The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

Our Patriotic Duty

Posted on | July 7, 2022 | Comments Off on Our Patriotic Duty

That’s my son Jim, rigging the last fuse on our Fourth of July fireworks finale. We planned the show on very short notice — driving back from Georgia after attending my Aunt Pat’s memorial service Saturday — and were adding to the show as late as six o’clock Monday afternoon, when Jim sent me to Pyro Dudes to grab another 48 shells and 40 feet of extra fuse for the finale. Unlike previous years, when we bought cases of fireworks wholesale, this year’s supply was purchased retail, mostly from our friends at Pyro Dudes, who have excellent prices and discounts.

We have been doing this since the boys were little, and I regret that only Jim was able to be involved in this year’s show. Bob and his wife are in Alaska now, Jefferson is in a certain Midwestern state, where he will begin law school this fall, and Emerson is in Spain with his wife. Meanwhile, my wife and our youngest daughter Reagan are in Florida with our oldest daughter Kennedy, so that left just Jim and me to carry on the patriotic family tradition of shooting off beaucoup fireworks on the Fourth of July. My brother Kirby was there, and kicked in $50 to help fund the show. We had a couple of slight timing issues with the fuses, although this did not detract from the overall awesomeness of the display and, most importantly, everything detonated safely.

After nearly 20 years, we kind of take safety for granted, because the way we fuse things together, nobody is actually in vicinity of danger when the stuff goes off. We have occasionally had a shell blow up in the tube, and a couple of times we had cakes that tipped sideways, but nothing that would endanger spectators. Other people, however . . .

That video has gotten 37 million views on Twitter, and is a perfect example of how not to shoot fireworks safely. The first error is proximity. You don’t want your spectators to be sitting right next to where the fireworks are going off. Considering that aerial shells can travel 150 feet or more up in the air, what happens if one goes sideways? So, yes, a setback of at least 50 yards between fireworks and spectators is advised.

Their second error — and this is actually rather common, although not often so disastrous — is that they were shooting off fireworks within just a few yards of their stash. The result speaks for itself, in terms of why this is not advisable. One spark goes into your fireworks stash and BOOM!

Meanwhile, 911 dispatchers across America were plagued by “Karens”:

Fireworks incidents, complaints erupt across NJ
— WKXW-FM

Nassau police: 12 arrests made, hundreds of illegal fireworks complaints on July 4th
— News 12 The Bronx

Minneapolis: Stop calling 911 for fireworks noise complaints
— Bring Me the News

Thousands of firework calls tie up 911 emergency phone lines in Colorado
— KUSA-TV

It’s become an annual ritual — every Fourth of July, patriotic Americans celebrate with fireworks, and the neighborhood Karen calls 911. This is generally the same person who votes for politicians who want to tax and regulate everything. During the COVID-19 pandemic, the Karens were demanding vaccine mandates. No doubt their ancestors were grumbling about those hooligans that threw the tea in Boston Harbor.




 

Category: Fireworks

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