Rock and Roll, and Other Subjects About Which Dan Collins Knows Nothing

Posted on | April 27, 2012 | 64 Comments

Granted, this could be a very long post, but I just happened to notice Dan blathering on about some artsy New Wave poseurs and felt a need to point out the Neutral Objective Fact that no genuinely great rock and roll music was recorded after Sept. 25, 1980, the day John Bonham died.

How awesome was Led Zeppelin? For the most part, the lyrics were incomprehensible gibberish. More often than not, Robert Plant sang flat.

And nobody f–kin’ cared, because it was so f–kin’ awesome.

Also, we were all stoned out of our minds, because it was the ’70s.

What callow punks like Dan Collins probably don’t understand is that Zep played some great dance music. Believe it or not, kids, back in the day, long-haired freaks used to dance to rock and roll. And it was beautiful, too, because you had these hippie-type chicks in floral midriff tops and hiphugger bellbottom jeans groovin’ to the crazy syncopated rhythms that Bonzo laid down.

Picture in your mind the multicolored blacklight day-glo posters on the wall, and a sweaty smoke-filled roomful of hippie-type girls — with long, long hair — shakin’ it to “Misty Mountain Hop”:

No, wait — better yet — “The Ocean”:

“Trampled Underfoot”:

“D’Yer Mak’er”:

“Black Dog”:

If you lack the imagination to realize how f–kin’ awesome that was, there’s no point in my trying to explain it to you. Kathy Shaidle recently asserted that The Who were better than Zep. But she’s Canadian, which is kind of a synonym for “retarded” anyway.

Back in the day, you could call people “retarded” without being accused of insensitivity. You never saw headlines like this:

Anheuser-Busch Warns UFC About
Fighters’ Sexist, Homophobic Comments

Bite me, you faggot bitches.

See? You could say stuff like that back in the 1970s and nobody really cared, because everything was cool back then.

Until John Bonham died, and it’s all been going to hell ever since.

Category: History, Kathy Shaidle, Music, Protein Wisdom

Comments

64 Responses to “Rock and Roll, and Other Subjects About Which Dan Collins Knows Nothing”

joethefatman
April 27th, 2012 @ 10:51 am

zep sucked then and sucks now in quite honest opinion.
richard mcenroe
April 27th, 2012 @ 10:55 am

Zep is okay, but they’re no Archies.
vermontaigne
April 27th, 2012 @ 11:01 am

Balderdash. I like a lot of Zep stuff, and I recall a thing or two about dancing with hippie chicks, even vertically.

You realize, SUH . . . this means WAH!
McGehee
April 27th, 2012 @ 11:11 am

From the looks of the comments this post is going over like … something inflatable that’s made out of a heavy metal. Or something.
ThePaganTemple
April 27th, 2012 @ 11:15 am

Yep, Zep was one of the all-time greats, definitely in the top ten groups if not number one. Another example of the whole being greater than the sum of its parts.
vermontaigne
April 27th, 2012 @ 11:22 am

Zep were great, sui generis. It’s all the copycat crap that sucked. No great band has ever given rise to so much horrible emulation.
Finrod Felagund
April 27th, 2012 @ 11:44 am

One measure of Led Zeppelin’s greatness: at one point they had six albums all on the charts at the same time.

I was having a discussion with friends and we were trying to think of bands that have had six albums total that charted at any time since 1990. The list is awfully short, the only ones we were able to come up with is Pearl Jam, They Might Be Giants, and “Weird Al” Yankovic.

Edit: I think Foo Fighters have also charted six albums.
Governor Squid
April 27th, 2012 @ 12:04 pm

I hate it when touchy-feely emo kids complain about my calling something “retarded.” I mean, really — that holier-than-thou crap is just so gay.
Don Surber
April 27th, 2012 @ 12:34 pm

Who/Zep — jocks/stoners

The argument remains the same
Ford Prefect
April 27th, 2012 @ 12:35 pm

I was never a huge Zep fan but the larger point should be made here:

There is no doubt that the rock artists of the 70s were stand-outs in the history of popular American music. They had a good combo of serious musicianship plus contemporary attitude.

