Kate Beckinsale’s Ghastly Vagina of Death: Another Ex-Starlet Aborts Her Career

Posted on | May 10, 2012 | 60 Comments

Formerly attractive actress Kate Beckinsale, before she
turned her vagina into a political statement.

Maybe you have heard of Kate Beckinsale, an actress who used to be considered attractive. In fact, when she was still young — about 15 years ago — guys who saw her nude scene in Uncovered widely regarded Beckinsale as “hot.” As recently as last week, if you had asked guys to name some reasonably good-looking actresses in their late 30s, Kate Beckinsale might have made the top 10.

Then she killed it.

Her vagina, I mean.

When Smitty took note of the “Funny or Die” video Monday — it wasn’t funny, and therefore, died — I didn’t immediately realize that the producers of that unfunny partisan political ad had actually got a moderately well-known actress involved in their miscalculated election-year slur. Then I read Wyblog and learned the shocking truth.

Judy Greer? Andrea Savage? Never heard of ’em. But Kate Beckinsale? Yeah, that name rang a bell in a “nice rack, pretty face” kind of way.

Why would an attractive, young and reasonably successful actress get herself mixed up in that feminists-mocking-Republicans crap? There is a reason that kind of stunt-politics stuff is monopolized by D-listers and over-the-hill has-beens like Ashley Judd.

If an actress is young and hot, the last thing in the world she wants is to get mixed up in politics. Young hot actresses in Hollywood are cast for roles based entirely on the fact that they are young and hot, and their box-office appeal can only be damaged by taking controversial stands on political issues. The people who buy movie tickets don’t care whether an actress is Republican or Democrat, as long as she’s got a nice rack and a pretty face. As Sam Goldwyn once said, “If you want to send a message, call Western Union.”

Few things are more annoying than a starlet who supposes that she is employed on the basis of her extraordinary talent. Congratulations, darling: You remembered your lines and hit your mark. Let’s just call the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences right now and nominate you for an Oscar in the “Best Rack” category, OK?

What happens with such people, I think, is that they get so used to being catered to and fawned over, they actually start thinking of themselves as superior beings, and imagine that we lesses mortals are actually in need of enlightenment from them.

So when Kate Beckinsale chose to turn her vagina into a political statement, she killed it. And by “it,” I mean her vagina, which by logical extension is ultimately what we refer to when we speak of an actress as having “sex appeal.”

Abortion is about death, Ms. Beckinsale, and by publicly enlisting your vagina on the side of death, you killed it. Christian Toto reminds us:

Beckinsale, who stars in the upcoming “Total Recall” remake, once said she couldn’t believe anyone would actually admit to being a Republican in the first place.

We come to bury Kate Beckinsale’s vagina, not to praise it. After having bared her young tatas in Uncovered, the notorious homewrecker stole another woman’s husband while he was directing her in a forgettable vampire picture nine years ago, when she was still young and reasonably attractive — before she killed her vagina.

So now the remake of Total Recall will star a once-attractive actress with a dead vagina. The critics might not notice, but we will.

UPDATE: Some progressive troll on Twitter decided to complain about “objectification,” which prompted me to respond:

When an actress stars in a POLITICAL AD about ‘MY VAGINA,’ don’t complain about “objectification,” OK?

The title of the Funny or Die video was, after all, “Republicans, Get in My Vagina.” That is to say, Beckinsale and her colleagues thought it would be “cute” to make their vaginas the point of the “joke.” And we can say nothing in reply except polite demurrals?

Nuh-uh. Homey don’t play that.

RECENTLY:

April 29: Five Academy Award-Winning Beauties Who Are Moms (Unlike Ashley Judd)
April 29: Ashley Judd Makes Cruel and Tasteless Jokes About Abortion in Political Video
April 10: Ashley Judd, Victim of the War on Women

Category: Abortion, Celebrities, Hollywood, National Offend a Feminist Week

Comments

60 Responses to “Kate Beckinsale’s Ghastly Vagina of Death: Another Ex-Starlet Aborts Her Career”

King Shamus
May 10th, 2012 @ 11:51 pm

Yeah, I’m probably gonna skip a lot of Kate ‘Ghoulish Anorexic Harpy’ Beckinsale’s flicks for a while.

