The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Sex and Sammiches

Posted on | October 11, 2012 | 22 Comments

These are the two great arguments for marriage, but young folks don’t seem to understand what it’s all about:

Anyhow, if a woman is unwilling to commit to having sex on some sort of regular basis, then how on Earth can any man be reasonably expected to commit to never having sex with anyone else?  If 104 times per year is too much and justifies a refusal to commit to it, then how much is a reasonable average expectation?

Son, you start talking like that, you’re displaying a fatal weakness. And if there’s anything a woman hates in a man, it’s weakness.

This is why I strongly support abstinence education: If a fellow doesn’t learn to do without sex before he gets married . . .

Seriously, though, the problem with these young fellows nowadays is that young women don’t know how to play hard to get and, in fact, they’re just too damned easy to get, period.

For a lot of kids, it starts in elementary school with the “boyfriend and girlfriend” game, and any boy that’s halfway cute has girls fawning all over him. (Ask the parents of boys how it is.) Even before there’s anything like actual sex involved, the boys get spoiled by all that female attention. It makes the boys arrogant and gives them an unfavorable impression of women generally as desperate, clinging, needy creatures.

There is no reason women should be stuck-up — cruelly aloof and distant — but at the same time, a woman does not enhance the value of her companionship by chasing after men. A woman can be friendly and even flirtatious without being easy, and the most brilliant women are those who know exactly where to draw the line, who convey by their manner some sense of their own dignity.

This is why the slut is hated by all decent women: Her promsicuity degrades the reputation and diminishes the value of all women.

Tramps, floozies, whores, hussies — call ’em what you will, women who put out are engaged in an activity that hurts society at large, insofar as society’s best interests are involved in the institution of marriage as a destination and safe harbor for women.

Whenever I lecture this way, some loudmouth woman will inevitably retort: “It takes two to tango.”

Quite true, and promiscuous men are not blameless for their own behavior, but in this particular supply/demand equation, if women refuse to make scarce with the commodity, the result is a buyer’s market and men will be reluctant to close the deal. Like the song says:

That’s when she told me a story
About free milk and a cow.
She said, “No hugging, no kissing
Until I get a wedding vow.”

 It’s old-fashioned advice, but it’s still true: Ladies should never chase after a man, and when a man starts chasing, don’t be easy to catch.

So much for the sex part, now for the sammiches. No matter what kind of postmodern feminist egalitarian bovine excrement any “expert” tries to foist upon you, ladies, your desireability as a wife — and ultimately, your odds of having a successful marriage — are enhanced by being competent in the domestic arts, otherwise known as women’s work: Cooking, cleaning, child care and so forth.

Such has been the vogue of man-hating feminist ideology in recent decades, however, that too many women have been persuaded that they are somehow Betraying the Sisterhood unless they manifest an outright contempt for the domestic arts.

One sometimes meets otherwise attractive young women who complain of their dismal marital prospects. They get dates from time to time, and drift in and out of transient “relationships” with boyfriends of various degrees of seriousness, but nobody’s offering them a diamond ring, begging on bended knee for their hand in marriage.

Well, Step One, make scare with the nookie — just cut off the sex supply, and let ’em do without — then Step Two, grow your hair long. (No matter what any hairdresser or fashion magazine says, guys like women with long hair.) And, finally, Step Three: How’s your cooking?

If you can’t so much as bake biscuits, don’t let me hear you whining that no man wants to marry you. All that dreamy schoolgirl talk about “soul mates” and so forth — bah! humbug! Marriage is a traditional institution, and its basic components are really immutable. Even non-traditional marriages are usually much more traditional in terms of division of labor than they appear on the surface, and I’m trying to think of a happy marriage where the wife couldn’t cook.

Trying hard. Trying real hard. Nope, sorry. Can’t think of one.

So, these are the Three Steps to Landing a Husband:

  1. No nookie.
  2. Long hair;
  3. Good cooking.

And if some fellow comes along and “demands a guarantee for sex twice a week” in marriage, tell him to go make his own damned sammiches.

(Hat-tip: Instapundit, whose wife is a psychologist, y’know.)


22 Responses to “Sex and Sammiches”

  1. MrPaulRevere
    October 11th, 2012 @ 3:30 am

    I have a sneaky feeling Amanda Marcotte will be none too pleased with this post.

  2. GAHCindy
    October 11th, 2012 @ 6:38 am

    Which makes it even better!

