The Other McCain

"One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up." — Arthur Koestler

OK, It’s $1,179 One-Way to Auckland …

Posted on | October 15, 2011 | 33 Comments

. . . if I book now for an early February departure from Dulles International, and the connection via Air New Zealand to Bauerfield International Airport in Porta Vila, Vanuatu, would be another $400, so that my basic cost to get there would be roughly $1,600. Expedia offers a low rate of $147 a night at the Grand Hotel and Casino in Porta Vila.

We’ll worry about my return flight later. The key thing is that I must get to Vanuatu as soon as the Jan. 31 Florida primary is over and conduct my research mission, as I explained to Charles G. Hill at Dustbury:

Dear Mr. Hill:
Your interest in U.S. relations with Vanuatu is sincerely appreciated by the Cain administration, and the Shadow Secretary of State asked me to thank you for reminding us of the lack of an embassy in Porta Vila. Rest assured that remedying this “serious foreign policy failure” (to quote the Shadow Secretary) will be a top priority for President Cain.
Meanwhile, in order to further our diplomatic efforts, I am currently researching air travel arrangements to lead a delegation to investigate possible embassy sites in Porta Vila. It is not yet possible to provide a final estimate of airfare (via Brisbane) to Bauerfield International Airport, as the Cain foreign policy team must decide whether to schedule our “fact-finding mission” to depart in early February (i.e., following Mr. Cain’s victory in the crucial Florida primary), in June (i.e., after the primaries are complete), or in September (i.e., after the drunken bacchanalia at the GOP convention in Tampa). Nevertheless, your assistance in this matter is most welcome, and we have provided a special Web site for those wishing to help with the Vanuatu Project.
Thanks again for all you do.

Patriotically Yours,

Robert Stacy McCain
Future Ambassador to Vanuatu

* * * * *

Once I get to Porta Vila — immediately after the rainy season ends in February — I’ll be able to estimate how long this fact-finding mission will take. Choosing a site for the U.S. Embassy is a very serious business and not until that mission is complete will we worry about the return flight. Your help with the Vanuatu Project is profoundly appreciated.

And, of course, our delegation must have the proper supplies:


UPDATE: Welcome, Instapundit readers! It’s always good to have the endorsement of the future Attorney General. And as to the professor’s question about “what could go wrong” . . . .

Well, define “wrong.” I mean, we just sent Special Forces to Uganda. They’re still fighting in Libya and Qaddafi is still at large. The Obama administration has established a new threshold for what’s considered “success” in foreign policy, and it’s low enough that nothing that might result from my ambassadorship to Vanuatu could possibly be called “failure.”

UPDATE II: Linked by Don Surberthanks! So far, I haven’t had much success with the #OccupyVanuatu Twitter hashtag, but I’m sure it will catch on any day now . . .




33 Responses to “OK, It’s $1,179 One-Way to Auckland …”

  1. Richard Mcenroe
    October 15th, 2011 @ 10:55 pm

    gosh Stacy, you could do that a lot easier from the comfort of your own home just using Google Maps and Google Earth… hold on, there’s someone at the do

  2. Anonymous
    October 15th, 2011 @ 11:31 pm

    There is no substitute for on-the-scene investigation, Rich.

  3. ThePaganTemple
    October 15th, 2011 @ 11:32 pm

    Hey RSM I know what you could do to secure Cain’s gratitude and by extension that Venuatu appointment. Just convince the Republican officials of West Tennessee to move their primary up ahead of the Iowa caucus lol

  4. JeffS
    October 15th, 2011 @ 11:36 pm

    You could always join the Merchant Marines, Stacy, and hop a freighter to the South Pacific. 

  5. Joe
    October 15th, 2011 @ 11:38 pm

    Vanuatu is actually pretty nice.  But you might find Tahiti and French Polynesia more to your liking. 

  6. Charles
    October 15th, 2011 @ 11:39 pm

    Take care, or you’ll come back worshipping David Frum.

  7. Anonymous
    October 15th, 2011 @ 11:43 pm

    Is it possible that a one way flight to Vanuatu might lead to some domestic turbulence?

  8. Anonymous
    October 15th, 2011 @ 11:48 pm

    Good point. I’ll have to get *two* tickets. Let the kids fend for themselves for a few weeks. This is about SERIOUS FOREIGN POLICY!

  9. Anonymous
    October 15th, 2011 @ 11:59 pm

    Did we talk about this yet?

    “Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain, who has pledged to throw out the U.S. tax code, now says he would keep excise taxes on goods such as gasoline, beer and cigarettes.”

    I know you’re getting tired of me Mr McCain, but I’m just tryin” to look out for you. The Beer and cigarettes alone are gonna be a serious hit for you, I suspect.

    Seriously, even Bush vetoed the SCHIP taxes on tobacco, now it sounds like Cain will keep them in place even if he overturns the whole system. Any way you look at it…’s now 9-9-9-and oh, yeah, some other stuff too.

  10. ‘A Real Leader Dot Com’ : The Other McCain
    October 16th, 2011 @ 12:01 am

    […]   UPDATE: Welcome, Instapundit readers! And you may enjoy an update about my future career as U.S. Ambassador to Vanuatu.UPDATE II:Linked by The Lonely Conservative — thanks!   google_ad_client = […]

  11. Anonymous
    October 16th, 2011 @ 12:09 am

    Just one question, Joe: Who are you for?