Just take a look at the artists who were at their peak in that decade:

The Moody Blues
Emerson, Lake, and Palmer
Pink Floyd
Yes
Queen
Alan Parsons Project
Styx
Electric Light Orchestra
Jethro Tull
Chicago
Elton John
Rolling Stones
The Eagles
The Who
Paul McCartney/Wings
Fleetwood Mac
Earth, Wind & Fire
KISS
Lynyrd Skynyrd
Aerosmith
Grateful Dead
The Beach Boys
Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young
Billy Joel
Creedence Clearwater Revival
Three Dog Night
King Crimson
Boston
Commodores
AC/DC
Doobie Brothers
ZZ Top
The Guess Who
Steely Dan
Santana
Journey
Foreigner
Kansas
Heart
The Doors
Meatloaf

and so on.

And I haven’t even scratched the surface with this list. Admittedly, I’m an art rock fan so I put those bands at the top of my list while others might list artists like Stevie Wonder, Orleans, Little River Band, The BeeGees, Supertramp, Genesis, Blue Oyster Cult, The Band, Todd Rundgren, Jefferson Starship, Manfred Mann’s Earth Band and so on.

It was a wealth of musical riches in the 70s. Top 40 radio actually played listenable music. I was a DJ back in those days and while there were some clunkers, it’s amazing to think back about the general high quality of that era’s popular music.

And hey, I haven’t even mentioned the highly listenable, if oft maligned “Middle of the Road” artists of the 70s like The Carpenters, Barry Manilow, James Taylor, Carly Simon, Paul Simon, Jim Croce, Bread, America, Gordon Lightfoot, etc.

Certainly today we have a lot of Indy artists like Maroon 5 and Daniel Powter who perform in the MOR space so musicianship is not totally dead but unfortunately, those artists are more rare than they once were.I blame poor musical education for the drop in quality (of both the artists and the listeners).
Ford Prefect
April 27th, 2012 @ 12:43 pm

I think the word is spelled “ghay”. 😉
ThePaganTemple
April 27th, 2012 @ 1:23 pm

It’s all flash and dazzle now. Artists are picked for their sex appeal, and their ability to dance. And that’s all choreographed. Sure, they have to be able to sing, technically speaking. But there’s no great songwriters today, not in comparison to the numerous ones of the sixties, seventies, and even eighties. And in concert, the production is everything, and takes precedence over the song. It seems that groups are discouraged. After all, a single artist can’t break up with himself.

And while the singer is performing, you have high-wire artists and jugglers in the background, light shows and fireworks. It’s only a matter of time before some clown sits on a portable commode and takes a shit in the middle of a song, probably one by Lady Gaga.
Mark Goluskin
April 27th, 2012 @ 1:27 pm

I checked your list twice, one band I did NOT see is Black Sabbath. Right up there with Zep, IMHO. And that is Zep #1. Period.
Pathfinder's wife
April 27th, 2012 @ 1:43 pm

Zep was cool, but I’m more of a Metallica (pre-black album), White Zombie, Disturbed, and Tool are good “pop music”.
Dick Dale, Eddie House, Gary Davis, Bessie Smith, Big Bill, Flatt and Scruggs, Peggy Lee, Nat King Cole, Coltrane, Frankie and Dean, and both Stevies…that’s if I’m in a classics type of mood.And classical music…that’s good at all times. (Sam Barber never gets enough love for his Adagio imhao).Rolling Stones and Co. just don’t do a thing for me.
Zilla of the Resistance
April 27th, 2012 @ 1:45 pm

I am teaching my children well, they like to dance around the house to the album Houses of the Holy.
Pathfinder's wife
April 27th, 2012 @ 1:46 pm

