The Other McCain

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Florida Woman Makes Headlines in Pretty Much the Way You’d Expect

Posted on | September 10, 2018 | Comments Off on Florida Woman Makes Headlines in Pretty Much the Way You’d Expect

Danielle Delores Teeples was high on drugs, allegedly.

If you ever see “Florida Man” in a headline, you know the story’s going to be crazy, but “Florida Woman” gives him a good run for his money:

A woman in St. Petersburg, Fla., reportedly told authorities she took her clothes off and ran through a park naked in an attempt to get away from a “giant spider.”
The woman, identified as 40-year-old Danielle Delores Teeples, also admitted to police she had taken drugs, such as crystal meth and crack cocaine, prior to taking off her clothes, WFLA-News reported.
Witnesses who observed Teeples on Sunday told police the woman was “acting erratically,” rubbing her hands through her hair and on parts of her body while running through the park.
Teeples, who allegedly refused to put her clothes back on initially, was later arrested and charged with indecent exposure, the station reported.

Was the giant spider real, or just a figment of her drug-addled imagination? Probably the latter, although for all we know, Florida could be suffering an invasion of giant spiders, the same way the Everglades are now crawling with Burmese pythons. It’s a crazy place, Florida, and the residents often resort to illegal narcotics in an effort to cope with the craziness that surrounds them everywhere. However, the drugs only make the problem worse. What you need to cope with craziness is some kind of depressant — Xanax, maybe, or Oxycodone — whereas methamphetamine and crack cocaine are stimulants, and you don’t want to be jacked up on that stuff while trying to cope with Florida-level craziness. This is an amateur mistake, and Florida Woman is lucky she got away with nothing more than an indecent exposure charge.

(Hat-tip: Kirby McCain on Twitter.)

UPDATE: Welcome, Instapundit readers, and thanks to Ed Driscoll for this brilliant Gonzo lead-in: “We were somewhere around St. Petersburg, on the edge of Bartlett Park, when the drugs began to take hold.” If there is anything in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge, it’s a blogger reminding you of the Five Most Important Words in the English Language:




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