‘One of the Perks of Being a Guy’

Posted on | October 13, 2011 | 14 Comments

Having been busy lately planning for our trip to Vegas for Tuesday’s big debate, I confess to having fallen behind in my job of keeping readers up-to-date on other important developments unrelated to the GOP presidential primary campaign. Thanks to James Tararanto of the Wall Street Journal, however, we have this Breaking News Update from the Vancouver Sun:

“Being able to pee standing up is one of the perks of being a guy, perhaps even a rite of passage.”

In case you missed that banner headline at Drudge …

Also, in other vital news: The FBI has arrested the vicious criminal hacker who illegally obtained nude photos of Scarlett Johansson:

If this guy was a New York Times reporter, the ACLU would be defending him under the First Amendment as a heroic crusader for “the people’s right to know” what Scarlett Johansson’s nipples look like. Meanwhile, in an entirely unrelated development, Megan McArdle brings us this shocking news from the world of scientific research:

The Declining Hotness of Flight Attendants

Indeed, I have myself noticed this phenomenon during my frequent travels on the campaign trail. Also, cocktail waitresses seem to be becoming increasingly skanky. Further research, however, will be required during our upcoming trip to Las Vegas.

Hit the freaking tip jar!

Category: Celebrities, Crime, Fear and Smitty in Vegas

Comments

14 Responses to “‘One of the Perks of Being a Guy’”

Joe
October 13th, 2011 @ 7:13 pm

My wife told me a story that she learned. I think she met these women because our kids all went to the same school. During a lunch they were discussing potty training for kids it came up that they both made all their men folk pee sitting down at home. They said they were tired of cleaning up when their aim was not true, so they made their sons and the husbands (can they even be called husbands any more after that) sit to pee.

I was absolutely horified to learn this. My wife disclosed this to me on the way home in the car after I met them and their husbands for a BBQ. We did not hang out after that. It was just to weird to know something so intimate and so emasculating about someone.

I weep for America. I really do.
Anonymous
October 13th, 2011 @ 7:30 pm

Most of the time, I piss in the backyard. An acquaintance once defined “redneck” as a man who never wanted to live anyplace where he couldn’t take a piss off his back porch. Profound truth there . . .
Richard Mcenroe
October 13th, 2011 @ 7:36 pm

A piece of advice and I WILL NOT speak to how I know this… if you ever piss in the kitchen sink, guys, make sure you rinse it THOROUGHLY…
Joe
October 13th, 2011 @ 7:54 pm

I do that too. Stacy, I potty trained by son by telling him he could go in the back yard and pee on a tree. He loved the idea. Soon he was peeing on all the trees he saw.

We have pictures of him at about 3 years old (with his back to the camera) peeing against trees in Yellowstone, with the Grand Tetons in the back ground, and in other national parks.
Joe
October 13th, 2011 @ 7:56 pm

That brings back memories. One time I went home with a girlfriend and she went to the toilet first. We were drinking beers so I was ready to explode. So I got up on a step stool and used the kitchen sink. I managed to zip up just in time.

Then I let the water run saying I needed a drink.

I was smooth.
jwallin
October 13th, 2011 @ 7:57 pm

Ah, the kitchen sink; when the toilet is just to far to go. {tee hee}

As to the skankiness of waitresses in the air and on the ground; once they had to accept ugos, fatties, x gender, things with 5 o’clock shadow, the nice looking ones went elsewhere for work as it was no longer a sure thing due to their looks as looks no longer mattered. Notice also that the service declined too?

Women have always had peeing envy and have devised many sneaky and defensible ways to prevent men from being men. (how this helps them, I haven’t a clue. Ladies it’s not going to disappear. As long as men have penises (peni?) we WILL stand up to pee.)

The old shag carpet toilet covers that prevent the lid from staying up (the all time favorite). Carpeting the bathroom so the argument becomes about cleaning the rug. The Japanese of course invented lids that won’t go up or go up for a short time only. In Germany (or some other North Sea bordering country. BTW how did the most ferocious marauders and killers in Europe become the biggest P*ssies in the world?) the women tried/managed (I’m not sure) to get a LAW passed stating that men couldn’t stand up to pee.

Women; they fall in love with a man and the first thing they do is try to change the very thing(s) they were attracted by in the first place.
Mike
October 13th, 2011 @ 8:43 pm

Hey, it’s hard to be a top notch journalist AND the activities and party coordinator at the same time. Don’t worry, Smitty’s been takin’ up the slack for ya.

And one good thing about living in the country is being able to piss off the back or front porch and damn the neighbors.
Anonymous
October 13th, 2011 @ 9:17 pm

Re: Stewardesses. Have you watched that new show Pan-Am? The stewardesses are all pretty hot. The problem is that we still have the same stewardesses.

Actually, you have to either fly foreign carriers or the little regional airlines, because that’s where all the young attendants work.
Dell Hill
October 13th, 2011 @ 9:19 pm

” We did not hang out after that”

Well of course you didn’t!

Oh, you mean like getting together socially?

Never mind.
McGehee
October 13th, 2011 @ 9:55 pm

Any woman that wants to police whether I pee sitting or standing is going to get her shoes wet.

And just see if I ever leave the seat down again, wench.
McGehee
October 13th, 2011 @ 10:36 pm

That would make a unique travelogue.
Joe
October 14th, 2011 @ 12:37 am

I figure I will wait till he gets married and show them at the wedding in a power point presentation.
Adjoran
October 14th, 2011 @ 1:00 am

That story’s from Canada, where the men are just happy they are allowed to keep their testicles (so far).

I don’t know if I could live anywhere with neighbors or a road so close I couldn’t pee in the curtilage. How else do you keep deer away from the garden?
Bob Belvedere
October 14th, 2011 @ 8:56 am

Jet Blue has babes.