Dammit, @CalebHowe, Get Better! UPDATE: Let’s Make It $30,000 Tonight

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You’re pissing me off here, Caleb. There’s no sick leave in the blogosphere, and this “going to the hospital” stuff is not allowed. Besides, quite honestly, I can’t handle the stress. Being a middle-aged blogger — “middle-aged,” if the life expectancy of a two-pack-a-day smoker is 106 — has become increasingly stressful.

First Andrew Breitbart died at 43, then Chip Gerdes died at 42, and the sense of living on borrowed time is really starting to get on my nerves. Besides all the stress problems you’re causing, Caleb, those of us who survive by rattling the tip jar are praying for you to have a miraculous sudden recovery, because:

  1. Otherwise, we’ll be stuck with your brother Ben, and we’ve never liked him as much as we like you;
    and
  2. Until you get better, we’ll feel vaguely guilty about asking readers to have pity on our pathetic needs.

There are too many pompous liberal douchebags who still need you to mock them, Caleb. And there are too many RINO sellouts who need to be exposed and driven into the oblivion of disgraced exile.

All this lollygagging around in the hospital, with the nurses giving you sponge baths? Not allowed. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

So I just contributed $20 to “Caleb’s Girls Fund,” and I’m telling all my readers to give as much as they can — $10, $20, $100, whatever — because this liver disease you’ve got is really bad for you, but I’m just getting too damned old to be dealing with all this stress.

GIVE NOW to CALEB’S GIRLS FUND!

UPDATE: As of 4 p.m., the fund was at $27,624 from 563 donors, an average donation of $49.97. The original goal was $25,000, which was raised in three days, but there’s no reason in the world it shouldn’t be $30,000 or $40,000 by Monday. This pisses me off because, really, it should never come to this.

Somebody on Twitter said “charity,” well, charity, my ass!

In the 2012 election cycle, the top 5 GOP conservative super-PACS raised $336.9 million, a lot of which went straight into the pockets of consultants, or was spent on lame-ass TV commercials that did little or nothing in terms of moving the needle of public opinion.

If you took just 10% of that super-PAC total ($33.4 million), you could pay 500 bloggers more than $67,000 a year.

Ask yourself if 500 Caleb Howes wouldn’t be more valuable than a bunch of consultants collecting fat commissions. I repeat: Charity, my ass.

Larry O’Connor himself gave $500, but the key to a crowdsourced fund drive is lots of small donations — lots of people giving $10, $20, $50 — because everybody can afford that. Hell, if I could give $20, a damned streetcorner hobo could panhandle up $5, y’know?

GIVE NOW to CALEB’S GIRLS FUND!

 

52 comments

  1. I remember when I hit my 40’s and the first wave of “Who died?!” deaths hit. Unsettling, I know.

  2. Yeah. I get occasional reports from down home about people I went to high school with. “Did you hear about ….?” And it’s shocking, because these were good people who lived safe and clean lives, whereas nobody thought I’d live to see 30.

    We’re all on borrowed time, man.

  4. 40s? Psssh. One of my classmates didn’t make it through our senior year of high school – dropped dead during a track meet of an unsuspected heart defect.

  5. When I was 37, a good online friend who was 3 days older than me died. He was the kind of guy that always seemed to be everywhere– and then he wasn’t.

  9. REMOTE RETROACTIVE INTERCESSORY PRAYER

    What happens when a group of people project a powerful feeling of positive thinking and other related emotions from love, prayer, encouragement or whatever else floats your boat are all directed at one person

    I don’t have the words to explain/prove that there is something to the power of collective prayers. The best way that I can explain it is by comparing the concept with the Fermi Paradox. The postulation is – Through out the ages man kind has been practicing, teaching and improving the art of collective prayer with many positive results. Common since tells me that it must be working.

    Many accept that prayer can aid in recovery, not due to divine influence but due to psychological and physical benefits. It has also been suggested that if a person knows that he or she is being prayed for it can be uplifting and increase morale, thus aiding recovery.

    My thinking is that prayer is a weak force that can be amplified by collect prayer. Furthermore, this force controls a much larger force that could be describe as a subconscious force. The good analogy would be how a transistor works.

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