Deer: They’re Also Racist

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This is the front end of Ali Akbar’s Hyundai Sonata:

Is this my fault? It was my idea to go to Ohio, and Ali offered to drive, despite the known fact that deer hate me. Somehow, I blame myself.

It’s like living through a weird Twilight Zone episode, scripted by a grim Calvinist. Strange and savage things keep happening to me, as if there were a curse upon me for some ancient wrong I did, or almost as if I had inherited this terrible guilt. The election? Probably my fault, really. And even though I had nothing to do with the disaster of “Project ORCA,” it weighs on my conscience now at 4 a.m.

When the dark mood is on me, it seems I’m surrounded on every side by terrible consequences of failure, with no way out and no hope. My family is worried about me and, quite frankly, I’m starting to worry about me. As miserable as I feel after this dreadful election, at least the long road trips are over, and I can stay home and sleep safely without further brutal encounters with Nature’s Revenge, terrorism on four hooves.

That’s what I need: Rest. And no more driving. Click my heels three times and say, “There’s no place like home. And hit the freaking tip jar.”




 

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26 comments

  2. Thanks for your encouragement, Jackie. At times, it seems the entire universe is conspiring against me.

  3. Have Jefferson take you down to the local Sheetz for some Shweetz and coffee as a restorative, and know that whatever the hoof-rats do, we still have your back. #WAR!

  4. I was once a County Engineer in SE Ohio and took a look at the accident statistics in my county in an effort to see what I could do to lower accident rates, if possible. Better than two thirds of the accidents were with deer. Even I had one with a small Buck while running the roads I was responsible for.

  8. Everyone who can should hit Stacy’s freaking tip jar before this poor man’s curse claims another victim – next time it could be YOU! I bet the big storm that has all my relatives STILL sitting in the dark (thanks, FEMA, you bastids!) is somehow the fault of that dread curse that someone put on the head of the McCain clan in some misty old day long past. There is only one cure and that’s to give Stacy money, the curse fears an affluent Stacy.

  9. Despite this being NY State, one thing nobody cares about when it comes to “gun control” is killing deer because there are so many of them here. Nobody even cares if it’s hunting season or not, you can hear them getting shot at all day and night all year round in my town! So come visit and shoot at them too until you feel better. If you butcher them, I’ll cook ’em, but don’t ask me to eat them because I don’t like the way they taste and I’m askeered they’ll give me more Lyme disease.

  14. I hit the tip jar a couple days ago, Stacy, but hang in there; the politics are depressing, but you have your family and friends, and surely those take priority.

    Shut down the computer for a day or two, and get out into the real world. Enjoy life; it’s why we live.

  21. “thanks, FEMA, you bastids!” B.. b.. but, Zil! What are you talking about? O’ did such a great job on that hurricane, it won him re-election! (Must I say /sarc ?)

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