Voorhees Announces Late Entry to 2012 GOP Field; Huntsman Reportedly Worried

T. Coddington Van Voorhees VII hears the call:

“With the President vulnerable and so many sensible government contracts at stake, they have persuaded me that the GOP electorate is yearning for the one voice in our party brave enough to consistently stand athwart the Tea Party lunacy. And, with the entire current Republican field variably afflicted with this madness, I could not help but relent to their entreaties. …
“And for my fellow sensible conservative Americans, let me assure you that in T. Coddington Van Voorhees VII you will now have a choice — not an echo. As the only Republican in this race who is dedicated to the future reduction in the rate of increase of the rate of increase of federal government, you can pull the lever in full confidence that your federally funded retirement and health care and education and automobiles and solar panel rebates will be preserved, in full accordance with conservative principles.”

We expect the Voorhees juggernaut will immediately challenge Jon Huntsman (Real Clear Politics average 2%) for the “margin of error” vote.

You may ask, what’s the difference between Coddy Voorhees and Jon Huntsman? Well, one of them is a complete joke.

And the other is a satirical character created by Iowahawk.

Soon to Be a ‘Downfall’ Video Parody: Huntsman Campaign Goes Broke!

The man I dubbed “Governor Asterisk” in August has spent more than $4 million dollars to achieve a Real Clear Politics poll average of 1.6% and is now about half a million bucks in the red:

Jon Huntsman’s presidential campaign is verging on broke after burning through more than $4 million since the former Utah governor entered the race for the Republican nomination in June.
The Huntsman campaign, which re-trenched last month by laying off staff and moving its national quarters to the must-win primary state of New Hampshire, finished the third fundraising quarter in September with just $327,000 in the bank and $890,000 in debt.
Since joining the race on June 21, Huntsman raised $2.26 million and contributed $2.25 million of his own money to the campaign for a total $4.51 million.
But a campaign official told CNN Friday that they have spent $4.18 million, leaving Huntsman with a paltry war chest as the GOP nomination fights heats up.

Wait until Hitler hears about this. He’s gonna be pissed.

UPDATE: Just checking the archives, it was while live-blogging the debate at Ames, Iowa — Aug. 11, at precisely 9:10 p.m. ET — that I wrote: “Jon Huntsman, asterisk.” And then subsequently:

9:29 p.m. ET: Question for Jon “Asterisk” Huntsman. He talks about how wonderful his record is in Utah. . . .
9:33 p.m. ET: Susan Ferrichio asks a question of Governor Asterisk, who says . . . eh, something.

The guy’s poll numbers never exceeded the statistical margin of error, and yet here he was chewing up valuable debate time as if this lightweight who had accepted an ambassadorship from Barack Obama had a snowball’s chance in hell of becoming the Republican 2012 nominee to oppose his former boss? Who could believe such a thing? So on the morning before the Sept. 12 debate in Tampa, this was how my American Spectator column began:

Governor Asterisk
Jon Huntsman doesn’t belong in the GOP debates.

TAMPA — CNN’s Wolf Blitzer should begin the Republican presidential debate tonight by asking Jon Huntsman a simple question: “Why are you here?”
The former Utah governor’s campaign has no obvious political rationale and is barely a statistical blip in national polls. Since he officially announced his 2012 presidential bid in June, Huntsman has only once (in early August) polled as high as 4 percent. Five of the six most recent national surveys show Huntsman’s support among Republican voters at a mere 1 percent — less than the margin of error. Despite the effective non-existence of his support, however, Huntsman will be among the eight candidates on stage tonight (8 p.m. ET) for the debate at the Florida State Fairgrounds sponsored by the Tea Party Express.
Of course, Blitzer would never question the legitimacy of Huntsman’s candidacy for the simple reason that the CNN anchor is a leading member of Huntsman’s most important constituency, the media. . . .

Like I said: Wait until Hitler hears about this.

UPDATE II: Jon Huntsman: I Am the 99%

UPDATE III: Hitler probably won’t take this news too well, either: Cain Campaign Finished Third Quarter With $1.3 Million Cash on Hand, No Debt

UPDATE IV: More bad headlines for Der Führer:

Huntsman Campaign $550K in the Red
— ABC News

Huntsman campaign reports nearly $1 million in
debt, even after donating $2 million to himself

— Associated Press

Jon Huntsman campaign nearly broke
— CBS News

Gov. Benzene: Huntsman a ‘Green’ Phony

For weeks, I’ve been mystified and irritated by the media’s love affair with Jon Huntsman, the former Utah governor who joined the Obama administration just about the time most conservatives were joining the Tea Party movement.

Why the hell is this guy — “Governor Asterisk,” an irrelevant distraction, a Charlie Crist clone who represents no actual GOP constituency — being included in the Republican debates and treated with fawning deference by the media? After last night’s debate, when Huntsman attacked Rick Perry as “anti-science” for his skepticism toward global warming, I remarked, “Might as well invite Al Gore to the GOP debates.”

