President Obama Sends Me E-Mail

Posted on | May 10, 2012 | 23 Comments

Once you give Democrats your e-mail address, this kind of stuff just keeps showing up in your inbox:

Robert —
Today, I was asked a direct question and gave a direct answer:
I believe that same-sex couples should be allowed to marry.
I hope you’ll take a moment to watch the conversation, consider it, and weigh in yourself on behalf of marriage equality:
http://my.barackobama.com/Marriage
I’ve always believed that gay and lesbian Americans should be treated fairly and equally. I was reluctant to use the term marriage because of the very powerful traditions it evokes. And I thought civil union laws that conferred legal rights upon gay and lesbian couples were a solution.
But over the course of several years I’ve talked to friends and family about this. I’ve thought about members of my staff in long-term, committed, same-sex relationships who are raising kids together. Through our efforts to end the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, I’ve gotten to know some of the gay and lesbian troops who are serving our country with honor and distinction.
What I’ve come to realize is that for loving, same-sex couples, the denial of marriage equality means that, in their eyes and the eyes of their children, they are still considered less than full citizens.
Even at my own dinner table, when I look at Sasha and Malia, who have friends whose parents are same-sex couples, I know it wouldn’t dawn on them that their friends’ parents should be treated differently.
So I decided it was time to affirm my personal belief that same-sex couples should be allowed to marry.
I respect the beliefs of others, and the right of religious institutions to act in accordance with their own doctrines. But I believe that in the eyes of the law, all Americans should be treated equally. And where states enact same-sex marriage, no federal act should invalidate them.
If you agree, you can stand up with me here.
Thank you,
Barack

A few notes on this correspondence:

It’s about him. It’s always about him.
He congratulates himself on giving a direct answer to a question, because that doesn’t happen very often.
He tells you which side of the argument to “weigh in” on.
There are unnamed other people who do not believe “that gay and lesbian Americans should be treated fairly and equally.”
Obama, however, has always “believed that gay and lesbian Americans should be treated fairly and equally” and, once his big-money gay donors threatened to stop writing him checks, he decided maybe he should say that out loud on national TV, six months before Election Day.
Also, Joe Biden had to go open his stupid mouth on national TV, which took away the option of saving this little surprise until after the election, damn it.
Obama was previously “reluctant” because of “very powerful traditions,” and we all know how respectful he’s always been toward traditions, right?
“I’ve talked to friends and family about this” — and by “friends and family,” he means major gay contributors who were threatening to cut of contributions to my re-election campaign.
He doesn’t name any “members of my staff in long-term, committed, same-sex relationships who are raising kids together,” because he wants to respect their privacy while using them as conveniently anonymous anecdotal evidence in a fundraising e-mail.
“I’ve gotten to know some of the gay and lesbian troops who are serving our country with honor and distinction” — these are the only members of the armed forces to whom he’s ever spoken. The Navy SEALs who took out Osama bin Laden? He didn’t give them any credit when he was spiking the football on the one-year anniversary, but he’s gotta make sure to give credit to the “honor and distinction” of The Gay and Lesbian Troops, so that gay people will write checks for his re-election campaign.
“Sasha and Malia . . . have friends whose parents are same-sex couples” — these are friends they met at Sidwell Friends School, the expensive ultra-snooty private school they attend, because I am such a proud supporter of Our Nation’s Public Education System.
“My personal belief that same-sex couples should be allowed to marry,” especially if gay donors are threatening to cut off their contributions to my re-election campaign.
“I respect the beliefs of others” — and by “respect,” I mean I’m planning to demonize them as deranged hateful bigots.
“[T]he right of religious institutions to act in accordance with their own doctrines” — hey, you remember how we’re going to force Catholic institutions to pay for abortion and contraceptives?
“[A]ll Americans should be treated equally” — especially major donors to my re-election campaign.
No fair wondering if this commitment to treating all Americans equally means that Obama is now opposed to affirmative action, you racists!
“And where states enact same-sex marriage, no federal act should invalidate them” — whereas, if you’re in one of the 32 states that have banned same-sex marriage, we’re going to crush you under the federal boot-heel as soon as I get re-elected.

You see, I’ve been getting these e-mails for years, so I am adept at translating Democratese.

