What America Really Needs Today: Meghan McCain Talking About Her Boobs

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There are many important news stories I could be blogging about today. The latest polls show a statistical dead heat in the Alabama and Mississippi GOP presidential primaries. Greece has officially defaulted on its debt. Israel has reportedly delayed a military strike on Iran.

My ego tells me that there are thousands of readers checking their RSS feeds waiting to learn the answer to the question: “What will Stacy say about these breaking news developments?”

Yet I am a highly-skilled news industry professional, which is why I must suppress my narcissistic impulse to share my personal opinions on these topics, in order to give readers what they really want: Meghan McCain talking about her breasts.

“I’m not super skinny, I have large breasts, I know, they’re real, I can’t do anything about it, and like the Internet just has this really weird reaction to my body … I’ve seen a therapist about it. … I don’t really need people in politics or people sort of a little bit older to understand me or like me because there’s enough college students that seem to like me, and that’s all I really care about.”

So while I struggle against my egotistical delusion that you might be interested in my personal opinions about the Greek economy or the Republican presidential campaign, Cousin Meghan has no such dilemma: She knows exactly why you’re interested in her, and she’s making the most of it.

26 comments

  4. I think Forbes is in on the joke, but that would be mean.  I would rather see Bristol Palin discuss Tripp and OMG I think we will be treated to that very soon! 

    When you wish upon a star…   no no, Heaven, I’m in heaven (cue M. Chevalier the respectible old goat, even if he is dead now, I always remind the ladies, I’m not dead yet!)

  6.  Meghan McCain has attached herself to one of the film reviewers  at Ain’t It Cool News in order to score passes to movie screenings.  I guarantee she mooched off him to go to SXSW and is not there on a media pass. 

    She has also raved about Cowboys and Aliens, which proves she knows as much about film as she does politics.   

  8. At least if she’s talking about her boobs, she’s talking about a subject in which she actually has a bit of experience and knowledge, as opposed to everything else she talks about.
     

  10. WAR!: In “Dangerous Liaisons”, the Glenn Close character  is being bullied into sexual submission by the one played by John Malkovitch. She DOES NOT roll over and take it. She DOES NOT compromise.  A three-prong battle strategy to counter the elite media and Obama’s minions is provided at the link. We are in TOTAL WAR.

  14. And her boobs aren’t that good.

    I’m not sure we have enough data to make that kind of value judgment, Teach. We can say that her boobs are large — this is a Neutral Objective Fact — but it’s impossible to know whether they’re “that good” unless and until we have a chance to evaluate them in their entirety.

    For example, what is the diameter of her aureolas? How much do her breasts sag? Do they have any moles or stretch marks?

    All of these may factor into a calculus of whether they are “that good,” but of course that is merely a subjective evaluation — a matter of personal preference — rather than a Neutral Objective Fact.

    Remember: I am a highly-skilled news industry professional.

  18. It probably goes without saying that Miss McCain appears sufficiently narcissistic to qualify for a run for President.

  19. Well, since you’re married and I’m single, I guess it would be incumbent upon myself to take one for the team and make sure they are properly motorboatable.

    I’m sure liberals will get the vapors after that “seeeeexist” description of good breasts.

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