Perhaps Everyone in America Wants to Read About @ScottMuska’s Erection

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Scott Muska’s Twitter profile describes him as “Copywriter // Journalist // Lefty // Unselfish Lover,” and he elsewhere reveals that he is a 2010 graduate of Penn State University.

Do you want to read about Scott Muska’s erection? Because Scott Muska wants you to know he had one:

Dear Woman Who Was Sitting Next to Me
on The Plane When I Developed An Erection

That’s the headline at a site which seems to be share Scott Muska’s belief that this is “funny stuff.” Your mileage may vary:

In the interest of honesty and transparency, I acknowledge that your aesthetics probably factored into the whole erection thing. Because, well, you’re pretty.
Anyway, I first noticed you in Pittsburgh International, while we were sitting in the terminal waiting to board the flight. . . .
I momentarily lost my composure when I saw you — probably due your wardrobe choice of Lululemmon yoga pants that went very nicely with your butt, which looked like two crescent moons facing opposite each other?. . .

(Oh, you charming rogue.)

I boarded the plane and upon realizing I was assigned the seat next to you (what a treat!), I also noticed you were carrying a Kindle (women who read are hot) and that you smelled vaguely of suntan lotion (which always makes me think of kissing the first girl I ever loved at the public pool one summer day, something I won’t say is hot, really, because it’s weird to think back on making out with a 14-year-old, but yeah — that scent does it for me for whatever reason). . . .

(An earlier generation paid psychiatrists to listen to such things. Nowadays, these weirdos just spew it out on the Internet.)

I woke up when the flight attendant announced we had begun our descent. You woke up shortly after, rubbed your eyes, and glanced around. I was attempting to lock eyes with you as you surveyed your surroundings, thinking it might lead to a brief conversation about how crazy it was that we’d both conked out during the flight, and whether you also live in New York, and if so, would you like to eat street meat with me sometime?
But instead your eyes locked on my crotch. I gasped. (It should be noted that this was the first time a woman had spied my junk and I’ve gasped a negative gasp. I think.) Your sleepy expression turned into one that seemed like unpleasant surprise and thinly veiled anger. It was like you had never seen a pitched tent before.
It’s also possible that you were angry re: the lack of length. If so, I assure you that I make up for it in girth. . . .

(Dude, you just published that on the Internet, where everybody in the world can read about your stubby chubby, not to mention your erotic associations involving suntan lotion and 14-year-old girls.)

In hindsight, I probably should not have been traveling in basketball shorts.

(In hindsight, you should seek counseling.)

Eventually, you made eye contact, not really making an effort (or a successful one, anyway) to hide your revulsion. I blushed, shrugged, opened my notebook, and began drafting this letter to you.
Look: these things happen. I get random boners all the time. Especially when I’m in the proximity of a good-looking woman. It’s natural. And most of the time, I have zero control over when and how often boners happen. I’m virile, and for that I will not apologize.

So there you have it: Scott Muska gets “random boners all the time” whenever he is “in the proximity of a good-looking woman,” which we must assume is rather a rare experience for Scott Muska, perhaps in part because of his “lack of length,” but also because Scott Muska is the kind of creep who wears basketball shorts on airplanes and gets erections while fantasizing about 14-year-olds who smell like suntan lotion.

And for that, Scott Muska “will not apologize.”

Did we mention Scott Muska is a “Lefty” and an “Unselfish Lover”? Because that’s what Scott Muska says on his Twitter profile.

 

Category: Sex

111 comments

  8. The “Big Tent” the GOP keeps mentioning when talking about us conservatives. Just room enough for the GOP wing of the Libtard establishment.

  15. Forsooth, sir, doth you not see where from my own mockery and sarcasm of the learned fools cometh from? I am wounded, and my mortal coil precedes me!

  16. TROLL ALERT. Speaking of an earlier generation, the author’s response (and the ensuing commentator’s snarky obsession with boner– and gay?– jokes) suggests to me that there’s nothing I could possibly say to get a bunch of self-congratulating old blogfarts in on Scott’s kind of joke– which is a funny one, mind you.

    Also, based on the sheer number of comments, I guess more people DO want to read about Scott’s erection than any of your other articles. You guys should go get your own boners and leave Scott’s alone.

  18. Dear Woman Who Was Sitting Next To Me While I Masturbated In First Class

    What can I say, it was because of your choice of wardrobe… Your heaving bosoms looked like two ripe organic cantaloupes, on sale at Whole Foods 2 for $3. I noticed you were reading the Collected Works of Margaret Sanger (abortion rights chicks are hot!), and smelled vaguely of cigarettes and Ben Gay, which reminded me of kissing my aunt Gladys when she came to babysit in the fifth grade. You woke up from your nap and noticed me rubbing away at my girthy loins and yelled for the flight attendant. It’s possible that you were angry re: the lack of length. If so, I assure you that I make up for it in girth…or at least imagination. As my political stances show, I have the maturity of a 12 year-old, so I can’t help it if I get random boners in the presence of hot women (or that if I can tie a repeated event to a cause, that I don’t understand what “random” means). I won’t apologize.

    Glad I could get that off my chest.

  22. M’ ol’ scrollin’ finger is nigh on wore out tryin’ t’ keep that there loop of’n muh skreen…

  23. Obviously, you’ve never engaged in mockery and sarcasm before. That, or you have no sense of humor when it comes to liberal bashing.

    Come to think of it, it’s both.

    It must be Hell, going through life as you do, unable to comprehend human interaction at any level, you poor thing.

  26. I stick to Mountain Dew, because I need a balance of caffeine and sugar to keep going, and Dew already has the sugar added.

  28. It’s idiot 20-somethings like you that returned the Stuttering Clusterfuck of a Miserable Failure to the White House. Fuck the under-30.

  30. First of all, the thing by Scott was obviously written as a joke, who would seriously write a story like that. Just because you have no talent of your own to create a story, you have to mock those of others? I find Scott’s article pretty funny and looked at some of his other stuff that was pretty funny too. It isn’t Scott’s fault that you’re old and washed up with no redeeming work, except that of mocking others. At your super old age you should know better by now than to try and gain by putting others down, but that just ads to the truth that you’re a nobody.I hope Scott has much more success than your sorry excuse for a blogger ass, he is for sure a better writer.

  31. Not true Richard, this guy needs to move to New York or New Jersey and run for Congress as a Democrat. San Diego needs a mayor, too.

  34. He used to have second one, but his doctor told him he was having trouble maintaining an erection because he was “two tents”…

    I’ll be here all week! Try the veal!

  39. Let’s hope the woman doesn’t read Muska’s “humorous” account and recognize herself. Because what he’s really doing is mocking her for his own boorishness.

    He could have made it a self deprecating tale right up to the defiant “I won’t apologize.”

    Anyway, bitch was asking for it, sitting right next to him like that.

  43. What a doofus. We may be older than you, but we make up for it in experience. In essence, that makes us much wiser than you and your cohorts.

    And besides, us “old farts” think mocking the stutterings of you “wet behind the ears” youngsters is a lot of fun.

  44. I know lots of people with talent, among them raconteurs, anecdotists of great humor, and wildly funny inventive comic writers. This wasn’t funny. It wasn’t good, and not just because it was vulgar, because vulgar can be very funny. Even faintly creepy self absorption can be funny, (see also, Seinfeld)

    Here there was no joke, no story, no interesting resolution or even surprise. Just lameness start to finish and the sense this really happened and that Scott is a Weineresque creeper.

  45. Far less original and more in accord with your low level of intellect. That’s pretty much a standard leftard retort as that’s all y’all have in the holster anyway.

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