Days like these make me miss my old buddy John Hoge, who kept up with Brett Kimberlin’s various pro se “LOLsuits,” as he called them. The minutia of these legal proceedings are beyond my comprehension, and once I beat him in court (“Sue Me Again, You Evil Liar”), I lost interest in the pipsqueak pipebomber. Nevertheless, he persisted. He has spent years trying to find some way to get the federal courts to overturn his previous convictions, in a case styled Brett Kimberlin v. United States of America, which pretty much sums it up. Kimberlin hates America, and America ought to hate him back twice as hard.
Well, the Seventh Circuit Court of Appeals has had just about enough of Kimberlin’s pro se pettifogging, and smacked him down hard:
Brett Kimberlin, who finished his sentences for his (numerous) federal crimes years ago, continues to seek judicial declarations that one or another of those convictions is invalid—though, because Kimberlin is no longer in custody, he cannot obtain relief under 28 U.S.C. [Section] 2255. Even if he were in custody, the time limits and restrictions on successive petitions in that statute would foreclose relief.
Seeking to avoid the requirements of [Section] 2255, Kimberlin has repeatedly sought writs of coram nobis. Several years ago we explained to Kimberlin that this relief is not available to him, given the fact that multiple convictions (with all of their collateral consequences) would remain even if some of his convictions were to be set aside. . . .
Nonetheless, Kimberlin once again asked the district court for coram nobis. He lost once again and has appealed once again. We affirm once again.
The writ of coram nobis has been abolished. Fed. R. Civ. P. 60(e). Collateral relief from federal convictions has been channeled through §2255, unless that statute is ineffective. Kimberlin does not contend that [Section] 2255 is ineffective, as the Supreme Court understood the statutory language in Jones v. Hendrix, 599 U.S. 465 (2023). Instead he asks us to overrule decisions of this circuit (including the decision in his most recent appeal) that stand in his way or to certify a question to the Supreme Court. We decline these requests.
Kimberlin has had his day in court—his many, many days in court. The contentions that he raises have been considered over and again. He is free to ask the Supreme Court (again) for review, but his options in this court have come to an end.
AFFIRMED
What was that ghostly laughter I just heard? Never mind. Anyone familiar with Kimberlin knows why, despite the fact that “he cannot obtain relief,” as the court said, he was trying to get those convictions thrown out. He wanted to be able to sue people for calling him a convicted felon. If he could ever get those convictions overturned, even on the flimsiest technicality, Kimberlin could then go around demanding that various articles about him be deleted from the Internet, and suing whatever enemies he decided to target.
He got laughed out of court by the Seventh Circuit, and note that they double-dog dared him to appeal to the Supreme Court (again). The facts and the law are clear. Brett Kimberlin is still guilty — GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY!
