Posted on | March 4, 2011 | 58 Comments
People have often asked me, “Stacy, how is it that you eat such a horrible diet of junk food, you smoke, drink, consume vast quantities of coffee, and have never jogged or worked out, and yet you remain so slim, vigorous and full of energy at your age?”
A study says it is actually healthy to stare at a woman’s breasts. . . .
The study found the men who stared at breasts more often showed lower rates of heart problems, a lower resting heart rate and lower blood pressure.
The authors of the study recommend that men stare at breasts for 10 minutes a day.
UPDATE II: After further consultation, Dan and I have decided to form the Collins-McCain Institute of Therapeutic Breast-Staring. Our motto: “Check out her rack, or you’ll have a heart attack!”
Meanwhile, some are claiming that this study is a “hoax.” But at the CMITBS, we don’t rely on mere theoretical research. Rather, we engage in extensive field studies involving the best specimens available — a hands-on approach to research.
UPDATE III: Well, enough of the introductory lecture. Now, time for some therapy!
The staff of the Collins-McCain Institute for Therapeutic Breast-Staring would like to thank Christina Hendricks and Anne Hathaway for their heroic efforts to improve America’s cardiovascular health.
Patients are invited to provide testimonials to the benefits of this breakthrough therapy and, of course, your contributions to fund our ongoing research are always welcome.
UPDATE IV: Welcome, Instapundit readers!
UPDATE VII: We particularly recommend Salma Hayek’s breasts as stare-worthy.