Like, forever.
4joachim
May 10th, 2012 @ 11:52 pm

“There is a reason that kind of stunt-politics stuff is monopolized by D-listers and over-the-hill has-beens like …”

… not to praise it. After having bared her young tatas in Uncovered, the notorious homewrecker
stole another woman’s husband while
he was directing her in a
forgettable vampire picture nine years ago, when she was still young and
reasonably attractive — before she

===
too bad
so sad
DonaldDouglas
May 10th, 2012 @ 11:57 pm

Are you sure that pic’s of Beckinsale?
JeffS
May 10th, 2012 @ 11:58 pm

Honestly, the only reason I remember Kate Beckinsale in the first place is that she wears tight clothing in “Van Helsing” and “Underworld”.

That and the guns. Hot girls with guns need not act at all. There was no real acting in “Underworld” — just wholesale slaughter. “Van Helsing” at least tried to have a plot.
JeffS
May 11th, 2012 @ 12:00 am

PS: I had resolved to avoid the “Total Recall” remake until it hit DVD. Now, I’ll wait until I catch it on TV late one night. Dead vaginas do not interest me.
1389AD
May 11th, 2012 @ 12:12 am

Kate who?
robertstacymccain
May 11th, 2012 @ 12:18 am

Have removed the wrong photo. Will insert correct photo.
Adjoran
May 11th, 2012 @ 12:19 am

Actors and actresses aren’t known for their intelligence. Some certainly are intelligent, but it is their rarity that gets them noticed. And these days, Hollywood is very political and all leftist. Everyone is “expected” to have the “correct” opinions, vote liberal Democrat, and support anything gays want. That’s just it. And conservatives stand out like sore thumbs – and don’t get invited to the best parties and sometimes are blacklisted from the good roles (although the leftist producers see no irony in that at all).

So I basically am willing to give all those airheads a pass for the occasional stupid remark at awards ceremonies (well, maybe the fact I never watch them helps me tolerate it) or on the red carpet. They have no clue, it’s just what all the cool kids do, and that’s fine.

But to do a commercial requirements something of a commitment of time and effort, and clearly attaches your name and reputation to the cause you are promoting. Maybe some do it at the urging of their agents (any exposure can help a flagging career), but that’s no excuse. Those things can easily take the better part of a day if things don’t go well, this is a person who believes in the cause.

I can’t boycott her, because she’s just a generic starlet to me. I don’t know if she’s in a movie I see or not. But I don’t go to movies very often at all these days, too many jerks on the phone, talking through the movie, etc.

But I have to say that Putrid Dead Vaginas might be a decent band name. Probably need to be punk or grunge rock, though.
DonaldDouglas
May 11th, 2012 @ 12:20 am

Well, whoever it was she was smokin’ — maybe an update on her later, the mysterious hottie.
robertstacymccain
May 11th, 2012 @ 12:24 am

OK, I have now gotten a certified Kate Beckinsale photo.

I’m told that the mistaken photo was Petra Nemcova.
vermontaigne
May 11th, 2012 @ 12:35 am

A vagina is a terrible thing to waste.
Adobe_Walls
May 11th, 2012 @ 12:55 am

Furthermore too many of today’s movies rely on CGI effects at the expense of story and character development and then charge way to much.
robertstacymccain
May 11th, 2012 @ 12:57 am

Indeed! The tragedy of vaginacide!
AnitaPiece
May 11th, 2012 @ 1:02 am

Stacy, I am compelled to let you know that you have done Ashley Judd a disservice in your rather one-dimensional description of her.

She’s not just an over-the-hill has-been, she’s a puffy-faced, over-the-hill has-been.
robertstacymccain
May 11th, 2012 @ 1:12 am

Doggone, I forgot to mention her puffy face!
robertstacymccain
May 11th, 2012 @ 1:13 am

But I said “over-the-hill has-beens like Ashley Judd,” see, and most over-the-hill has-beens don’t have faces that puffy.
recovering lizard
May 11th, 2012 @ 1:24 am

Reminded of this exchange from Tootsie:

John Van Horne: I’m just an untalented old has-been.
Dorothy Michaels: Were you ever famous?
John Van Horne: No.
Dorothy Michaels: Then how can you be a has-been?
AnitaPiece
May 11th, 2012 @ 1:26 am

Yes, she is one of the puffier-faced of the over-the-hill has-beens.

