Category: humor

Are We Hiring Someone So Challenged As To Require A “Business Suit Onesie”?

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by Smitty

 Mrs. Other Smitty brought this to my attention. As a generally slack-tacular kinda guy who regularly toggles between sports podcasts and casino apps, I can follow the logic involved in this. Anything you can do to streamline a process, e.g. dressing, is worth doing. Note the shopping avoidance on display: you buy the one thing, and you’re done. Two complications come to mind:

  • You need to make minor adjustments, e.g. doffing a jacket, to fit the office climate, and
  • You want to mix things up a bit, to get more wear out of the upper portion. Typically the trousers reach end-of-life ahead of the shirt or jacket.

Above all these practical considerations, there is this: you’re going home. There is a 1 year-old awaiting you. That one year-old is also wearing a onesie. WHAT. WERE. YOU. THINKING?

You weren’t. Let this blog help you. When someone tries to resurrect the jumpsuit, JUST. SAY. NO.

Here It Is: #ClintonJennerDolezal2016

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by Smitty

In this blog’s relentless quest to immanentize the Next Big Thing, we proudly proffer the Tres Bimbos ticket.

That it’s Her Majesty’s turn, and we [nsfw] must not jack this up for her, goes without saying. And we’re supposed to feel vaguely positive about the “courage” inherent in an intensely personal decision that not everyone fully agrees with. Finally, we should offer three cheers to Rachel Dolezal, whose approach to fabulism is only exceeded by that of #OccupyResoluteDesk, as far as I can tell.

Thus, by the Power of Common Core, we humbly announce that three (3) is just a large value of two (2). We adjure you to vote for Clinton/Jenner/Dolezal in 2016, by write-in, if those odious, pedantic conservatives somehow infringe on your right to feel however you want about that age-old tool of patriarchal oppression, integers.

As the Really Hip Individual Currently Choosing to Retain a Male Sexual Identity Ezra Klein noted, the Constitution is, like, really old, or something. What better way to fight that Ancient Screed of Cisgender, Euro-Masculine Domination than to vote in a First Trimulierate in 2016? Progress is predicated upon the idea that anything conservatives esteem is on the target list for rhetorical saturation bombing. Progress takes a village, and rubs the lotion on.


Why not put another nail in the coffin of the idea of the Rule of Law by supporting the Tres Bimbos ticket? How about it?