Naked Scarlett Johansson: ‘It Would Be Irresponsible’ Not to Support Obama

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A story I missed: Somebody hacked her cell phone and got hold of naked photos Johansson had taken of herself and sent to her (now ex-)husband Ryan Reynolds. I only learned about this yesterday because I glanced at a headline linked on the sidebar of an article and (the mind plays funny tricks) got the idea she’d sent nude photos to Burt Reynolds.

That would be what we call “news,” so I had to click that link and immediately realized my error. Never heard of this Ryan Reynolds guy and, frankly, never much noticed Scarlett Johansson — she’s an actress who does, like, movies and stuff — and would have ignored the feature article in Vanity Fair if not for this:

Johansson, who has been active in campaigning for various Democratic political leaders, including Barack Obama, tells Biskind that nearly one term later “we’re all guilty of being idealistic, I and everyone who voted for him.” But in response to being asked if she would work for him again, she says, “It would be irresponsible not to.”

This shouldn’t be surprising, given the notorious liberalism of Hollywood, but it doesn’t make sense to those of us out here in the rest of America, where pretty girls generally tend to be conservative. To cite one example, the annual Reaganpalooza, the post-CPAC party sponsored by the Young Conservatives Coalition, is a total babefest.

Perhaps it’s something intrinsic to the entertainment industry, where the relationship between hard work and success  is less obvious, that causes people in show business to be so peculiarly liberal.

Or maybe conservatives just need to do more education and outreach to Hollywood. Somebody else will have to do “outreach” to Scarlett Johansson. I don’t want to make Alyssa Milano jealous.

UPDATE: Linked by Pirate’s Cove and Weasel Zippers — thanks! — and now a Memeorandum thread. By the way, Alyssa Milano has 1.8 million Twitter followers. Scarlett Johansson? Doesn’t get it.

30 comments

  3. As her vision slowly cleared, Scarlett was confronted by something very green and round. And it had a hole in it, from which a ragged red something protruded.

    “Good gods… why, that looks like a gigantic cocktail olive!” She thought. Just then she heard a deep slurping sound, and she was drawn up a nearby straw… and then she was swallowed whole, down the gullet of someone, or something.

    Down the esophagus she fell, past tonsils and membranes and finally through the dreaded esophageal sphincter. She landed with a splash in a distended stomach and began to paddle about, noticing the components of a Caesar salad floating nearby.

    Just then, a hand reached down and grabbed her collar and lifted her onto the deck of a strange boat of some sort. She looked up and gasped as she saw the face of her rescuer; it was none other than President Barack Obama! 

    “Mr President… what are you doing here?”

    Said Mr Obama; “This is the belly of the Beast, Scarlett. I figured that if I hide in here, those damned tea baggers will never find me!”.

    Scarlett thought about that, and eventually said; “Yes, I see what you mean. I do feel strangely safe here, even with all this alcohol. At least we will never starve!”.

    “If only it were not the belly of John Boehner! But I had to face it; the beast is the beast, and so, this is his alcohol-soaked gut.”

    “Oh, no!” croaked Scarlett, her eyes widening.

    “Yep, ‘fraid so”, remarked Obama, reaching for a floating crouton.

    “Jesus H Christ! What do we do now?”, exclaimed the perplexed young starlett. “I mean, it is fine for you to hide out down here, but what about me? I want out! I want to get my life back!”

    Dipping his crouton into a passing puddle of blue cheese, Obama said; “Scarlett, you are fated to be the mother of a new race of children… and I will be their father!”.

    “What? You must be kidding! I hope you are kidding! This is unreal! This is like a bad…”

    It was at that moment that the plane braked as it reached LAX, jostling the sleeping Scarlett and thus causing her to awaken.

    “Ohhh gawd… what a bad dream! That is the last time I eat a Philly Cheese steak before bed! What the fuck! Man, I feel a tad ill right now!” And with that, she bent over and hurled all over the executive class’ floor carpet.

  7. Did you say something about Scarlett Johansen?  I was thinking about that wry smile and thinking Ryan Reynolds was a lucky man (at least temporarily).  But maybe with Scarlett temporarily is a good thing. 

  9. Scarlett Johansson is goofy-looking. Yeah, I said it.

    Her mouth is the problem. It doesn’t hang right on her face. It looks as though it was sewn on later, in a desultory fashion.

    But she has the breasts of an Olympic goddess, so what’cha gonna do?

  11. Philly Cheese steak wasn’t the only departure coughed up from the gastronomically troubled Ms Johansson. Weaving like a snake of red silk
    was the narrative thread of liberalism itself, slipping through the disgusting debris
    of our heroine’s ludicrous dream, like a bad Hollywood flick, gliding
    like an eel across the slippery surface of the plot, and racing off
    track. Abandoning the very platform of this tale itself, the narrative
    thread, scarlet and bold, makes its way across the city pulsing
    its sequential possession of, in turn, an abandoned red ribbon, the
    stubborn remains of a reduced-price sticker on a package of pepperoni
    jauntily peeking out from a shopping bag, then to a rose, cold and
    scentless and wrapped in cellophane decorated with cherubs carried by a former dem voter.

  12. I’m convinced that Hollywood is built entirely on actors/actresses who could be literally ANYONE, but they have to be vetted and pushed by the lib-tard agents and casting managers that really run the place. Only a few conservatives can fake it long enough to get a shot at the big time and get all the riches.

    For example, tell me if you think that Ellen DeGenerate deserves an hour-long talk show every day. I thought her only slightly funny even before she said which team she played on.

  15. “Perhaps it’s something intrinsic to the entertainment industry, where
    the relationship between hard work and success  is less obvious, that
    causes people in show business to be so peculiarly liberal.”

    I think it more basic. They both live in worlds of make-believe.

  16. Shes HOT!!

    That said, so what? Like DC, I ignore hollywood employees politcal comments. Make that comments. The’re thesbeans (ha). I either like their movies or not & thats the extent of it.

  23. Young Lady(?), Please,, you know not what you speak…….. Put your clothes back on and pack your bags… You need to go back to Africa and spout your “trash” there.

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