminism enough to be scary.

Remove the tips offs to its tongue in cheek nature, and it becomes an instruction manual.
Quartermaster
September 26th, 2015 @ 10:25 am

It’s parody.
smitty
September 26th, 2015 @ 10:47 am

It says ‘satire’ at the top of the post. The blog would not be ‘saluting’ him if he were serious.
smitty
September 26th, 2015 @ 10:48 am

Concur. That’s why I had to get into full-on paganism and insanity to suggest any additions.
kbiel
September 26th, 2015 @ 12:12 pm

It’s at the Federalist, so yes it is satire. (Oh and it says “Satire” at the top.)
Jason Lee
September 26th, 2015 @ 1:34 pm

The Federalist is conservative.
Jason Lee
September 26th, 2015 @ 1:56 pm

Ha! This is good:

“We couldn’t believe it. Not only had Pat exhibited masculine traits despite our best efforts, he had done so by using a woman as a tool, and an African-American woman no less. He was only two, and not only was he already a sexist, he was a racist. On the way home, Gwen rightly placed the blame on me…”
Isa
September 26th, 2015 @ 2:06 pm

freaking Poe’s Law up in this piece.
Bob Belvedere
September 26th, 2015 @ 2:36 pm

A well-done bit of satire.

However, Mr. Morse does look like Pajama Boy’s older, Beta-Goth Brother…
http://thefederalist.com/author/brandon-morse/
Daniel Freeman
September 26th, 2015 @ 3:21 pm

Beat me to it.
Steve Skubinna
September 26th, 2015 @ 4:01 pm

Okay, if it appeared in any college paper (one not explicitly conservative or libertarian) it would be safe to assume it was sincere. The venue it is in makes it a lead pipe cinch that is satire (that, and the “satire” printed at the top of the column).

I must assume that you are not familiar with The Federalist. If not, then bookmark the site, it’s worth it even when they’re not trying to be funny.
Steve Skubinna
September 26th, 2015 @ 4:05 pm

Actually, he did state matter of factly that abortion was the obvious response to Gwen’s pregnancy. It was only the prospect of raising the child to be gender neutral that enticed them to take the risk of bringing the fetus to term.

What is disturbing is the fact that this same piece could have been printed in The New Yorker and nobody would have spotted the tongue placed firmly in cheek. In fact, I fully expect to see this reprinted and excerpted throughout the left side of the blogosphere as a serious piece.
Steve Skubinna
September 26th, 2015 @ 4:07 pm

As I note below, I expect this to be excerpted and quoted seriously on the left side of the blogosphere.
Steve Skubinna
September 26th, 2015 @ 4:08 pm

But the writer does ring all the bells, even subtly quoting Obama’s characterization of children as “punishment.”

I have often wondered if Obama’s mother gave him that idea.
Steve Skubinna
September 26th, 2015 @ 4:09 pm

The reason we find ourselves in this rapidly moving handbasket is that we must stress this is parody, because today it isn’t obvious.
Steve Skubinna
September 26th, 2015 @ 4:09 pm

Seriously, it’s worth it. Just remind yourself that it is all right to laugh.
marcus tullius cicero
September 26th, 2015 @ 4:31 pm

…it reminded me of those “real” letters to Penthouse in the 60’s.
Is it me or the modern progressive man is a screaming hermaphrodite.
Evi L. Bloggerlady
September 26th, 2015 @ 7:52 pm

Do you think abandoning young Barry (I mean Barack) with his grandparents might have been a subtle signal?
Evi L. Bloggerlady
September 26th, 2015 @ 7:53 pm

There is that parody piece about Ann Coulter and an encounter at the L.A. Farmer’s Market that is comic gold (it is OTT foul).
smitty
September 26th, 2015 @ 8:36 pm

It was the middle of the night. Who knows where my eyes went.
JeffS
September 26th, 2015 @ 9:08 pm

Thank you. I admit to reading it before ingesting copious quantities of caffeine.
Funeral guy
September 27th, 2015 @ 12:58 am

He probably is punishing her with “his” baby. If there is ever a home invasion at Gwendalin’s house, her “partner” will no doubt be curled in the fetal position (there’s your baby, Gwen) sucking his thumb and crying, “Make the bad men go away, Gwennie. Don’t let them hurt me!”
Funeral guy
September 27th, 2015 @ 1:01 am

They be racissss!
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Unix-Jedi
September 27th, 2015 @ 11:33 am

It’s written well enough that my opposite-sex-legally-bonded partner was expressing disbelief that anyone could be that lacking in communal awareness.
Unix-Jedi
September 27th, 2015 @ 11:34 am

It’s similar to when a headline duplicates an earlier The Onion headline.

When satire becomes reality…