    You’re anti-Cain — we get that — but your unloading of oppo-research files here in the comments would be less annoying if we knew which campaign is paying you to do it.

  12. Anonymous
    October 16th, 2011 @ 12:11 am

    McEnroe, I believe, is heading up our Tahiti bureau, but we’re still seeking an expert on French Polynesia. Can you recommend anybody? Our plan was for Professor Reynolds to become Attorney General, but if he knows anything about French Polynesia, perhaps he’d be more suitable for that gig.

  13. Anonymous
    October 16th, 2011 @ 12:15 am

    Nobody pays me….I pay you. (Not much, though)

    I’ve already said, I’m not sold on anybody. Cain really doesn’t seem bad to me except for this 999 business, which I don’t think he can get through Congress anyway. That’s why I want to hear what his other alternatives are.

  14. Anonymous
    October 16th, 2011 @ 12:18 am

    I’m thinking the expression on Mrs Other McCain’s face would have been priceless after you explained this plan/plot as a solo mission.

  15. Anonymous
    October 16th, 2011 @ 12:41 am

    Well, I want our vaca … er, fact-finding mission to Vanuatu to be a surprise.

  16. Anonymous
    October 16th, 2011 @ 12:42 am

    No, no: John Frum is the god of the Vanuatu cargo cult.

    David Frum’s never even heard of Vanuatu.

  17. steveegg
    October 16th, 2011 @ 9:30 am

    I could be persuaded to study French Polynesia, though my temperment is more conducive to telling Red China where to go IYKWIMAITYD

  18. Joe
    October 16th, 2011 @ 11:00 am

    Well Tahiti is part of French Polynesia, but I can volunteer if you need someone in a pinch.  I taught myself French from watching Pepe LePew. 

  19. Joe
    October 16th, 2011 @ 11:01 am

    David Frum is not John Frum…but if he goes there and trys to be John Frum it will not turn out well.  Think “The Man Who Would Be King” with about 1/100th the gravitas of Sean Connery. 

  20. Joe
    October 16th, 2011 @ 11:03 am

    I’ve already said, I’m not sold on anybody = Obama or Ron Paul. 

    Seriously, you have no preference?  I strongly suspect you are not telling the truth on that. 

  21. Joe
    October 16th, 2011 @ 11:04 am

    Can you at least call him Joey-D?

  22. Joe
    October 16th, 2011 @ 11:05 am

    I think David Brooks belongs to that cult. 

  23. 462 Days Until Jan. 20, 2013 : The Other McCain
    October 16th, 2011 @ 1:25 pm

    […] we’ve destroyed their crooked scheme for Mitt Romney’s coronation . . .Well, that one-way flight to Vanuatu is only $1,600. But maybe it’s too early to be planning for that. However, my flight to Las […]

  24. Richard Mcenroe
    October 16th, 2011 @ 2:06 pm

    French Polynesian advice: Stay upwind of the Tuamotus… never leave your door unlocked around the Legion garrison, and remember, Tahiti never fell to the Germans in 1940 and they’re tired of hearing about it.  You can NOT get Vichy water there…

  25. Charles
    October 16th, 2011 @ 3:10 pm

    It’s David J. Frum, by the way.

  26. Richard Mcenroe
    October 16th, 2011 @ 4:28 pm

    “Dear Stacy, 
    I do wish you would stop goading the supporters of the plucky little rustic, dear boy.  They provide ever so mucn entertainment in their dusty, toothless fashion.

    Frumley Brooks
    Mainstream Conservative Pundit”

  27. Daily scoreboard « Don Surber
    October 16th, 2011 @ 5:02 pm

    […] Having supported Herman Cain before supporting Herman Cain was cool, Robert Stacy McCain is now referring to himself as “Future Ambassador to […]

  28. Frosty
    October 16th, 2011 @ 7:40 pm

    I never heard called PortaVila — just Port Vila.  Sign me up as assistant ambassador as I lived there for 2 years and speak Bislama and some local languages.

  29. David R. Graham
    October 16th, 2011 @ 7:50 pm

    Carlton Browne of the FO – 1958

  30. Instapundit » Blog Archive » “SMART DIPLOMACY?” Stacy McCain, future ambassador to Vanuatu? Sure. What could go wrong?…
    October 16th, 2011 @ 8:20 pm

    […] DIPLOMACY?” Stacy McCain, future ambassador to Vanuatu? Sure. What could go […]

  31. The Brains behind “Airhead Autumn” | Koch's Tour
    October 16th, 2011 @ 9:19 pm

    […] to do what he does so well – on-site political reporting! (or to Auckland to be the future US Ambasaddor to Vanatau for his man, Herman Cain….) Share this:EmailPrintFacebookTwitterMoreDiggRedditStumbleUponLike […]

  32. Foreign Policy and the Cult of Experts : The Other McCain
    October 17th, 2011 @ 3:35 pm

    […] always meticulously pressed. And if he ever needs to know anything about Vanuatu, I’m sure he’ll ask the expert./**/ […]

  33. Foreign Policy and the Cult of Experts | Herman Cain PAC
    October 17th, 2011 @ 4:41 pm

    […] It may be no comfort to Daniel Drezner or Chris Buckley, but I hope David Brooks will be reassured to know that the creases of Herman Cain’s pants are always meticulously pressed. And if he ever needs to know anything about Vanuatu, I’m sure he’ll ask the expert. […]