YOLO .341, ‘F–K THE HATERS,’ and Other Evidence of Encroaching Madness

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Oliver Darcy has the mug shot of Samantha Lynne Goudie, who famously had a Breathalyzer-measured blood-alcohol content of .341 when she was arrested at a football game last week:

“Just went to jail #yolo,” Goudie, using the Twitter handle @Vodka_samm, tweeted.
“Blew a .341 in jail,” she added, saying “I’m going to get .341 tattooed on me because its so epic.”
Goudie, later tweeting “F**K THE HATERS,” deleted or deactivated her Twitter account sometime on Tuesday.

Goudie is a “student” at the University of Iowa, and one wonders what sort of academic rigor is possible when consuming such brain-damaging quantities of booze. She’s into tattoos.

Do girls usually get tattoos when they’re sober? I think not. Is there a correlation between drunkeness and sexual promiscuity? I think so.

Just checked the 2012 exit polls: 60% of voters ages 18-24 voted for Obama. What do you want to bet @Vodka_samm is a Democrat?

Michigan teacher Neal Erickson is probably a Democrat, too. And is now in prison, where Democrats belong.

Mary McCarthy, an editor at Russ Smith’s Slice.com, seemed offended by my “fat lesbian crisis” post. Years ago, I wrote a few pieces for Russ’s epic tabloid, NY Press, but he sold that and the legendary era of the late ’90s NY Press is now just a fading memory.

Trust me, it was awesome, unlike Mary McCarthy:

I’ve been a professional writer for nearly 20 years, including work in the Washington Post, Philadelphia Inquirer, Baltimore Sun, Victorian Homes magazine, many regional magazines in Maryland (two as Editor: What’s Up Eastern Shore and Chesapeake Family) and several newspaper humor columns (‘Quite Contrary’ for Frederick Gazette and Centreville Record Observer). . . .
I’ve appeared as a speaker at national conferences including BlogHer (’10, ’12), BloggyCon (’11, ’12), and the regional Bay to Ocean Writers Conference (’10, ’11, ’12, ’13, ’14). This fall, I start as a teacher in blogging and social media at The Writer’s Center in Washington, DC.

So I could slag her, but then my Twitter feed would fill up with angry people who want to tell me how wonderful Mary McCarthy is, and what an awful person I am for saying bad things about her, and threatening to sue me for defamation, harassment, etc.

And she’s too boring to deserve that. YOLO.

Freshman orientation for university students in Nova Scotia apparently includes Introduction to Canadian Poetry:

Y is for your sister
O is for oh so tight
U is for underage
N is for no consent
G is for grab that ass

Even in Canada, some people are upset about that:

Colin Dodds, president of the University, released this statement: ‘A recent Orientation Week event involving student leaders chanting inappropriate and offensive lyrics is completely inexcusable and violates our University’s commitment to upholding the values of equality and respect.
‘My colleagues and I were shocked by this incident and are deeply sorry that our students, and now the community at large, were exposed to disturbing sexually charged material.
‘The University regrets that this was allowed to occur and we apologize unreservedly.
‘I am taking measures to ensure it does not happen in the future.’

As bad as that particular sample of Canadian poetry was, was it really that much worse than the average Neil Young song?

Law-abiding citizens with guns? What an excellent idea!

Oberlin College? Not such an excellent idea.

Is pornography killing the economy? Well, it’s not helping Anthony Weiner.

Hey, remember when liberal celebrities were against war and stuff?

Do you really want to read more about Syria? Life’s too short. YOLO.

 

61 comments

  4. I can’t imagine boasting about blowing .341. My first reaction was “Why aren’t you DEAD?”

    I mean, Christ on a crutch. “Whoa, I accidentally shot anthrax up my nose and then crashed my Dad’s car off a freeway embankment and into a bus filled with widows, nuns and orphans! YOLO! FU, H8erz!!!!!!”

  9. When someone is in this shape, it’s highly unlikely that it’s the first time. Given that, who the hell is paying her tuition? Because an actual parent would have said, “no more money” after any of her previous “difficulties.”

