Kim’s Ex-Girlfriend Suffers Heartache, Execution by Firing Squad; Neal Sedaka Could Not Be Reached for Comment

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Every guy who has ever been dumped by a girl knows the feeling. You mope around the house, thinking back on all the good times you had together, and then you start dreaming of the day you become the paranoid dictator of a totalitarian police state:

Kim Jong-un’s ex-girlfriend was among a dozen well-known North Korean performers who were executed by firing squad nine days ago, according to South Korean reports.
Hyon Song-wol, a singer, rumoured to be a former lover of the North Korean leader, is said to have been arrested on Aug 17 with 11 others for violating laws against pornography.
The reports in South Korea’s Chosun Ilbo newspaper indicate that Hyon, a singer with the Unhasu Orchestra, was among those arrested on August 17 for violating domestic laws on pornography.
All 12 were machine-gunned three days later, with other members of North Korea’s most famous pop groups and their immediate families forced to watch. The onlookers were then sent to prison camps, victims of the regime’s assumption of guilt by association, the reports stated.

Kinda harsh, Kim. Couldn’t you have just asked her to return your varsity jacket? Or maybe work out the stress by nuking somebody?

 

40 comments

  3. To the Stalinists that ran the Soviet Union the Bible was porn. When you’re an absolute monarch, porn is whatever you say it is.

  5. The next time Dennis Rodman heads off to party with Kim Jong-un and the Norks, he may want to double check his luggage for previously forgotten pornography.

    Just in case. IYKWIMAITTYD.

  9. What I love is some of her song-titles listed on WeaselZippers. Apparently her popularity peaked in 2005 with “Excellent Horse-Like Lady.” Apparently they like Sarah Jessica Parker in Nork-land.

  10. Too true. At least conservatives don’t execute a girlfriend who has become troublesome (usually we just marry them).
    I think this will give the progressive assclowns an excuse to bust a cap in their baby-mommas ass …

  11. She probably said the wrong thing to the wrong group of people. Presto! Firing squad. Under no circumstances can the Kim family be seen as less than divine.

  12. Evidently, wifey was jealous.

    It’s one way to ensure domestic tranquility, I guess: “Oh, honey, she won’t ever be a problem again!”

    *Shudder*

  15. Maybe the horse thing is a reference to that weird galloping dance from Gangnam Style?

    Yeah, PSY’s artistic effort postdates that, but who knows, maybe that step was imported from above the 38th Parallel? You know how all the young kids love them some dictatorships. So long as they’re Communist dictatorships, I mean.

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