…although, I do like listening to Jim Croce and KC & the Sunshine Band, Sly and the Family Stone ever so often.
Don Surber Hangs It Up: One Of The Best Calls It Quits - The POH Diaries
April 27th, 2012 @ 1:58 pm

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Wombat_socho
April 27th, 2012 @ 2:06 pm

As a non-jock, non-stoner former high school cadet, I object violently to the characterization of The Who as a jock band. >:(
Christy Waters
April 27th, 2012 @ 2:38 pm

There were soooo many things you could say in the ’70s that you can’t say now, because back then people didn’t carry a perpetual chip on their shoulders, like they do now. Go watch one of those old Dean Martin Roasts… hilarious stuff, but you’d never be able to air something like that today.

Political correctness has done more to kill freedom of speech than any govt regulation ever has, and we’ve imposed it upon ourselves.
richard mcenroe
April 27th, 2012 @ 3:02 pm

“Sui generis”? Does that mean if you call the pigs, Zep comes running? Or just their groupies?
richard mcenroe
April 27th, 2012 @ 3:21 pm

Take a shit? Dude. G.G. Allen and the Murder Junkies. That is SO 90’s…
Adjoran
April 27th, 2012 @ 3:29 pm

Loved Zep and had all their albums in vinyl and then replaced them with CDs. BUT it has to be acknowledged that they plagiarized so many songs that calling them “the greatest” is a total sham.

Page and Bonham were among the best on their instruments, but stealing from poor old bluesmen isn’t an honorable way to get rich.
Taxpayer1234
April 27th, 2012 @ 4:06 pm

“…the Neutral Objective Fact that no genuinely great rock and roll music was recorded after Sept. 25, 1980, the day John Bonham died.”

Amen, Brother!

Zeppelin makes the Beatles look like the Jonas Brothers.
Taxpayer1234
April 27th, 2012 @ 4:07 pm

Exactly. Ever watch “Blazing Saddles” on a movie channel? It’s a freakin’ SATIRE, and they still bleep out all the epithets. Last time I saw it, they even bleeped out the farts in the campfire scene!
Taxpayer1234
April 27th, 2012 @ 4:07 pm

Echoes of Quadrophenia “Mods vs. Rockers”…
Taxpayer1234
April 27th, 2012 @ 4:08 pm

Yay!

My kid knows how to play some Zep on her violin and her daddy’s guitar.
Zilla of the Resistance
April 27th, 2012 @ 4:17 pm

Now THAT is totally freaking awesome!
Taxpayer1234
April 27th, 2012 @ 4:21 pm

Yeah, it’s pretty cool to see your kid play “Dazed and Confused,” even if it’s just a few bars.
Evi L. Bloggerlady
April 27th, 2012 @ 4:32 pm

I was at a party doing quarter shots when the news of Bonham was made known to me.
TWB
April 27th, 2012 @ 4:49 pm

Black Dog rocks. Just disregard the lyrics.
TWB
April 27th, 2012 @ 4:51 pm

Oh, and let me add, Zoso is the best album. Ever.
Sewerpiper
April 27th, 2012 @ 5:06 pm

Most of the bands on your list may have played in the 70’s, but they good ones started in the 60″s
Bob Belvedere
April 27th, 2012 @ 6:28 pm

Take that back, sir!

Miss Pamela, Sweet Sweet Connie, and Cythia Plastercaster were goddesses!
Bob Belvedere
April 27th, 2012 @ 6:32 pm

It’s my theory that every form of music reaches a level of incoherence after a while. What happened to Jazz, starting with Be-Bop, happened to Rock And Roll in the 1990’s.
Bob Belvedere
April 27th, 2012 @ 6:35 pm

I, too, did at first, but then I sussed out that Mr. Surber was speaking of the fans who liked them.