  3. SDN
    October 11th, 2012 @ 7:25 am

    What held for the Young British Soldier still holds true:

    Now, if you must marry, take care she is old —
    A troop-sergeant’s widow’s the nicest I’m told,
    For beauty won’t help if your rations is cold,
    Nor love ain’t enough for a soldier.
    ‘Nough, ‘nough, ‘nough for a soldier . . .

  4. Bob Belvedere
    October 11th, 2012 @ 8:05 am

    It’s always nice to start the day off with some Kipling. It braces you and sates the soul.

    Thanks, SDN.

  5. Bob Belvedere
    October 11th, 2012 @ 8:07 am

    Another fine mini-essay for that book you should be putting together.

    [And don’t give me that crap about ‘I only write for money’. The publishing world has changed, old man, and self-publishing is a way to get your name out there and, perhaps, make a few shekels.]

  6. Eric D. Mertz
    October 11th, 2012 @ 9:15 am

    I can think of one marriage off the top of my head in which the husband does the cooking, my parents. My dad actually prefers cooking and doing the grocery shopping. At first, mom took care of it, but then dad started grilling at camp and gradually took over more and more of the cooking as he discovered it was fun. That said, you are right with the majority of relationships. The old axiom about the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach still holds true.

  7. sheryl
    October 11th, 2012 @ 9:25 am

    Well, here is my advise from a woman who has been married 30 years. Have sex in marriage, lots of sex, whenever you can fit it in (no pun intended)! Enjoy each day. Once in a while an illness and or surgery can prevent even the manliest man from taking part in the extracurricular. When and if that happens, you had better make sure you really love that person, hardcore into the soul love. The type of love and devotion that can sustain that missing, very important part of marriage. So, have sex today.!!

  8. Dear Stacy | Daily Pundit
    October 11th, 2012 @ 10:12 am

    […] Stacy Posted on October 11, 2012 7:12 am by Bill Quick Sex and Sammiches : The Other McCain Tramps, floozies, whores, hussies — call ‘em what you will, women who put out are […]

  9. The Other McCain comments on sex, sluts, and sandwiches, not necessarily in that order « The Daley Gator
    October 11th, 2012 @ 10:47 am

    […] Feminist reading Stacy McCain’s post today will go ballistic, ranting and raving about SEXXXXXISM, and accuse him of hating women, excuse me […]

  10. Dave
    October 11th, 2012 @ 10:48 am

    I do the majority of the cooking for two reasons: I enjoy it, and I’m much better at it than my wife. That means, from a selfish standpoint, *I* eat better, which is a no small thing.

    I hate cleaning up and dishes though, so my wife does that.

    Works for us.

  11. Peregrine
    October 11th, 2012 @ 11:29 am

    No kidding. Poor soul seems to have missed the point entirely. You can argue for or against premarital sex, and I’m not going to do either one (as wiser heads than mine exist on both sides of that argument). However, that had 0% to do with the source quote. That has everything to do with after hitchification, and the fact that deliberate withholding is deliberate breaking of vows. (What the holy hell does anyone think “to have and to hold” means, anyway? It’s not just a poetical-sounding phrase.) You want him to hold up his end of the bargain, you damned well better do your part as well. Do that properly and the stuff not included in the vows (sammiches) tend to miraculously work themselves out.

  12. Greg Cavalli
    October 11th, 2012 @ 11:31 am

    I’ve been happily married for 9 years and I do the vast majority of the cooking for the simple reason that I’m much better at it and I actually enjoy it. My wife does most of the cleaning, though. I did enough of that crap as a Marine.

  13. Mark Andrew Edwards
    October 11th, 2012 @ 12:57 pm

    Here’s some advice for any men who end up with women after RSC’s heart: If she cuts you off, cut her out of your life. Seriously, if you let the woman dictate when and how often you get to have sex, that’s displaying the fatal weakness she’ll hate.

    Take it from someone who didn’t test drive enough before getting sold, make sure you’re sexually compatible before you make any ‘death do us part’ vows.

    Serious, if she cuts you off, start looking again. You’ll find someone more compatible. Plenty of fish in that sea.

  14. Roxeanne de Luca
    October 11th, 2012 @ 1:18 pm

    I’m a great cook. My hair is no longer down to my waist, but is still well below my shoulders. I’m waiting for marriage.

    Yet no diamond ring in sight.

    And that, Stace, is the problem with your argument: there are too many women out there (I’m hardly the only one) who are competent cooks, keep clean apartments, look nice, and aren’t total whores, and who are in their thirties and unmarried.