Category: Barack Obama, Election 2012, Gays, Joe Biden, Marriage

Comments

23 Responses to “President Obama Sends Me E-Mail”

Evi L. Bloggerlady
May 10th, 2012 @ 10:01 am

I did not realize you were fluent in Obama. I linked you.http://evilbloggerlady.blogspot.com/2012/05/andrew-sullivan-is-condescending-about.html
Evi L. Bloggerlady
May 10th, 2012 @ 10:02 am

http://evilbloggerlady.blogspot.com/2012/05/gawker-calls-bs-on-obamas-gay-marriage.html I linked you here too. Well said.
FenelonSpoke
May 10th, 2012 @ 10:05 am

That was a very well done translation, Smitty. Thanks. You are made of much sterner stuff than I am. I am a very disaffected Democrat and I don’t even open what they send me,. I keep my name on the membership list so that I can tell them off whenever they call me.
Jay
May 10th, 2012 @ 10:05 am

There goes Barry Oh, waving around his “big stick” again.
Bob Belvedere
May 10th, 2012 @ 10:18 am

While Smitty is a Master Fisker, this one was done by the Lord High Chancellor Of Fisks, Stacy McCain.
Bob Belvedere
May 10th, 2012 @ 10:18 am

BRAIN BLEACH – STAT!
richard mcenroe
May 10th, 2012 @ 10:19 am

RT’d.
Bob Belvedere
May 10th, 2012 @ 10:20 am

I wonder how Barry and Lady Michbeth will react if the two girls turn Lesbian? Perhaps like a tolerant Cher did when Chastity announced it? Of when the girl decided to have her ‘sex-change’ operation???
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May 10th, 2012 @ 10:33 am

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CAPT Pete
May 10th, 2012 @ 10:48 am

and then this: following is a quote from President Obama’s statement on desecrating marriage yesterday:
“I have to tell you that over the course of several years as I have talked to friends and family and neighbors, when I think about members of my own staff who are in incredibly committed monogamous relationships, same-sex relationships, who are raising kids together; when I think about those soldiers or airmen or marines or sailors who are out there fighting on my behalf and yet feel constrained, even now that ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ is gone, because they are not able to commit themselves in a marriage, at a certain point I’ve just concluded that for me personally it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that I think same sex couples should be able to get married,”

Interesting – thought our military was serving on behalf of the nation – not this guy.

I assume you will not be surprised by this. November’s coming. You know what you need to do. Tell everyone.
It’s All About Him–It’s ALWAYS All About Him — The Conservative Pup
May 10th, 2012 @ 11:03 am

[…] Read it here. […]
Evi L. Bloggerlady
May 10th, 2012 @ 12:56 pm

And Stacy did a stellar job of it. Bravo!
SDN
May 10th, 2012 @ 12:59 pm

Not enough in this universe for that image….
FenelonSpoke
May 10th, 2012 @ 3:35 pm

Whoops; Sorry, Stacy; Good Job!!!
jwallin
May 10th, 2012 @ 3:52 pm

I think the timing was going to be just before the election.

This bounce or maybe flounce will peter out (i’m sorry) before the convention. Although the convention locale will bring it up again (just like my breakfast reading about this) I don’t think it’s going to last.

He can’t even rely on some friendly PR from the current leader of Russia.

Beta males just can’t get a break.

Oh, btw; THANKS JOE!!!
Adjoran
May 10th, 2012 @ 3:53 pm

That’s “Mister Ambassador” to you, Bub!
Adjoran
May 10th, 2012 @ 3:55 pm

As long as they aren’t punished with babies!
Evi L. Bloggerlady
May 10th, 2012 @ 3:56 pm

Since Mitt Romney’s high school history seems so relevant to this election, I am assuming the same holds true for Obama’s high school years? Who set up Barack Obama’s Big Comrades program with Frank Marshall Davis and more importantly, why did they set it up?
Adjoran
May 10th, 2012 @ 4:05 pm

Obama should just send out Me-mail.

Look at his speeches: whether it’s about the Seals getting bin Laden, the economy, jobs, whatever – it’s always first and foremost about “me” and “I” all the time. Remember his reassurance about unemployment? “It’s the first thing I think about when I get up in the morning and the last thing I think about before I go to bed at night.”

Fewer people are employed than in decades, but it’s okay because the Great One thinks about it twice a day! Hey, we can’t live off Food Stamps alone!

He’s a prissy, pissy, petty, preening, prancing peacock of a pretender to the Presidency – and yet some on our side think it’s best to allow him to be reelected to finish what he started. They prefer to see the country destroyed, decimated, thinking it better to rebuild from scratch, no matter the human costs.

I say, when de Revolution come, take out the turncoats first.
RichFader
May 10th, 2012 @ 5:10 pm

Short form: President Obama courageously tells active, influential and financially generous group of supporters pretty much exactly what they want to hear.
ThePaganTemple
May 10th, 2012 @ 6:58 pm

Then we’d have to endure one or both of them constantly appearing in PSA spots promoting “marriage equality” and putting an end to so-called “marriage apartheid” as Thomas Kanpp puts it.

I sometimes dread that the series finale of Life On Mars will prove prophetic.
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