Just Call Me ‘Grandpa McCain’

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The Victory Through Breeding™ program — our long-term plan for McCain world dominance through superior procreative capacity — took an important step forward this morning with the birth of our first grandchild James William McCain Jr.

Equipped by ancestral heritage with a keen eye for quality womanhood, our son Jim clearly chose well in his selection of the lovely Danielle as his mate. She may look like a delicate slender thing, but her reproductive excellence was amply demonstrated. Not only did she carry our first grandchild two weeks past the normal gestation period (which scientific researchers theorize is an adaptation necessary for the advanced development of the massive McCain brain), but Danielle accomplished the delivery after just 20 hours of labor.

Obviously, a woman  worthy of the McCain seed.

Did I mention that Danielle is also an honor student? The Next Generation of the McCain World Dominance System is proceeding with expected advances in the James 2.0 prototype, who immediately began a series of cardio-pulmonary exercises we call “aerobic crying.”

It is to be hoped that the arrival of Baby James will set off a procreative stampede. Aunt Kennedy is rumored to be envious that her younger brother beat her to the honor of providing us with our first grandchild, and word from Fort Bragg is that Uncle Bob is worried that his status as an Army Special Forces trainee may delay him in matching his twin brother’s achievement. And also our younger children — Uncle Jeff, Uncle Emerson and Aunt Reagan — now have the inspiration for their own future contributions to the McCain World Dominance System.

“All is proceeding as I have foreseen.”

Further photos and videos of adorable cuteness are anticipated, as our sweet little Baby James makes his own distinct effort to teach the online world The Five Most Important Words in the English Language:

“Hit the freaking tip jar!”





180 comments

  2. Sorry. It’s just the sheer pathetic sliminess of trolling a birth announcement, I guess.

    It’s right up there with the “masters of the universe” who troll kitten cam chats.

  15. Oh, they already know. The more devout a perversion is indulged, the more deliberately it was chosen – hence it being a sin witnessed against by their own conscience [‘with knowledge’].

  16. Hah! got you beat by two years…and I’m about 11 years younger than you!

    But seriously. welcome the the Grandpa club, Stacy. Took you long enough.

  20. Well, I’d point out here that we are all supposed to be at least 20th cousins, and everyone of European descent is at least a 12th cousin. So that makes us all uncles (or aunts) to the newest member of the Clan McCain.

    Of course, that would include Bill Schmalfe . . . no, I can’t write it!

    Am I the only one who can envision our host, brandishing a Claymore, and shouting, “I am Robert McCain of the Clan McCain!”

  28. Damn you, McCain, you lucky bastard. God bless you and yours. No GK from my four adult sons. Guess I was a poor example. 🙁

  29. May god bestow a Del Taco in baby James path. It certainly helped me become the great American I have become. Congrats to all the McCains near and far

  31. Have two grand kids myself. Congrats. The best thing is when they poop you can pass them back to the parents. No muss no fuss.

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