    Problematically, young men chase the sluts who would burn down the kitchen if they tried to make pasta, thinking that such women are “empowered” or “free spirits” or what-have-you.

    Problematically, luring a guy in with sex works, which is why some women do it (and why the sisterhood used to demand chastity: it prevents men from demanding sex as a condition of dating).

  15. Wombat_socho
    October 11th, 2012 @ 1:29 pm

    This is the flip side of the guys complaining that only the rat bastard slimeballs ever seem to get the girls. Not that there isn’t some truth to the complaint, mind you…

  16. Bob Belvedere
    October 11th, 2012 @ 1:59 pm

    Long as she’s the main person in charge of the rest of the domestic chores – men are better cooks after all because of their better salt taste bud.

  17. Bob Belvedere
    October 11th, 2012 @ 2:03 pm

    I think the problem is where you live, Roxe. It’s not only a Leftist stronghold, but a long-time union one.

    Move to New Hampshire [in the part up above Massholea] and I bet you’ll find some decent fellow. Any man who isn’t looking for someone like you is a Goddamn fool.

  18. Bob Belvedere
    October 11th, 2012 @ 2:11 pm

    Kinky Friedman…

    You uppity women I don’t understand
    Why you gotta go and try to act like a man,
    But before you make your weekly visit to the shrink
    You’d better occupy the kitchen, liberate the sink.

    Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
    That’s what I to my baby said,
    Women?’ liberation is a-going to your head,
    Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.

    Mean-hearted harpies are breaking all the laws
    Tearing up their girdles and a-burning up their bras,
    Now the air is dirty and the sex is clean
    And your coffee makes my hair turn green.

    Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
    That’s what I to my baby said,
    Women’s liberation is a-going to your head,
    Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.

  19. K-Bob
    October 11th, 2012 @ 7:18 pm

    My mom could cook, but I could cook better; not for an army, though, like she could, and not all day, every day, like she could. Same with my wife, who taught me a few things about food. Any man who can make stuff or fix stuff can cook. If you can hunt, you can cook. That’s the case for every hunter I know, for sure.

    So it really boils down to who has the time. In our case it was providential, and I truly mean that in the divine sense; that I be the one to do most of the cooking. I ended up being the caregiver in later years, and while I’m still a full redneck, I’m glad as can be that God let me love to cook. Otherwise we’d be eating fast food and frozen dinners for the rest of our lives.

    Let me restate all of that in another way: A man who can’t or won’t cook isn’t really maxing out his man card.

    I’ll leave the sex talk up to you kids.

  20. » Willing, and occasional won’ting
    October 12th, 2012 @ 10:28 am

    […] “The problem with these young fellows nowadays,” says Robert Stacy McCain, “is that young women don’t know how to play hard to get.” […]

  21. Micha_Elyi
    October 13th, 2012 @ 3:13 pm

    “…the boys get spoiled by all that female attention.”
    Don’t be misleading, RSM. This only applies to the relatively few boys getting “all that female attention”. And they are only a few; your talk about “halfway cute” is also misleading because whatever you’re calling the halfway mark is a lot closer to Justin Bieber’s cuteness level than it is to the average boy in school.
    Just look around you, as the feminists used to say. You’ll see that 90% of the girls interested in boys are giving most of their attention to 10% of the boys. Assuming the typical neighborhood elementary school has one class of 30 students with equal numbers of boys and girls per grade level, well do the math.
    0.1 x 15boys = 1boy. (There’s no such thing as less than a whole boy, therefore rounding down is required.)
    So out of 15 boys the boy-chasers among the girls manage to turn one boy “arrogant… (with) an unfavorable impression of women generally as desperate, clinging, needy creatures.” The other boys aren’t tempted toward arrogance by those girls because they lack direct experience of being chased but by observation they do acquire some of that unfavorable (but all too true!) impression.
    Already I can hear high-pitched cries of “NAWALT!” and in this rare case, they’re correct. Remember, 90% of the females in the chase are focused on the 10% – or the one and not every female is or has ever been a boy-chaser (but until one is well acquainted with any particular female, how are you going to bet?)
    A final observation: the sex-reversal of “all women are ‘desperate, clinging, needy creatures'” is “all men are pigs” and the latter is based even more unfairly on a much tinier sample size (often only one guy). Oh well, the expression “the fairer sex” refers only to their complexion, not to any love of square-dealing.

  22. John David Galt
    October 16th, 2012 @ 11:41 pm

    Amen to that. Any man who is even thinking about marriage needs a good dose of reality.