Turns out that remark was more accurate than I suspected because, just like Gore, Huntsman is a two-faced hypocrite whose “green” rhetoric doesn’t match his record. Although Huntsman has been called “the greenest Republican in the presidential race” — which may account for the MSM’s otherwise inexplicable crush on him — his actual record has been exposed by the Environmental Integrity Project in a devastating report full of nasty little details like this:

[E]missions at two Huntsman Chemical plants increased significantly between 2009 and 2010, by more than 50 percent at the company’s facility in Port Neches, Texas. While the candidate is no longer a manager of The Huntsman Corporation, recent data show that he is heavily invested in the company. Furthermore, John Huntsman Jr. was a member of the board of directors when Huntsman employees committed the illegal acts that led to the company paying a substantial civil penalty and saw two managers sentenced to jail terms for illegal releases of benzene. . . .
None of the other candidates has a history of actual regulatory run-ins with the EPA, and none of them has a family connection with a corporation that is a major polluter today.

So while managers of his company go to jail for illegal pollution, Huntsman wants to go to the White House as a Friend of Gaia.

No wonder the liberals love him: He’s almost as phony as Obama.

UPDATE: Liberal commentator Jeff Greenfield sneers at Huntsman:

There is, of course, no formal political equivalent of the Lady Byng Trophy. Instead, every four years, the press corps dubs one candidate the exemplar of tough, honest, truth-telling, willing to confront his or her party’s orthodoxies with a cold blast of reality. That candidate wins praise from columnists; a warm embrace from a news magazine; admiring profiles on network news shows.
The only thing the Lady Byng winner never wins — never, ever, ever — is a presidential nomination.

There ought to be a lot more such sneering.

UPDATE II: The one candidate South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley won’t endorse.

DNC Quotes Governor Asterisk

During my Iowa trip, I began referring to Jon Huntsman as “Governor Asterisk,” because his support in the GOP primaries is somewhere between “too small to be measured” and utterly non-existent. He is an irrelevant footnote to the campaign, a spokesman for no meaningful Republican constituency, who clutters up the stage at debates and gets vastly more media attention than he deserves.

Instapundit last night linked a Politico column pointing out that the Democratic National Committee sent out a memo quoting Huntman’s statements on the Sunday talk shows. Huntsman’s presidential campaign is therefore functioning as a propaganda tool for Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.

Huntsman doesn’t represents any particular Republican faction. Rather, he represents a point in time — late 2008 through spring 2009 — when a lot of “smart” people in the GOP seemed to believe that the Obama ascendancy was more or less permanent. The way to succeed as a Republican in the Obama era, these people believed, was to cooperate in the patriotic spirit of Bipartisan Compromise.

You can run down the list of names of those who succumbed to this nonsense: Arlen Specter, Charlie Crist, Dede Scozzafava, Bob Bennett — and, while we’re at it, let’s go ahead and throw John Cornyn‘s name in there, too.

When Huntsman accepted an appointment from Obama as ambassador to China, the former Utah governor probably little suspected that the political tide would turn as soon as it did. He might have expected that he could return from Beijing in a couple of years and be welcomed by a GOP chastised by defeat. Instead, by the time he returned to seek the presidential nomination, the Republican Party had rolled to its biggest mid-term landslide in more than half a century.

Huntsman is the fossil remnant of a brief political epoch — the Age of the RINOsaurs, if you will — and is destined to the oblivion that all such creatures richly deserve.

2012 Candidates Not Named ‘Herman’

It’s kinda been all-Herman, all-the-time here lately, so let me update you on what’s going on with the non-Hermans:

And finally, Newt Gingrich becomes a punchline:

We now return you to your regularly-scheduled (neutral and objective) reminder to join the online grassroots army at Citizens for Cain.


Got Any Good Jon Huntsman Jokes?

He’s the son of a billionaire who is Obama’s ambassador to China but now is probably running for the GOP nomination, which is why I’m trying to stock up on jokes. Dave Weigel’s got a real knee-slapper from Bill Daley:

I want Jon to know that the president has no hard feelings. In fact, he just did an interview with the Tea Party Express saying how integral he has been to the success of the Obama administration.

Also, “Huntsman’s team . . . is heavy on McCain 2008 veterans.” Dave wanted reactions to this announcement, and so I e-mailed him mine:

I can’t get excited about Huntsman. Or I should say, I couldn’t get excited about Huntsman for less than $9,000 a month. For the right price, I could probably even get excited about Tim Pawlenty, but I doubt T-Paw’s in a position to spend that kind of cash, whereas Huntsman’s richer than God. He could afford to pay me $9,000 not to make fun of him. And if anyone has any contacts with Team Huntsman, please pass that info along to them. Otherwise, they can look forward to lots of vicious snark at Huntsman’s expense.
— RSM
“Monetizing the Blogsophere the Old-Fashioned Way”

* * * * *

On the other hand, I understand that my blog readers aren’t billionaires, so if y’all want to hit the tip jar, it won’t take $9,000 a month for me to keep up a steady diet of Huntsman jokes until we laugh him completely out of the race. And if I ever stop snarking at his expense . . . well, you’ll understand, right?