Posted on | May 11, 2014 | 69 Comments
Excuse the relative paucity of blog output, but I’ve been wrestling for two days with my massive Mother’s Day essay. Today marks the conclusion of sixth annual National Offend a Feminist Week, and I want to do something special. However, the special essay keeps growing longer and longer — it’s very hard to write with penetrating insight — and with the additional problem of a computer glitch or two, it will necessarily be delayed until later this evening.
However, to provide amusement and enlightenment for you while I toil over that 3,000-word monster essay, I’ll share something special for women who are not yet mothers.
How many “safe sex” lectures have young women been forced to endure in the past 20 years? How many TV and magazine ads for condoms and contraceptives have they seen? And how can women who desire motherhood overcome, so to speak, the anti-maternity propaganda that now pervades our culture? After all, young men have also been targeted by the “safe sex” evangelists, and her man may therefore feel an aversion to his necessary masculine role in procreation.
If the journey to reproduction is to arrive (so to speak) at its desired destination, it may be necessary for a young would-be mother to empower herself, exercising her feminine prerogative to speak to him the Nine Sexiest Words a Woman Can Ever Say to a Man:
NZXP TYDTOP XP. T HLYE EZ SLGP JZFC MLMTPD.
Amateur cryptographers are hereby strongly cautioned: Do not — repeat, do NOT — write the uncoded message in the comments, nor on Twitter or on your own blogs. At least not in English. Translations in French, Spanish, Latin, etc., might be amusing.
Hey, did I ever mention that my wife and I have six children?