The Other McCain

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First in War, First in Peace, First on the List of Britain’s All-Time Enemies

Posted on | April 15, 2012 | 22 Comments

The Brits acknowledge George Washington’s greatness:

Our nation’s first president, who led the 13 colonies in the Revolution against England’s tyrannical rule, was picked by a wide margin in a National Army Museum in London poll as the greatest foe ever faced by Britain.
Washington delivered one of “the most jarring defeat(s)” ever inflicted upon the British Empire at the time, said author and historian Stephen Brumwell, according to London’s Telegraph.
“He was a worthy opponent,” he said.
Washington was selected among five other finalists, who were picked during an online poll that received at least 8,000 votes. The four other potential British foils were Ireland’s Michael Collins, France’s Napoleon Bonaparte, Germany’s Erwin Rommel, and Turkey’s Mustafa Kemal Ataturk.
Each commander had to actually lead an army in the field of battle against British troops — excluding political enemies such as Adolf Hitler — and had to have faced England during the 17th century or later, according to the National Army Museum.

So that leaves out William the Conqueror and William Wallace, as well as Aulus Plautius, Vespasian, Suetonius, Tacitus, and other Romans.

(Hat-tip: Amanda Read on Twitter.)


22 Responses to “First in War, First in Peace, First on the List of Britain’s All-Time Enemies”

  1. richard mcenroe
    April 15th, 2012 @ 11:31 pm

    Well, ya gotta leave out da guidos cuz technically there wasn’t an England then…

  2. John
    April 15th, 2012 @ 11:41 pm

    They picked an English gentleman who whipped up on Germans (hessians). Can’t argue with the choice though

  3. AnonymousDrivel
    April 15th, 2012 @ 11:53 pm

    And the greatest foe faced by the U.S.? FDR and Obama, but most probably Obama.

  4. ThePaganTemple
    April 15th, 2012 @ 11:55 pm

    There’s nothing in the universe more creative than the fucking British when they’re trying to figure out a way to get something from us without making it look like they’re kissing our asses. Probably wanting us to man another military base on their shores so they can reduce their own military spending. Why can’t they spend their time inventing a decent cuisine, or a better fucking toothpaste?

  5. Adobe_Walls
    April 16th, 2012 @ 12:37 am

    That’s what I like about you, you’re graciousness in the face of a compliment to who is probably the greatest American ever. His status as the greatest man in the world attested to by no lesser authority than King George the third when informed that Washington had refused power at the end of the war.

  6. ThePaganTemple
    April 16th, 2012 @ 12:41 am

     Beware of Greeks bearing gifts, and Englishmen bearing compliments.

  7. robertstacymccain
    April 16th, 2012 @ 12:43 am

    Never thought of Suetonius as a “guido,” but you have a point: Why should the ancient Roman get off the hook? They’re just a bunch of damned foreigners, and the wogs begin at Calais.

  8. ThePaganTemple
    April 16th, 2012 @ 12:43 am

    OT-Found another Hunter S. Thompson aficionado

    theshedHQJenny of The Hunter S. Thompson Memorial Menstrual Shed

  9. richard mcenroe
    April 16th, 2012 @ 1:40 am

     Actually, wog begins at Jones Beach…

  10. Adjoran
    April 16th, 2012 @ 5:22 am

     They just want to make sure we’ll save them again, this time from their imported enemies. 

  11. Dudge OH
    April 16th, 2012 @ 6:54 am

    This ex-pat Brit would have chosen Napoleon.

  12. Dudge OH
    April 16th, 2012 @ 7:02 am

    Makes me think of the wholly un-PC, (well, it was 70’s Britain), scene from “The Germans” episode of Fawlty Towers, where the doddery old Major character talks about West Indians being “n*****s”, Asian Indians being “w**s” and Germans being “k****s”.

  13. richard mcenroe
    April 16th, 2012 @ 10:31 am

     Napoleon never seized one foot of English soil.  We swiped a continent.  And it was the one with the roads right way round, too!

  14. ThePaganTemple
    April 16th, 2012 @ 10:52 am

     Exactly! If there’s one thing in his entire term Obama has done that’s worth a damn shit, his letting them know he wasn’t going to kiss theirs and our other Western European “allies” asses would be that one thing.

  15. Andrew Patrick
    April 16th, 2012 @ 11:46 am

    Washington is the right choice, because: he won.

    Wallace did not win. You should rather insert Robert the Bruce, but considering the Bruce was up against Edward II, the Hammer of the Sissypants, his victory is a mite diminished.

    Napoleon did not win. Playing fields of Eton and all of that.

    William the Bastard of Normandy kind of invented England as we know her. Putting him in raises too many ontological issues.

  16. ThePaganTemple
    April 16th, 2012 @ 12:51 pm

    The greatest conqueror of England was my old great-grandpappy Kelley, armed with naught but a box of nylon stockings and chocolate bars.

  17. Adobe_Walls
    April 16th, 2012 @ 1:56 pm

    Our victory also saved the British Empire.

  18. Dai
    April 16th, 2012 @ 3:01 pm


  19. daialanye
    April 16th, 2012 @ 3:06 pm

    In addition, had Harold not have had to defeat Harald Hardrada two weeks before, thereby weakening the Saxon forces, William most likely would have been driven into the sea.

    And we wouldn’t be using all these bastitch-French words.

  20. ThePaganTemple
    April 16th, 2012 @ 3:12 pm

     Actually, although it is not well known, the British people are predominantly of the same Celtic stock as their forebears who fought the Romans, well over eighty percent of their bloodline, in fact, while there is minimal left, if any at all, of the bloodlines of the Angles, Saxons, Frissians, and Jutes. So William the Conqueror should indeed qualify, as should the Bruce (Edward II, who founded Cambridge University, did not actually fight him directly so that doesn’t matter any more than Lincoln not directly taking charge of any Civil War battles means anything). So should King Canute, another great conqueror of Britain of Danish extraction.

    In any honest and fair-minded rendering of history, William should win, as he not only conquered England, he forged the future history of the nation we have come to know.

    The fact that this was purposely limited to a time not prior to the Eighteenth Century denotes this as a load of hogwash meant to kiss up to America. I’m telling you, they want something. They’re kissing us before they try to stick it to us.

  21. ThePaganTemple
    April 16th, 2012 @ 3:59 pm

    I just decided the winner of my very own “Woman Who Has Given Me The Best Sex Ever” contest, limited to only the women I slept with just over the last three years.

    The winner-my current girlfriend.

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