But, you’re being positively Clintonian in your weasle words. Admit it, you forgot an important part of any discription involving somone who’s mucked about with her rapidly-aging face like Ashley Judd obviously has.

And you call yourself a jounalist. *shakes head sadly*
Charles
May 11th, 2012 @ 1:55 am

Kate stars in one of my favorite movies, the 1996 cult classic Cold Comfort Farm (it may be a cult of one), so thanks for the Uncovered tip.

Total Recall has Jessica Biel in the hottie role. Kate is in the evil Sharon Stone role. The bad guy, in other words, the dead vagina. So this Funny or Die video is actually great marketing.

Kate is a Brit, so she’s got that Piers Morgan complete lack of understanding of American politics. Also, Kate is 1/16 Burmese, which makes her more Indian than Elizabeth Warren.
Adjoran
May 11th, 2012 @ 2:25 am

Especially since so much already goes to waste. A few years back, research noted the average reported length of an erect male member was 6 inches, whereas the average vagina can accommodate 8 inches.

This means that in the United States alone there is at least 4700 miles of vagina that goes unused.

And to think there are starving children in Africa!
Adjoran
May 11th, 2012 @ 2:27 am

It’s not the puffy face she should be worrying about. Baby got back, too.
Dan Murray
May 11th, 2012 @ 7:38 am

I love Kate but for the life of me I cannot understand the Hollywood liberal mind—I know she is smart but to publically knok Republicans, well not well thought out….need more exposure to Fox news. dan
Saul
May 11th, 2012 @ 8:43 am

Your claim that Beckinsale’s bod doesn’t excite you would be a lot more believable if you hadn’t already featured her three times this year in Rule 5.

And seriously…you’re arguing politics with a woman by insulting her vagina? When you describe that kind of thinking as “logical”, the Inigo Montoya principal kicks in.
PhillyCon
May 11th, 2012 @ 8:56 am

So true. Thats why a TV show like Mad Men sticks out. There’s actually a plot and character development. Such quaint notions.
vermontaigne
May 11th, 2012 @ 9:07 am

That needs an infographic.
vermontaigne
May 11th, 2012 @ 9:09 am

Please, stop advocating necrophilia.
Dork Shadows: Sleepy, Hollow
May 11th, 2012 @ 11:06 am

[…] from Stacy, on Kate Beckinsale’s undead end. ShareThanks for rating this! Now tell the world how you feel via Twitter. (Nah, it's cool; just […]
ThePaganTemple
May 11th, 2012 @ 11:43 am

These kinds of actresses are usually suffering and dealing with the worst kind of PTSD a once young and beautiful actress could suffer. It usually begins when they go to audition for a role in a movie. The casting director takes a good, long, and appreciative look at her, thereby getting her hopes up. Then she hears those long dreaded words of doom.

“I think you’d be perfect for the part of Tommy’s mom.”
Bob Belvedere
May 11th, 2012 @ 12:11 pm

The three women mentioned, who were in the video, have just been banned from Rule 5 postings by The TCOTS Rule Five Compliance Committee.
Bob Belvedere
May 11th, 2012 @ 12:12 pm

Wow, man, you’re getting old.

Have you had yourself checked out for Low T???
Bob Belvedere
May 11th, 2012 @ 12:15 pm

That needs detailed, close-up, HD pictures, Dr. Collins.

Yours…
Dr. Clyde ‘Fingers’ Proctor OB-SCT [Scatologist],Chief of Vaginology,The Lord Fatheringay Von Whoopsie Memorial Hospital and Tiki Bar[on my lunch hours and weekends, I practice as Dr. Robert Oswald Belvedere, OB-GYN]
Bob Belvedere
May 11th, 2012 @ 12:17 pm

WaPo should fire him! [oh…wait….]
ThePaganTemple
May 11th, 2012 @ 12:26 pm

It’s not that hard to figure out. Hollywood is controlled by lefties. The writers, lefties, directors, lefties, producers, lefties, on down the line, so if you want to do good in Hollywood and you’re an actor/actress, then you’d better either be a leftie or at the very least keep your mouth shut, at least until you establish enough of a fan base and following to where you can come out, like Tom Sellick. Then, you’d still better walk on eggshells when it comes to certain issues, like pole smokers rights, etc.

