Shorter Juan Williams: I’m Sorry My Underpaid Assistant Plagiarized That Column With My Byline I Didn’t Write
Posted on | March 8, 2013 | 36 Comments
Who am I to judge, huh? Hasn’t it been my lifelong ambition to get paid big bucks without actually doing any work? But the rock star dream didn’t happen, so I was forced to resort to journalism, which requires me to sit in front of a laptop computer and at least pretend that this is “work.” Still, I cling to the hope that someday I might be successful enough to have an assistant — preferably one with ginormous boobies — who can take care of all the drudgery like transcribing audio, fetching coffee and booking my flights to conferences where I collect a couple thousand bucks for giving a 45-minute speech about whatever.
Nevertheless, I would require that my large-breasted assistant actually be competent, because otherwise bad things might happen:
A column by Fox News talking head Juan Williams published last month by the Hill was quietly updated last week to fix some pesky instances of plagiarism. The article, it turned out, featured entire paragraphs from a Center for American Progress report on immigration, with a few words changed here and there, as detailed by Salon. “I was writing a column about the immigration debate and had my researcher look around to see what data existed to pump up this argument and he sent back what I thought were his words and summaries of the data,” Williams told Alex Seitz-Wald without apologizing.
Wait — Juan Williams’s “researcher” is a he? What’s the point of having an incompetent assistant plagiarizing stuff for your ghost-written column, without titties?
Juan: You’re killing the dream here, buddy.
UPDATE: Oops. I fixed a typo — actually, I misspelled “incompetent” — which is why I need an assistant with keen eyes (and a nice rack) to spot typographical errors.
UPDATE II: Ace of Spades HQ:
I wonder how widespread this practice is. I wonder how many of these “writers” and “thinkers” have actually stopped writing and instead are now “Producers” of writing, the way a producer on a film hires the team and oversees the team but doesn’t actually take the concrete steps we usually think of in making a movie.
The problem is that there is a vast reserve army of underemployed writers who are happy to get paid to put words under the byline of some Famous Name. It’s a buyer’s market, really, which is why I insist on a competent assistant, with really massive yabbos.
UPDATE III: Just in case anyone thinks that I am being sexist in requiring my assistant to be stacked like the Great Pyramid of Giza, I’ll remind you of Instapundit’s discovery of scientific proof that larger-breasted women are more intelligent. And he’s a Yale-educated law professor, y’know. Certainly he wouldn’t dream of engaging in unfair discrimination.