It is ironic that any jocks would like The Who, who were pro-Mod.
Bob Belvedere
April 27th, 2012 @ 6:35 pm

WE ARE THE MODS!
WE ARE THE MODS!
WE ARE WE ARE WE ARE THE MODS!
Bob Belvedere
April 27th, 2012 @ 6:39 pm

Wrong.

Are you a blues fan? Everybody steals everything from everybody.

Zeppelin made one mistake: not acknowledging Willie Dixon as an author of Whole Lotta Love, but they gave him the proper credits on the first album.
Bob Belvedere
April 27th, 2012 @ 6:47 pm

While 25 Spetember 1980 was the day the music died, as it were, many of us had a feeling it was coming after Ian Curtis of Joy Division hung himself on 18 May 1980.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joy_Division#Closer_and_Curtis.27_suicide
Wasserjungen
April 27th, 2012 @ 7:10 pm

Zep was an FORCE, everything died with Bonzo though. They knew it and so they broke up. I’m 100% on board with RSM about that. There has however been a lot of good music since then but the Nadir of Rock and Roll was 1979. BTW I too like Disturbed PW, but it doesn’t come close to Maynard’s bands Tool and A Perfect Circle.
Mike G.
April 27th, 2012 @ 7:18 pm

Zeppelin quit while they were still on the top of the charts. Their entire catalog of albums were in the Billboard top 200 at the time of Bonham’s death.

When I’m in my shop listening to Zeppelin as I carve, I turn it up and disturb the neighbors by pumpin’ da noise through a pair of Bose 2000 speakers in tandem with a pair of KLH series 20 speakers.
Pathfinder's wife
April 27th, 2012 @ 8:42 pm

Eh, I still think the old blues guys did the songs better.
Sorry…I like Zep, but they always seemed a bit overrated (lots of individual talent, but not “the greatest ever”); the whole scene was overrated actually.
…dancing (standing in place looking for all the world like a grand mal), ratty clothes wearing (there’s something way wrong about rich whitebread college kids buying up ratty clothes at the Goodwill store; their parents should have kicked their collective butt), long (greasy) haired hippies (smelling like kitty litter due to the combo of stank, pot, and patchouli)…I don’t see how anybody found that alluring even if it did put out quicker than a Pattaya hooker.
(I am so glad I did not grow up back then…so glad.)
Pathfinder's wife
April 27th, 2012 @ 8:53 pm

Different types of music, so it’s hard to compare them.
Wasserjungen
April 27th, 2012 @ 8:57 pm

Yeah but it’s all good.
gahrie
April 27th, 2012 @ 9:18 pm

On April 4, 1964, the Beatles held the top 5 positions on the Billboard play chart, and had a total of 12 songs in the top 100.
ThePaganTemple
April 27th, 2012 @ 11:23 pm

I’ve never heard of them, but everybody has heard of Lady Gaga, and tens of millions of people hang on her every word and appearance. That’s the shame of the current state of music today. A woman can come out carried in an egg, or dressed in meat, and people pass her off as a great artist. The fact that her music is mediocre at best is irrelevant to these hucksters.
ThePaganTemple
April 27th, 2012 @ 11:25 pm

It depends on what channel you watch, and what time. USA is horrible for stuff like that. They made one of my all time favorite movies, The Usual Suspects, almost unwatchable.
ThePaganTemple
April 27th, 2012 @ 11:27 pm

John Paul Jones was/is no slouch himself. One of the all time great bass players, and can play practically any other instrument on top of that. And still going strong.
ThePaganTemple
April 27th, 2012 @ 11:28 pm

Hey Hey What Can I Say?
Taxpayer1234
April 27th, 2012 @ 11:34 pm

TBS is the worst, IMO.
richard mcenroe
April 27th, 2012 @ 11:35 pm

First Biker: Man, what happened? Back in the 70’s Biker Chicks wuz hot, man! What happened.

Second Biker: (bummed) Same chicks…