It helps the process along to a great extent that most actors/actresses are already lefties to begin with. I think it probably has something to do with feeling at home in a world of make believe.
Wombat_socho
May 11th, 2012 @ 12:28 pm

Duly noted. Rule 5 linkers, take note.
Wombat_socho
May 11th, 2012 @ 12:29 pm

You know, some of us like the butt. Just sayin’.
ThePaganTemple
May 11th, 2012 @ 1:30 pm

If you like that ass you must really love wrinkles and cellulite.
ThePaganTemple
May 11th, 2012 @ 2:52 pm

Go to Google pics, put Beckinsale’s name in the search bar, and the same pic will probably be somewhere among the first. They do that all the time, you search for a pic of a certain person and somebody else’s pic will sometimes pop up just because the name of the person you’re searching for happens to be mentioned in the article or post.
Wombat_socho
May 11th, 2012 @ 3:33 pm

I wasn’t referring to THAT butt.
Daniel Schwartz
May 11th, 2012 @ 3:51 pm

http://injennifershead.com/?p=1841

’nuff said.
RichFader
May 11th, 2012 @ 4:02 pm

For some reason, when I read the words “Get In My Vagina”, I imagine Roseanne Barr bellowing them, in a bad Scottish accent.
Dai Alanye
May 11th, 2012 @ 4:05 pm

Personally I’d be happier if these women stopped talking about their vaginas all the time when, in fact, they often mean their pudendas. Can’t we at least have a little more technical accuracy, for crying out loud?
Bob Belvedere
May 11th, 2012 @ 6:02 pm

Ashley and her Judds, too.
Bob Belvedere
May 11th, 2012 @ 6:05 pm

Indeed. However, this obession with the backside in the last twenty or so years has led to the grotesque being considered okay for display. Kim K’s but is so big and abnormal that it’s unattractive. Whereas, Miss Hendricks’s is exactly right for her body type.
Bob Belvedere
May 11th, 2012 @ 6:15 pm

I think it has more to do with the nature of their profession.

Think about it: a budding actor or actress spends all of their time thinking about their craft and themselves. They also take any part they can get and, considering that Leftist have been writing the vast majority of the plays over the last eighty years, these dreamers / narcissists end up acting in only these proparganda pieces. Add to this the fact that, to be a decent actor, seems to require that you be rather dull-witted and you have self-involved fantacists [the make-believe your mention] who are very impressionable absorbing all this Leftist crap. Also add it: when they become successful, these drama queens love nothing better than to feel significant [or as an old homosexual friend put it so well: ‘They’re feeling really necessary’].

This crap stew produces what we see in 90% of the actors and actresses.
Bob Belvedere
May 11th, 2012 @ 6:23 pm

Good stuff.

I’ll have to add her to my version of the Blogroll.
ThePaganTemple
May 11th, 2012 @ 6:30 pm

So in other words, you’re saying they’re victims of the same propaganda they try to inflict on the rest of us. That makes a lot of sense. Especially since a lot of them probably grew up feeling alienated from most of the people around them, finding refuge in acting and in some cases playing the clown. Which would also possibly explain their affinity to pole smokers rights.
Bob Belvedere
May 11th, 2012 @ 7:08 pm

I think so. It also shows why thery’re usually Useful Idiots and Dupes rather than Fellow Travellers.
elaine
May 11th, 2012 @ 10:25 pm

Oh, I dunno… there’s something deliciously subversive about further “exploiting” women who’ve already exploited themselves.

Remember how the left had that meme about conservatives they’d like to hate f*ck? It’s kinda like that…

Or, think of it as making the point that really, all she’s good for is to be used as a sex object, because you certainly can’t expect to have a deep conversation with her…

And I say this as a chick… 🙂
Bob Belvedere
May 12th, 2012 @ 1:10 pm

Damn good point.

BTW: You’re not simply just a chick, as Francis Albert would say, you’re a broad.
Bob Belvedere
May 12th, 2012 @ 1:11 pm

Will Obama come out in favor of that next???