    I’m guessing she’s a candidate for horizontal student “loans.” (IYKWIMAITTYD)

  11. This is obviously not the Mary McCarthy who famously wrote of Lillian Hellman: “Every word she writes is a lie, including ‘and’ and ‘the’.”

  13. Ace did have one of the best concluding lines ever:

    “We’re going to look into the Culture of Corruption in the schools, just like we did with the Catholic Church and the Penn State Football Program,” said absolutely nobody in the national media.

    That, of course, referred to teachers copulating with their students in high schools; in college, the students are (almost) all past the age of consent, though it seems as though somewhat fewer are above the age of imbecility. You won’t find anybody in the national media looking into the idiocy on campus because so many of them were idiocy on campus practitioners themselves.

    Our esteemed host wrote:

    Do girls usually get tattoos when they’re sober? I think not. Is there a correlation between drunkeness and sexual promiscuity? I think so.

    Does anybody get a tattoo sober? What sober 19 year old thinks that rad tribal tattoo on his 19 year old arm is going to look great when he’s 57?

  14. There are girls you take home to meet your parents, and girls that you marry, and then there are the girls you just have an occasional rockin’ good time with. Friends With Benefits might be too intimate a term, since Acquaintances With Benefits would seem to be a more accurate term in so many cases.

    That’s why college students are so supportive of infanticide abortion: too many of them have been Acquaintances With Benefits — a term which, in itself, might be too optimistic, given that acquaintances normally at least know the other person’s name — on too many occasions, and sometimes reproductive biology overcomes artificial (or no) contraception. (If only alcohol was a contraceptive!)

    When I was in college (the early 1970s; yes, I am that old) there was an uproar over the University of Kentucky’s then-quire-normal policy of in loco parentis. We were responsible adults, damn it, and should be treated as such, at which point we proceeded to prove exactly how responsible we really were.

  16. She reminds me far too much of the obnoxious people who come to class hungover (if at all) and don’t participate.

    OTOH, the number of people like that has gone down since I started upper division classes.

  18. “Do girls usually get tattoos when they’re sober? I think not.”

    Actually, I can answer that they do. I know one woman who has tattoos that took weeks of sessions; I know another who had tattoos done for spiritual reasons. In both cases, they were stone cold sober – and neither drinks much, anyway.

    I don’t really like tats, but I did think I should offer countervailing example.

  19. Slatternly! Wonderful word! The other day, my assistant asserted, firmly, that she was not a slattern with her laundry, even if she cannot fold a fitted sheet.

  20. Actually, I knew a girl with a rather large and intricate tattoo who apparently got it while quite sober. She was the recipient (or rather her tattoo was) of some rather snarky whispering in my class. It was a rather beautiful one, very well done, and an interesting subject matter: a Spitfire, flying over a field of poppies. I asked her about it. She said she got it to remember some people from her time in service, as well as her veteran grandfather (who apparently had nicknamed her “Spitfire” as a little girl). She was going to the engineering school and was a very bright and dedicated student…I fail to see where anyone could call her “slatternly” without reflecting quite badly on themselves.
    Sometimes we have to be careful with assumptions — they can be incorrect.

  21. Speaking honestly, a lot of people have trouble folding fitted sheets. Myself, I either wad them up in a semi-coherent ball, or put them right on the bed after washing them.

  24. How much are her parents paying for her college education so that Ms. Class can be WAY over the limit
    and hold up her middle fingers on the internet? Was she going for the Trayvon Martin middle finger pose?

  25. Looks like I reiterated what you already said.

    Having met people who hit all the right notes for outward proper appearance, yet are about as vile as can be on the inside, as well as rather rough appearing customers who are paragons of integrity, I have to say: I prefer the latter.

  26. Plus, “F***k the haters always makes me roll my eyes because of course the phrase itself makes her sound like she’s a loving little snowflake. Uh huh ;^)

  27. Some people never get above the age of imbecility.

    Oh, and most decent tattoo artists will refuse to tattoo someone that’s drunk. Saves them a lot of hassle for when the person sobers up and is unhappy with their new tat.

  28. Being 57 doesn’t enter into the equation for 19 year olds. In their fantasy universe they’ll be 19 forever.

  32. Of course not all women with tattoos are slatternly. But when you put yourself out there for God and everyone to see, well…

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